


The Road Back to You

by Sweetgirl2019



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Heartbreak, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2020-08-13 10:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 65,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20172475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetgirl2019/pseuds/Sweetgirl2019
Summary: Three weeks after the finale, nothing is right. Michael and Alex are the furthest they've ever been from each other. When things finally take a turn for the better, Isobel decides they all need to get away to heal their wounds.  Can one moment between Malex make everything right?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :) Another story. Hope you enjoy. What I would give for something like this to happen on the show. Wishful thinking!

*****

Groaning as he turned over, Michael blinked his eyes open, taking a few seconds to remember where he was. Another night of drinking, another night of ignoring all the problems in his life. Twisting so his face was pressed against his pillow, his thoughts quickly switched to his brother like it had every morning for the past three weeks. When the ache got too intense to handle, he let his mind wander to his other biggest issue.

After kissing Maria and playing the guitar that night, Michael had felt a sudden pain in his head and all he could see was Max. Giving her a hasty excuse, he’d rushed out of the bar but Maria had been hot on his heels, jumping in his truck at the last second. Too worried to argue or force her out, he’d driven to the edge of the desert, silence engulfing the space between them. One look at a crying Liz as she held onto a breathing Rosa was all it took for Michael to understand. He’d walked past the sisters, moving quietly across the ground, before his eyes caught sight of Isobel’s blonde locks. She’d looked up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks, as Max laid dead before her.

He’d fallen to the ground beside her, pulling her into his arms as the sound of her tears echoed in the vastness around them. Forgetting that Maria was standing close by, taking everything in with stunned silence, he’d helped Isobel lift Max’s body and carry him into their cave around the bend. They had managed to place Max in his pod, securing his body, too heartbroken to do anything else. When Isobel had broken down beside him, all he could do was hold her against his chest. He wasn’t sure how long they’d stayed in the same spot, mourning their loss, oblivious to Maria staring at the pods. When they had finally walked out of the cave, Maria was holding Rosa in her arms as a broken Liz looked on.

Everything after had moved in a blur. They ended up back at the diner, going upstairs to a stunned Arturo when he laid eyes on his dead daughter. Liz had used what little energy she had left to explain everything to Arturo and Maria, from aliens to Noah and everything in between. Arturo had broken into tears, clinging both daughters against him while Maria had tilted her gaze to Michael. Her eyes had been distant and hard but she had kept silent before looking away. Michael had sat with Isobel, crammed together on the loveseat, their heads pressed close, both too numb to speak. Once Arturo had finally calmed down, Maria had moved to sit on Michael’s other side, taking his free hand in hers.

When the door had burst open minutes later with Alex and Kyle barging through, the sun had already set outside. Michael’s gaze had found his in an instant and the intense worry he had seen in Alex’s eyes had left him breathless and overwhelmed. Everything in him told Michael to leave the couch and take those few small steps over, to pull Alex against him and find safety and warmth in his arms. Before he’d been able to make any move, Alex had looked over and suddenly Maria’s presence existed again. He’d seen the hurt and betrayal in Alex’s eyes and felt Maria turn her gaze away as she clung to his arm. When Kyle had squeezed his shoulder seconds later, the touch had jolted Alex out of his daze and in an instant, the heartbreak was gone, replaced by a practiced look of indifference. Looking away, Alex had moved towards the other couch, kneeling in front of Liz and holding her face in his hands.

_Tell me what you need._

His words were enough to send Liz barreling into his arms, overcome by emotion as her tears flooded out. Michael had watched as Alex had simply held her, rubbing his hand across her back. The irrational part of his mind had felt a pang of jealousy from the comfort Alex was giving, wanting that comfort for himself. But when Maria had twisted beside him, tightening her hand in his, everything had come crashing down. As Kyle and Arturo comforted Rosa, Alex had taken Liz to her room, shutting the door behind them. When Michael and Isobel had left the next morning, Maria following close behind, the door to the bedroom remained shut.

_Alex_

When he’d walked into the Wild Pony and kissed Maria, he’d been so sure she was everything he wanted at the time. His mind had been plagued by all the trauma of those last few days, everything that had happened with Caulfield and Noah. Going to Maria had seemed like the right choice. She was free from all the angst and trauma in his life when Alex was directly connected to it all.

His cell vibrated beside him, signalling a new message had arrived. He knew the text was from Isobel or Maria and Michael felt a new wave of disappointment flow through him. Ignoring the message, he pressed his face deeper in the pillow, reminding himself that Alex had been the only person he’d ever brought back to the trailer. The ache inside his chest began to grow as thoughts of Alex plagued his mind.

_ If I made the right choice, why does it feel so wrong?  
_

********  


Buried in the screen of his cell, Alex made his way around the corner before colliding headfirst with Maria.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” Alex started, reaching out.

Catching himself midway, he slowly lowered his arm and took a small step back. Swallowing the hurt she felt at his retreat, Maria forced a smile on her face as she tucked her purse behind her shoulder.

“Hi Alex.”

He gave her a weak smile but made no effort to answer.

“How have you been?” she tried, her smile growing nervous.

“Fine,” he shrugged. “I have a really busy morning. I have to go.”

When he tried to move around her, Maria reached out in desperation and grabbed his arm, whirling him back around to face her.

“Alex, I hate this. I hate this so much.”

Sighing tiredly, he ran a hand across his eyes. “What do you want me to say, Maria? That I’m happy for you? That I’m happy for him?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

He laughed quietly, void of any humor. “I’m staying away so you could be together but if you’re expecting me to come around for Sunday brunch or join you guys on double dates, that’ll never happen.”

She sniffled quietly, her defenses rising.

“He said he doesn’t love you anymore,” she said and instantly regretted the words when she saw the hurt in his eyes.

“Doesn’t mean I stopped loving him,” he whispered, looking away. “I just wish you’d both been honest from the start.”

“What can I do? Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” she pleaded.

“Nothing you can do,” he shrugged, turning back to face her. “It is what it is. Besides, with everything else that happened, not sure any of this even matters anymore.”

She gripped the strap of her purse tighter, anxious for something to hold onto. “Will you forgive me?”

His smile was sad as he chuckled. “Forgiveness is not really the issue, I don’t think. I forgave Kyle after all the shit he put me through back in high school. He was my best friend once.”

She lowered her gaze but he spoke on.

“I forgave all those assholes in my squad who gave me shit for years because I was gay. Had to be the bigger person no matter how hard it was,” he said, sighing heavily. “Forgetting, though, that’s something else.”

“It’s not like he cheated on you or that either of us needed your permission,” she said and quickly regretted her words for the second time. “Alex, I…”

“No, you’re right,” he cut her off, looking away again. “Just thought both of you cared about me more than that. Thought I at least deserved a conversation. Guess not.”

She opened her mouth to fix what she’d said but he moved past her and walked off, keeping one foot in front of the other until her voice had drowned out.

  
********

“Hey!” Kyle greeted, shutting the cabin door behind him.

Making his way over with the six pack of beer, he dropped the case on the table and fell back onto the couch. Turning to the side, he took in the half empty bottle of rum Alex was twisting in his hands.

“Got an early start?”

“Found it in one of the cabinets. Must have been your dad’s,” Alex said, turning towards Kyle. “I don’t even like rum. Can never get drunk from it.”

Kyle chuckled as he grabbed the bottle and took a small sip, quickly squinting his eyes as the alcohol burned his throat going down.

“Lightweight,” Alex snorted.

“What’s got you feeling all sorry for yourself?” Kyle asked, relaxing in his seat.

“I don’t feel sorry for myself, jackass,” Alex rolled his eyes, the snipe making Kyle smile. “I ran into Maria this morning. Kind of threw my whole day off.”

“I can see that happening,” Kyle nodded.

Alex sighed heavily and tilted his head towards his friend. “She said she hated what was happening between us, wanted to know if I could forgive her. I told her I wouldn’t forget. Am I being too harsh? Should I just suck it up and be the bigger person?”

“You are being the bigger person, by staying away. You could have told them off but you put distance instead. A lesser person wouldn’t do that.”

“No, but I’m asking, should I give them my blessing or something?” Alex asked.

“Your blessing? No,” Kyle scoffed.

When Alex sighed in annoyance, Kyle leaned forward on the couch, reaching out to touch his friend’s shoulder.

“Look, I can sit here and give you loads of advice or I can say screw them both, let’s get drunk.”

Laughing genuinely for the first time in days, Alex shook his head. “I like the second option more.”

They left the bottle of rum on the table and started sipping their beers, taking comfort from the silence.

“How’s Rosa?” Alex eventually asked. “I want to go see her but Maria’s constantly there. The last thing Rosa and Liz need is any awkwardness right now.”

“To be honest, I don’t know how she is, really. She’s everything,” Kyle sighed. “She’s angry and confused, guilty and hurt.”

“I can’t imagine what she’s going through right now,” Alex spoke quietly. “Or Liz. Or even Isobel, with everything that happened between her and Noah and then Max.”

Staring down at his beer, Alex slowly straightened on the couch.

“Here I am drinking away because of a broken heart. Pretty pathetic.”

“Don’t do that,” Kyle shook his head. “Don’t try to minimalize anything you’ve been through. Not you, Alex. You’ve been through enough.”

Rubbing his tired eyes, Alex stayed quiet as Kyle shuffled on the couch beside him.

“Have you ever…talked to anyone?”

“You mean a shrink?” Alex asked, turning back to his friend. “To be honest, I’m not sure I can afford all the sessions it would take to fix everything that’s wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Kyle frowned.

“Come on, Kyle,” Alex smiled sadly. “I’m broken. I have been for a long time. Even I can admit that.”

“You’re not broken, Alex!” Kyle snapped, reaching out to grab his arm before softening his voice. “You’re _not _broken.”

Alex slowly looked away, ignoring the wetness in his own eyes. "Some days I tell myself that. I tell myself that I'm strong, that I won't let whatever I've been through define me. All I need to do is put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Other days, it's not easy remembering that."  
  
Hating the sadness, Kyle lowered his beer to the table and rose to his feet.

“Come on, get up. We’re getting out of here.”

“Where?” Alex asked, peering up at him warily.

“Just get up and let’s go. We need something stronger than beer and if rum isn’t doing the job, I know what we need.”

Alex hesitated for a few seconds before reluctantly following Kyle out of the cabin. The drive towards town took longer than either expected but instead of stopping at one of the liquor stores, Kyle made a turn down a familiar road.

“Kyle, no!” Alex snapped when the other man parked the car. “Why are we _here_?”

“Maybe because it’s the only bar in town,” Kyle chuckled.

“Why can’t we just buy stronger booze from the liquor store?”

“We’ve been doing that all week. Come on, man, get out of the car.”

When Alex made no effort to move, Kyle sighed and reached out to touch his shoulder again.

“It’ll be fine. We don’t even have to talk to her or _him_ if he’s there. Let’s just go in and try to forget all the crap that’s wrong in our lives for a few hours. If you want to leave, we’ll go.”

Sighing in defeat, Alex climbed out of the car and followed a grinning Kyle towards the Wild Pony. Sitting at the bar several feet away, Michael stared down at his half empty glass, the liquor helping him drown out the sounds around him. When he felt a sudden chill from the door bursting wide, he twirled around and froze, his breath catching in his throat. Three weeks ago, in Arturo’s apartment, had been the last time his eyes had caught sight of Alex. Looking at the other man again, his heart clenched in his chest, an ache inside him making him want to reach out. When his eyes finally noticed Kyle, his mood soured in an instant, watching as the two men made their way to the far end of the room. Turning back forward, the hand around his glass tightened, his anger making the bottles to his left rattle.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Maria asked, her sudden appearance making him loosen his grip. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he repeated the words like a broken record. “Just tired.”

“Are you going to stick around for dinner? I can whip something up for you in the back?” she asked, smiling gently.

He looked away from her smile, his eyes catching Kyle as he walked to the counter, leaving Alex alone at their table. Maria followed his gaze and her smile quickly dropped.

“Hi Kyle,” she greeted, looking over his shoulder to see Alex busy on his phone.

“Hey,” he said, nodding at both before clearing his throat. “Can I get a couple shots? Whisky.”

She nodded and quietly turned around to make his drinks.

“One for you and one for your date?” Michael asked, unable to stop himself.

Kyle tilted his face towards him before shaking his head. “I’m not going to fight you, Guerin.”

“What makes you think I want to fight?” Michael spat.

“Maybe because of the way you’re staring at me right now, wishing you could make my head explode,” Kyle chuckled. “Maybe because I came here with Alex.”

Maria’s shoulders tensed but she kept her back towards them.

“Why would I care about Manes? Three weeks since my brother died, the guy hasn’t even picked up the damn phone.”

Kyle watched him for a long moment before grabbing the shots when Maria finally turned around.

“Could you put it on my tab?” he asked, giving a polite smile before disappearing through the crowd.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

“Can I get another?” Michael ignored her question, quickly finishing his drink and waving his empty glass.

“Maybe you should go home,” she suggested.

“I’m a paying customer, DeLuca,” he said, giving the fakest smile he could muster.

She dropped her shoulders and quickly made his drink, sliding it towards him on the counter. “I have to do some inventory in the back. Want to keep me company?”

“Nah, I’m good here. You go do your stuff.”

Hesitating for another moment, Maria finally spun on her heels and walked away. Unable to stop himself, Michael tilted his head and watched over his shoulder as Alex lowered his glass and rose to his feet. Exchanging some words with Kyle, Alex pointed over his shoulder before making his way towards the restrooms. When Kyle pulled out his phone, relaxing in his seat at their table, Michael jumped to his feet and marched halfway across the bar, his drink easily forgotten. Pushing through the restroom door, he barged in and Alex jumped from his sudden appearance.

“Guerin,” he said, his voice breathless as he faced him.

“I thought you were done walking away,” Michael spat, taking a step forward, the blood in his veins coursing through him, leaving him hot all over.

“What are you talking about?” Alex frowned.

“You told me you were done walking away. Were you lying?”

“No, I wasn’t lying.”

“Then why haven’t I seen you in three weeks?” Michael shouted, not caring if his voice could be heard from outside. “My brother died and you disappeared like you always do when things get tough.”

“Are you serious right now?” Alex asked, his own anger quickly rising. “I’m sorry if I didn’t reach out. I thought it was better if I kept my distance.”

“Better for who? I _needed_ you!” Michael snapped, the hurt he felt leaking through. “I needed you and you were gone, like always.”

“Maybe because you’re dating one of my best friends!” Alex spat back. “That _hurt_, Guerin. Do you really not see that?”

Not wanting to face the guilt he felt from causing the pain he saw in Alex’s eyes, Michael changed his footing and lifted his chin.

“Why would you be hurt, Alex? Were we ever anything more than epic sex?” he snapped. “Wasn’t even that epic, was it? All I got from you was a broken hand, empty promises and a piece of shit father who killed my mom. Thanks, Private.”

When he saw Alex’s face crumble, Michael instantly wanted to take his words back.

“That’s what it all comes down to, doesn’t it? I look at you and see the guy who chose one of my best friends without bothering to have a conversation with me first. Like I was nothing to you, nothing at all,” Alex scoffed, his voice tired. “You look at me and you see my father and everything he’s been responsible for. Doesn’t matter how much I try to fix what he’s done. I’ll never escape that man’s shadow.”

Michael swallowed the pain in his throat before speaking. “Sometimes I wish I never knew you.”

Laughing bitterly, Alex wiped a hand across his wet eyes. “Sometimes I wish the same thing.”

When he came to move past him towards the door, Michael felt a frantic need to keep Alex close. Lunging forward to grab his arms, he spun them around to pin the soldier against the door. They stared at one another in silence, nether speaking, their breaths growing heavy with every second that passed.

“Why didn’t you come to me when I needed you?” Michael whispered.

“Why did you choose Maria?” Alex whispered back.

When Michael’s gaze finally softened, Alex felt his own shoulders drop.

“What do you want from me, Michael?”

He looked away to the side, loving the sound of his name from Alex’s lips for the first time in years and hating the way the name had finally dropped.

“I thought we were connecting again but you told Maria you stopped loving me,” Alex exclaimed, his voice sounding defeated. “All I wanted these three weeks was to go to you, to try and take your pain away somehow but you’re with Maria, Guerin.”

He lifted his hand to point between them.

“_This_ will never happen again,” he said and Michael took a sharp breath. “I’m connected to everything you hate in this world, to so much pain and misery.”

“No,” Michael started.

“I stayed away so you could be happy. So you could move on and be with someone you wanted.”

“Alex, stop,” Michael pleaded, feeling a sense of finality in the other man’s words.

“We’re done, Guerin. We’ve been holding onto this thing for so long and for what?” he said, repeating those words from Caulfield weeks ago. “You made a choice and you chose Maria. You chose happiness. I hate how you did it. I hate that I didn’t even cross your mind or hers. But what’s done is done. We can’t go back. You made your choice. Stick to it now.”

Pulling free from Michael’s grasp, Alex grabbed the handle before turning around a final time.

“You need to grieve. Let yourself feel that pain. Then let her heal you back up.”

Without waiting to hear Michael’s response, Alex wiped at his eyes and quickly walked out. Michael pressed back against the wall, smacking his head onto the concrete over and over again. He hated Max for dying, hated Noah for all the harm he had caused, hated Sergeant Manes for the pain he’d inflicted, hated Kyle for comforting Alex and he hated Alex because the love he felt for the soldier was so strong. More than anyone, he hated himself, for blaming Alex for everything that had gone wrong and for knowing he’d made the wrong call.

When he finally walked out of the restroom minutes later, the table where Kyle and Alex had used was vacant. Maria was watching him from behind the bar, a sad look of understanding crossing her features. Lowering his gaze, he ignored her calling his name and stumbled outside into the dark.


	2. TWO

*****

_ “Damn, Private,” Michael smiled, lifting his head with a breathless laugh. “You learned some new moves overseas.”_

_ Pushing Michael’s glistened body off of him, Alex stared up at the ceiling of the Airstream, trying to get his own breathing under control. Laying on his stomach, Michael let his eyes wander over Alex’s face and shoulders before his gaze locked on a bruise that was blooming just below Alex’s chin. Reaching out with his hand, he pressed his thumb against the mark and watched as Alex slid his eyes shut, a soft moan escaping his_ _throat_._ Biting his lower lip, Michael moved slowly until his body was covering Alex’s again, letting his arms cage him in._

_ “You got another round in you?” he whispered, letting his hands travel under the blanket to touch Alex where they both wanted. “Can I get in you again?”_

_ With his mouth unable to form words, Alex pulled Michael’s body flush against his, running his hands through Michael’s curls and letting their mouths crush together in a bruising kiss._

_ “So every time I look at you, I make you feel seventeen again?” Michael teased._

_ “Shut up and kiss me Guerin.” _

_ Not needing more encouragement, Michael let his kiss speak the words his mouth couldn’t, swallowing Alex’s moans as their bodies rocked together._

“Michael.”

Snapping his eyes open, he took a breath when he saw Maria sitting at the foot of his bed, reaching out to touch his arm with a smile.

“Good morning.”

He slowly sat up and pushed his back against the wall, making her hand drop away.

“What are you doing here?”

“I knocked a few times but I guess you were asleep. The door was open,” she said, turning on the bed to face him. “Must have been a good dream. You were smiling.”

He swallowed hard at her words, awkwardly dropping his gaze.

“I haven’t seen you in a few days. Have you just been here?” she asked, waving at the trailer.

“Yeah, just been keeping busy,” he nodded, lowering his legs to the ground and rubbing his forehead. “Have a headache.”

She bit her lip before moving closer. “Want me to kiss it better?”

He pulled away before her lips could reach him, making Maria freeze in the space between their bodies. She stared at him in silence, hurt by the rejection as he quickly rose to his feet.

“I was thinking of going over to see Liz this morning. Did you want to come with me?”

She cleared her throat and nodded, forcing her embarrassment away. “Do you need to get changed?”

“Yeah, just give me a few minutes.”

When he made no effort to reach for his clothes, she quickly understood and her gaze hardened. Rising to her feet, she quietly moved out of the trailer, letting the door shut loudly as she went. Running his hands across his face, he cursed under his breath before glancing back at his messy bed. The memory he had dreamt had been so vivid, as if Alex had really been there.

Maria was seated in her car, staring out at the horizon when he walked out after five minutes. She looked up as he approached but shook her head.

“You should bring your own car in case I leave early for the bar.”

Without waiting for an answer, she switched on the engine and drove away. He waited until the dust had settled before climbing into his own truck to follow.

  
********

“No, we are not having this conversation again,” Alex snapped, his cell held closely to his ear. “We discussed this over and over. Either you help or you stay out of my way.”

Reaching his truck, he grabbed the handle before something caught his eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll wait for your call,” he said, hanging up.

His gaze focused on Isobel sitting on a bench across the street as she stared down at her hands. Letting his truck handle go, he took a breath and made his way towards her, waiting patiently until she finally glimpsed his shadow and noticed him.

“Are you alright?” he asked, keeping his tone neutral.

She laughed at the question, crossing her arms at her chest. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He watched her closely before stepping forward. “We don’t really know each other too well. We’ve run in the same circles but we’ve never really spoken before.”

“Your point?” she snapped.

“I’d still like to know if you’re alright.”

“Well, thanks for asking, Alex. I’m fine,” she said, her sarcasm bleeding through.

His smile softened as he leaned his weight on his good leg.

“If you practice saying that to yourself enough, maybe one day you’ll believe it. I speak from experience.”

She scoffed and looked away. “Are you looking for an invitation to sit?”

He hesitated for a moment before taking the seat beside her.

“I wasn’t giving you one,” she exclaimed, whipping her face back towards him.

“Free country, free bench. Just felt like sitting here,” he shrugged, keeping his eyes focused on the road.

She watched him for several seconds before averting her gaze. They let silence take over, neither speaking, as the warm morning breeze brushed against their skins. Oddly comforted by his presence, Isobel turned further away as her tears began to fall.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, shaking her head but unable to control the outpour of emotions. “I don’t even know you and I’m breaking down.”

“Sometimes it’s easier to let go in front of a stranger than someone you love. You don’t have to be strong for them.”

Burying her face in her hands, she curled in on herself when Alex reached over and slipped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. He held her as she cried, letting weeks of bottled pain pour out of her in quiet sobs. They sat together for several minutes until her tears had finally calmed. Moving away, she used her sleeve to wipe her eyes, cringing at her own appearance.

“Thank you,” she spoke quietly as he pulled his arm from her shoulders.

“I’m heading over to see Liz. Did you want to come?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the road to give her a moment.

“Yeah, that would be good,” she nodded, rising to her feet.

“Is your car here or do you want to come with me?” Alex asked her.

She looked up and met his eyes when he stood. “I don’t even know how I got here.”

He nodded but made no other comment.

“My truck’s just over there,” he pointed, leading her across the street.

Once they were buckled, she tilted in her chair to watch his profile as he pulled onto the street. “You don’t seem like a bad guy.”

He laughed at her sudden words, keeping his gaze focused forward. “I hope I’m not.”

“I just mean, considering who your Father is,” she said but bit her tongue when she saw the muscles in his face clench. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m the one that needs to,” he sighed. “The things he’s done, everything he’s been responsible for, all the hurt and pain he’s caused. Not enough words or apologies could ever really make up for that.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said and held her hand up when he came to argue. “I know enough from the bits I got out of Michael. What happened at Caulfield is not your fault.”

“What happened with Noah is not yours,” he countered as she took a sharp breath. “Doesn’t take away the guilt you feel though, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t,” she admitted.

They stayed quiet for the rest of the drive, taking comfort from the silence. When Alex pulled to a stop outside the diner, Isobel reached out to grab his arm.

“I’m sorry,” she said, his frown making her swallow. “I know that you’re hurting because of Michael’s choice.”

He quickly shook his head to cut her off. “None of that matters. Let’s go in.”

Giving her a kind smile, he made his way towards the diner and held the door open, forcing Isobel to follow. Making their way up the back stairs to the apartment above, Alex gently knocked on the door until Rosa yanked it open. Her eyes landed on Isobel for a tense moment before turning her gaze to Alex, welcoming his hug with a small smile.

“How is she?” he asked once Rosa had closed the door.

“Mostly quiet,” she shrugged. “She’ll be happy to see you. It’s just been me and her mostly. Dad too but he keeps going downstairs to the diner. To be honest, I think he wants to get away. He’s still weird around me, not like I can blame him. Liz too. Only so much she can look at me without being reminded.”

“She doesn’t blame you,” Alex said and Rosa scoffed, her eyes beginning to water.

“Yeah, she does,” she sighed, glancing at Isobel.

“I can leave,” Isobel offered.

“No, it’s fine,” Rosa shook her head. “I know most of the story. I get that it wasn’t you.”

Isobel nodded and made her way towards the couch, slinking down onto the cushions.

“She’s in her room,” Rosa pointed down the hallway. “Go see her. I’ll keep this one entertained.”

Smiling gently, Alex made his way down the hall and stopped inside the doorway. Liz turned towards him from her seat at the window, covered in a blanket over the cushioned bench.

“Hi,” she smiled, her voice coarse and her eyes red as he took a seat beside her.

“Anything you need? Anything I can do?”

“Just sit with me for a bit?” she asked, turning her gaze to the world outside her window.

He eased back against the wall and released his breath when Liz reached out to take his hand.

“Alex, I know you and I drifted apart. We haven’t been that close. We both had so much going on in our lives,” she spoke after a while, letting her eyes drag back to his. “Thank you for being here for me the past few weeks.”

“I didn’t do anything,” he shook his head. “I wish I could do more.”

“You’ve sat with me every other night. Just let me hold your hand. It means more than you know,” she said, sighing quietly and glancing to her doorway. “I haven’t been the best sister.”

“Don’t be hard on yourself. What you went through, what you’re still going through is a lot. For Rosa too but you’ll get there. Both of you.”

She smiled at his words before moving closer and letting her head fall on his shoulder.

“I miss him.”

He let his arm wrap around her as she closed her eyes and took a breath. Outside, Rosa sat across from Isobel, both staring into their mugs of coffee, neither taking a sip.

“I know you said you don’t blame me,” Isobel started as Rosa looked up. “But I should have picked up on it. Who he really was? I married him and he used me all this time, used my body to do so many awful things and I never knew it.”

“Look, I woke up after being dead for ten years and my sister’s boyfriend died bringing me back. Now I know that aliens exist on top of everything else. I have enough stuff going through my head and I don’t need to use up even more energy hating you for what happened,” she said as Isobel took a breath. “Go easy on yourself. You’re the one he abused.”

The quiet knocking on the door cut through the tense conversation. Leaving her mug on the table, Rosa walked over and pulled the door open again.

“Hi,” Maria smiled, walking inside and hugging Rosa. “How are you feeling?”

She glanced at Michael as she closed the door, moving further in the room. “As good as I can these days.”

Michael’s face brightened when he saw Isobel across the room, quickly moving to sit beside her.

“What are you doing here? Came to visit Liz?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, smiling sadly. “I was just sitting on a bench in the street. Alex saw me.”

Michael tensed at the name but remained quiet.

“He brought me here,” Isobel added, lifting her chin towards the hallway. “He’s with Liz in her room.”

Maria let her gaze switch between them before turning back to Rosa. “I’ll go say hi.”

When she disappeared down the hall and Rosa moved towards the kitchen, Michael released the breath he’d been holding, careful to avoid Isobel’s confused expression.

“Hey there,” Maria said as she edged inside the room.

Liz and Alex looked up at her voice and she used the moment to make her way over.

“Hi Liz,” she smiled at her friend before turning a cautious gaze towards Alex. “Hi.”

He gave her a small smile and turned back to Liz. “Have you eaten yet? I can make you something.”

“Since when did you learn to cook?” Liz poked him in the ribs.

“Been alone for most of my life. You learn to adapt,” he shrugged, missing the sad look in Maria’s eyes. “It won’t be gourmet food but do you want a sandwich or grilled cheese or something?”

“Sandwich sounds good. Thank you,” Liz whispered.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead before moving past Maria out of the room as she watched him go. Taking a deep breath, she lowered herself to the bench and took Liz’s hand. Alex walked back in the living area and his steps quickly faltered when his eyes met Michael’s. They stared at one another for a beat until Alex moved towards the kitchen.

“I’m making Liz a sandwich. Want me to make you one too?” he asked as Rosa pushed away from the counter.

“That’s aright. I’m just going to take a shower.”

Touching his arm in thanks, she quietly walked out of the room and closed the bathroom door behind her. Opening the fridge, Alex peered inside when he felt a shadow over his shoulder. Swallowing hard, he grabbed the salami and shut the door, moving towards the counter.

“Alex, I’m sorry,” Michael said, standing next to him. “For what I said the other night.”

“You can’t help feeling the way you feel,” Alex shrugged, avoiding his gaze as he forked a few pieces of salami onto the bun.

“Look at me,” Michael pleaded and reached out to grab Alex’s arm, the move making the other man freeze. “Please look at me.”

Taking a breath and schooling his features, Alex finally lifted his head and met Michael’s gaze.

“I want to talk to you.”

“About what?” Alex asked.

“Everything,” Michael breathed out, taking a small step closer. “Max is gone and you’re the only thing…”

“Sorry,” Isobel interrupted, stopping when she saw how close they were standing.

Pushing away from him, Alex shook his head and smiled.

“You weren’t interrupting anything,” he said, adding the rest of the toppings to the sandwich.

Grabbing a plate and a bottle of water, he quickly slipped out of the kitchen as Michael watched him go, a heaviness in his gaze.

“Michael, what are you doing?” she asked him.

“I don’t know,” he said, his eyes glazing over. “Nothing makes sense. I thought what I did was right. I thought I made the right choice but I didn’t.”

Her gaze saddened as she closed the distance between them, pulling him into her arms.

“Here you go,” Alex said, offering Liz the sandwich as she smiled up at him. “I actually have to go. I need to get to the base."

Maria kept her gaze on him but he focused on Liz, doing his best to hold his emotions in.

“Thanks for coming to see me,” Liz added when he pressed another kiss to her temple.

“Alex,” Maria started but he waved her off.

“I really do have to go. I’ll see you guys later.”

Without waiting for a response, he made his way out of the room, ignoring Michael’s step towards him as he walked out of the apartment. He kept his face neutral until he was back behind his wheel and finally let his eyes squeeze shut as the emotions made his body shake.

“Things are still bad between you?” Liz asked, taking a small bite of her sandwich.

“I don’t know how to fix it,” Maria sighed, leaning back against the wall. “We talked the other day for the first time in weeks and it’s like everything that came out of my mouth was wrong. I hurt him and I keep hurting him.”

Lowering the plate to her lap, Liz reached over to take Maria’s hand.

“You have to be the one to take that first step in making amends, Maria,” she reminded. “Not him.”

“He won’t talk to me. He won’t even look at me.”

“It’s because he’s hurting,” she said gently. “I’ll be honest. I didn’t realize what Michael meant to him either, not the extent of it. He can act indifferent but he can’t hide the hurt in his eyes. It’s always been his one giveaway, his eyes.”

“I don’t know what the right decision is. Do I break things off with Michael?” Maria asked. “Do I stay with him, try to make things work? Lose Alex even more than I already have?”

“I’m not in any position or frame of mind to give you advice on this,” Liz sighed. “But you have to make a choice either way. Alex will forgive you. He has too big a heart not to.”

“But he’ll never forget,” Maria said, remembering his own words from that day. “To be honest, I don’t even know where Michael and I are right now.”

When Liz frowned, Maria sighed and tilted her body towards her friend.

“I guess because of what happened, we haven’t really been together at all since the kiss that night. We haven’t kissed again.”

“He lost his brother,” Liz spoke quietly.

“I know,” Maria nodded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be going on about this.”

“I could use the distraction.”

Sighing again, Maria ran a hand through her hair. “I think it’s more than just losing Max. I think he regrets it.”

“So why is he still with you if he regrets his choice? Does he think he’ll get over it?”

“No,” she laughed sadly. “I think it’s because Alex won’t forgive him.”

“I’m sorry,” Liz said, taking her hand.

“No, I should be the one saying sorry. I’m going on about some stupid love triangle and you’re the one who’s really hurting.”

“All I can tell you is don’t waste time,” Liz started. “You care about Michael, I know you do. But Alex has been one of your best friends since childhood. Friendships like that don’t come around that often. Remember, he’s the one that clued me in about your mom. He was there for you even when I wasn’t. Do you love Michael enough to let that friendship go? Especially if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

Taking a deep breath, Maria rubbed a hand across her eyes. “I guess I have a lot to think about, don’t I?”

Liz nodded before lifting the sandwich to take another bite, her quiet chews the only sound between them.

“Michael,” Isobel started when he walked back into the apartment. “Was he gone?”

“Yeah, he drove off before I could reach him,” he sighed, falling back onto the couch.

“What are you doing?” she asked, sitting on the table across him. “You told me you loved Alex and you chose Maria. The way you keep looking at him, like your heart is breaking, why are you still with Maria then? Do you love her too?”

“You can’t really love another person when you gave your heart away to someone else years ago,” he said, laughing at himself. “I can’t get away from him no matter what. I hate that he hurt me, that he kept leaving. I hate that I hurt him by going to Maria. I hate myself so much, Isobel. You don’t even know.”

“Then what are you doing?” she repeated. “It’s not fair to any of you. Why won’t you end things with Maria and go fix your relationship with Alex?”

“He won’t forgive me.”

“You know that? One hundred percent, you know that we won’t forgive you?” she asked. “Isn’t what the two of you have worth the risk of disappointment?”

“It’s not just disappointment,” he hissed, glancing back at the hallway. “I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong. What you and Max had, I never had that with you guys.”

“Michael,” she started but he held his hand up.

“Max and I were close when we were younger but after everything that happened, we were never that close again. Not like you and him. But then Alex happened. It was like I finally found my home. _He_ was my home,” he said, taking a deep breath. “But then I didn’t have him anymore and it’s like the past ten years, I was going through all the motions, just existing from one day to the next. Anything and everything to get me through it and then I saw him again. I saw him again and it was like I was waking up. But then it all crashed down and I remembered that I could never really have him. His Father, the military, us being aliens. Just so much shit, always piled on between us. Then Caulfield happened.”

“Michael, you can't blame him for what his Father did. You keep telling me I shouldn’t feel guilty for Noah, how can you blame Alex?”

“I don’t blame him,” he sighed. “It just hurt too much. Everything was so raw.”

“So you settled for second best?”

“I care about Maria, more than you think I do,” he corrected.

“But she’s not _him_,” Isobel finished his thought.

He stared at her for several seconds, her words settling over him until Maria walked back in the room.

“Liz is sleeping,” she spoke quietly. “I’m going to leave too.”

He watched her sadly before facing Isobel again. “Want me to drop you off anywhere?”

“No, I’ll stay here a bit. See Liz when she wakes up.”

Nodding, he rose to his feet and met Isobel’s eyes a final time. She finally looked away and he followed Maria downstairs to their cars outside. She suddenly stopped at her door, whirling back towards him. Grabbing the sides of his face, she pulled him close and pressed their lips together. Too stunned by the sudden kiss, he froze until she pulled away. A look of disappointment filled her expression before she slowly separated.

“Will you come to the bar tonight? I’m closing early to get some work done. Company would be nice.”

He hesitated before nodding, giving her a small smile. She climbed into her car without another glance and drove off, leaving Michael to fall back against his truck with a sigh.

  
********

“The amount of time I spend at your place, we should just renovate the cabin and make it bigger so I could move in,” Kyle scoffed, dropping the case of beer on the table as he fell on the couch beside Alex.

“You and me living together? Sounds pretty crazy,” Alex sighed.

“Why, because Guerin will get jealous?”

Alex glared at his friend as he yanked the beer from his hand. “No, because up until a few months ago, I still hated you.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Kyle nodded, a grin covering his lips. “But you love me now, Manes. Best friends forever.”

“What’s with this forever nonsense you keep saying?” Alex muttered.

“You love me. I know you do. Just admit it,” Kyle smirked.

“I love you because you keep supplying me with beer,” Alex said, tilting his bottle towards him. “Now can we get back to business?”

“Alright, sorry,” Kyle raised his hand. “How was Liz?”

“She was sad,” he sighed. “She keeps crying. Isobel too.”

They sat together for a moment, both staring at the scattered papers in front of them.

Kyle leaned back on the couch, running a hand through his hair. “Are you sure about this?”

“No but what other choice do I have? I have to try,” Alex shrugged and pointed towards the file on the table. “Open that and read it.”

  
********

Michael sat outside the Pony, staring at the doors, his body completely frozen. A part of him wanted to go inside, pull Maria to him and forget all his pain. To let her be the change he wanted from years of heartache and loneliness. Closing his eyes, his mind went back to Alex as he pressed his fingers against his lips, feeling the phantom kiss that he had dreamt about that morning. When the sky grew dark outside, he dragged himself towards the doors and walked in. Maria was sitting at one of the tables, two plates of food and wine laid out before her. When she heard the door slam shut, she smiled her nerves away and waved him over.

Each step felt heavy as Michael dragged himself across the floor. The moment he was close enough, she rose to her feet and kissed him. The second her lips pressed against his, everything in him screamed that it was wrong. The texture of her face, the feel of her hands against his chest, the soft curves of her body. He pulled away from the kiss, shaking his head as he stepped backwards.

“Maria…”

“Don’t say anything,” she cut him off. “Just sit and have some food with me.”

“I think we need to talk,” he said, his exhaustion bleeding through.

“Let’s just have dinner,” she said, clinging to the last thread between them.

He watched her for a moment, feeling guilt and shame inside him before lowering himself onto the chair. They stayed silent as they picked at their meals, neither sure of what to say. When the quiet got to much for him, Michael pushed back from the table and rose to his feet again, his appetite completely forgotten.

“I told Isobel I’d come by,” he lied. “Thank you for dinner.”

Her gaze moved away from his profile to a spot at the end of the bar. When she gave a small smile but didn’t look his way again, he turned on his heels and walked out, the door shutting quietly behind him. She waited several minutes and when he didn’t come back inside, she finally let the tears she’d been holding slip out.


	3. THREE

*****

“I’m so tired,” Isobel started, hugging her knees as she sat on the dirt floor, staring at her brother’s body through the pod. “I’m so tired, Max. So is Michael. All of us, really.”

Glancing around the dimly lit space, her gaze drew back towards the pod as a tear slipped down her face.

“I’ve forgotten what peace feels like,” she whispered into the darkness. “Even with Noah, I loved him but there was always something missing. Maybe I should have tried piecing it together harder. Maybe I could have avoided so many things.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Whipping her head around, she watched as Michael made his way towards her, falling down to the spot on her right.

“Noah’s not your fault. You know it isn’t.”

“I change my mind on it every day,” she chuckled, but the humor in her voice was gone. “One day, I’m so angry at him for what he did. For using me. For hurting so many people through me. Other days, I just feel so guilty.”

“Isobel,” he tried but she shook her head to quiet him.

“If I could have figured out what was happening sooner, Rosa wouldn’t have died all those years ago. You and Max wouldn’t have covered everything up. All those people who suffered because of Noah, they’d be alive right now,” she cried, her tears falling freely. “Max and Noah wouldn’t have fought. Max wouldn’t have gotten juiced up and he wouldn’t have risked his life to bring Rosa back. How could I not see it?”

Instead of using his words, he reached out and draped his arm around her shoulders, bringing her close against his chest. Closing her eyes and covering her face, she let her tears continue to fall, too exhausted to be brave. They stayed that way for several minutes, pressed against each other, taking comfort from the embrace until she wiped her eyes and finally pulled away.

“What are we going to do, Michael? It’s been a month since he died,” she said, glancing back at the pod again. “Mom’s been asking about him, so has the Sheriff. We can’t keep lying. We can’t keep telling everyone he’s away, finding himself or whatever we’ve said.”

“What can we do?” he shrugged. “Drag his body out of the pod and dump him in the middle of the desert? Leave some clues for the Sheriff to find him?”

“We have to do something!” she snapped. “Michael, we have to do _something_.”

He sighed heavily in the darkness around them, the only glow coming from the pods. Running a hand through his curls, he gave her a nod as she settled back against him. Silence stretched on a while longer, neither willing to break the quiet until Isobel leaned back again.

“Did you ever end up talking to Alex? Or Maria?”

“Tried talking to her the other night but she made dinner and we just sat there, not talking, not really eating. I made an excuse and left.”

“You didn’t end it?”

He shook his head and Isobel grabbed his arm so he would face her.

“Michael, you need to make up your mind. The longer you drag this out, the longer you stay with Maria, the worse everyone will feel in the end,” she exclaimed. “Max is dead, Michael. Liz will never be with him again. The man I thought I loved ended up betraying me in every terrible way.”

He looked up and met her gaze, his eyes beginning to glisten.

“Your soulmate is right there, in front of your eyes. How could you not reach out and grab him?” she asked, “and don’t tell me because you think he won’t forgive you.”

“It’s because I’m afraid!” he shouted, his voice echoing in the cave. “All the shit we’ve been through since waking up in these pods, nothing has hurt me as much as Caulfield and losing Alex.”

He rose to his feet and walked to the other side of the cave, taking a deep breath to reign his emotions.

“We both screwed up so many times. That doesn’t even include all the outside issues that got in the way.”

She rose to her feet but he held his hand up to stop her.

“This thing between us, this cosmic connection, has spanned a damn decade and it’s never been easy. I have two handfuls of memories with him over the last ten years. That’s it,” he spoke quietly. “The way I love him, it scares me, Iz. I never admitted it before but I keep saying it now, to you, to myself. I know I messed up with Maria. I _know_ I hurt him but if I go to him now, heart in my hands and he tells me to go away…”

“Michael,” she said, rushing over and pulling him into her arms. “Is he worth it?”

She leaned back to see his answer and he quietly nodded.

“Then you have to try. Maybe he’ll forgive you right there, maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll tell you he needs time to think or he’ll say he only wants to be friends,” she said, cupping his cheeks gently. “But whatever he says, whatever you choose to do, pursue it or not, you have to end things with Maria. You have to make that clear. If your heart’s not with her and I know it isn’t, stop using her, Michael.”

“We haven’t slept together,” he admitted, running a hand down his face. “Since that night at the bar, since Max, she’s only kissed me twice and I’ve frozen both times.”

“Okay,” she accepted. “But you still need to end it with Maria and you need to talk to Alex. _Talk_ to him, Michael.”

Before he could give a reply, her phone began to vibrate.

“Shaky signal. Come on,” she said, taking his hand and leading him out of the cave before reading her text. “It’s from Kyle. He wants us to meet him at the diner. Says he asked Arturo to shut it down for the night. Sounds urgent.”

With a glance towards the cave, Michael used his powers to place the boards back against the opening.

  
********

Walking inside the diner, Maria quickly caught her favorite sisters sitting at one of the booths and moved to join them. Slipping in beside Liz, she squeezed her hand with a smile.

“Do you know why Kyle wanted to meet?”

“No,” Liz sighed, leaning back against her seat. “Just that he needed us here.”

“Did you want a drink?” Rosa asked, already rising from the booth.

“No, sweetie, it’s fine,” Maria shook her head.

Rosa nodded but made her way behind the counter, busying herself to keep her mind at ease.

“She’s still weird around me,” Liz started, watching her sister with a faraway look in her eyes. “That’s my fault. It’s not all just because of Max, you know? It’s everything my Dad and I felt when Rosa died. It’s everything we went through in this town, all the blame because of what Max, Isobel and Michael hid.”

Looking back at Maria, Liz felt her lips curve into a sad smile.

“I forgave him. At least, I think I did. Before we were together. But now he’s gone and I feel everything at once,” she said, shaking her head to keep her tears away. “My mind is such a mess. I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I miss him.”

“I know you do,” Maria smiled, reaching out to push away a strand of hair from her friend’s face. “I know you have a lot of confused thoughts going on. Stop beating yourself up for feeling what you feel.”

Liz nodded before taking a sip of her water. “What about you? What’s happening with Michael?”

Maria laughed without humor as she leaned back.

“That night, after I left your place, I asked him over to the bar. Made dinner and just wanted us to spend some time together,” she sighed. “I think he was going to end it but I kept putting it off. I don’t even know why.”

Her face grew hard as she faced Liz again.

“When did I become the person who clings onto someone else? Who hurts one of the closest people in her life over a guy?” she asked, laughing bitterly. “I’m not that person, Liz. I don’t like that person.”

“Love makes us act differently,” Liz shrugged.

Maria’s anger disappeared as quickly as it came.

“It feels like I’m holding onto something that I never even had,” she said quietly. “I don’t want to lose him but I think I will and I wish that didn’t upset me as much as it does. I wish I could be the stronger one, to tell him it was over and go to Alex and make things right.”

“Maria, you _are_ strong,” Liz assured her. “You and Alex are the strongest people I know. But if Michael’s only with you because he can’t be with who he really wants…”

“Then it needs to end,” Maria finished, letting the air out of her lungs.

Before Liz could give a reply, the doors burst open and Isobel walked inside, Michael trailing in behind her. Maria met Michael’s eyes for a brief moment but he gave a small nod before looking away.

“Hey,” Isobel greeted, waiting for Michael to slide in across from Liz before she took the seat beside him, nodding at Maria. “Where’s Valenti?”

“Not sure,” Liz sighed, giving Isobel a small smile. “Sorry I haven’t been by the past few days.”

“Not like you missed much,” Isobel shrugged. “Crying and more crying. Got angry for a bit, took a baseball bat to my poor trashcans and then cried some more.”

Maria watched as Michael slipped his arm around his sister’s shoulders. She looked between the two, trying to catch his gaze but his eyes were focused on Isobel. As Rosa moved towards the booth to offer them drinks, the doors opened and Kyle burst through. Michael’s eyes quickly whipped to the entrance as Kyle walked towards them, followed by Alex moments later. When Alex neared their booth, Michael let his eyes scan over the other man, taking in the bruise on his cheek and the cut on his neck. He swallowed hard, desperate eyes looking for other bruises, completely missing the hurt look in Maria’s gaze.

“Well, we’re here,” Isobel broke the silence, taking a moment to stare at Alex’s bruises. “What happened to you?”

“Had a minor accident at the base,” he waved her concern away, tilting his face towards Kyle.

The others watched as the two men shared a secret exchange before Kyle rolled his eyes and faced the rest.

“What’s going on?” Liz asked them.

“Alright, I guess I should be the one to explain,” Kyle started, giving Alex a quick glare. “When Sergeant Manes first tried recruiting me, he took me to his bunker and gave me access. Before things went south, before I basically told him to go to hell and started working with Alex, I found a bunch of files in a storage container that he had kept hidden.”

“Where are you going with this?” Rosa asked, already losing her patience.

“The paperwork I found documented some sort of serum. Took a while but I figured out where the serum was being manufactured. It was at a facility in Texas, a manufacturing plant for Glaxo Smith Kline, a pharmaceutical company that has dealings with the US government.”

“You just walked right in there?” Michael scoffed.

“Something like that,” Kyle mumbled. “I managed to get the facility blueprints and found the lab where everything was locked up. Snuck in and grabbed the serum.”

Alex held his hand up to stop the questions before they started. “Yeah, he was pretty stealth. Impressed me too.”

Kyle gave him another glare the others couldn’t interpret before he turned back towards them again.

“Long story short, I had the lab run some tests and they found several common ingredients that you would find in a vaccine like antigens, stabilizers, adjuvants, antibiotics, preservatives. But there was one foreign component that didn’t match with anything in our databases. Lab had never seen anything like it before.”

“The paperwork Kyle found heavily alluded to the idea that the unknown element was from discovered materials from the crash you guys landed in,” Alex added.

“Sorry, I’m confused,” Liz asked, sitting up in her seat and meeting Kyle’s eyes. “You found all this paperwork and carried out a secret mission all by yourself at a manufacturing facility in Texas to steal a serum. What is the serum for?”

“We think it may bring Max back to life,” Kyle finally said.

Five sets of eyes watched them in stunned silence.

“What did you say?” Liz was the first to break, staring between her two friends.

“We think it may bring Max back,” Kyle repeated, softening his voice. “No toxic elements or contagions, at least none from this planet. It’s a serum unlike any that we have ever seen before.”

“You think it’s a cure?” Isobel whispered, staring from Kyle to Alex and then back again.

Kyle reached into his satchel and withdrew a small vial, a bright blue liquid swimming inside.

“We can’t be a hundred percent. The paperwork supports our theory but there’s no way to know for sure unless we kidnap and torture the Sergeant and get him to confirm it,” Kyle suggested, glancing over at Alex who rolled his eyes. “Since that’s not happening, all we can do is test it.”

“It’s a chance,” Alex added gently. “No guarantees that Max will come back. Maybe the paperwork is false. Maybe Max has been gone for too long. Maybe the serum will disintegrate his body, even in the pod. We don’t know for certain what it will do. But right now, Max is already dead. The choice is yours.” 

Michael and Isobel turned to one another, neither sure of what to say before both looked over at Liz.

“It’s a chance,” Liz repeated, looking from a hopeful Maria to a crying Rosa before lifting her gaze to meet theirs.

Isobel nodded as she faced Michael again, reaching out to grasp his hand. “Michael, we need to try. If we can get him back…”

“Yeah,” he whispered in disbelief, whipping his head back to Kyle and Alex.

Reading his mind, Alex shook his head. “You can thank Kyle if it works. Come on.”

As he made his way towards the door, Kyle rushed out behind him.

“Alex,” he hissed when they stopped at their cars. “Tell me why again.”

“Look, I have my reasons, alright? Just keep doing what you’re doing,” he said, glancing over as the others approached.

“I left a note for our Dad and locked up,” Rosa started, hugging herself at her chest before Kyle ushered her towards his truck.

When Alex climbed into his own, Liz backed away from the rest and nodded towards him.

Michael glanced at Maria and Isobel before quickly looking away. “I’ll drive.”

  
********

“Alex,” Liz began when they were several miles outside of town. “Tell me the truth.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, tossing her a quick glance.

“_Kyle_ infiltrated the facility, deciphered the blueprints and took the serum without being detected?” she asked, her brows raised expectantly. “You expect me to believe that?”

He looked away and sighed but didn’t deny her claim.

“What did you do?” she asked, her voice growing softer. “You risked your life going there.”

“I’m a soldier, Liz. I did a bunch of tours overseas. Survived war. Give me some credit,” he said, keeping his gaze focused on the road.

She grew quiet for a moment, staring down at her hands as tears began to wet her eyes again. Sensing the sudden change, he reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing until she looked up.

“I didn’t want to tell any of you until we were sure but we couldn’t just administer the serum without you guys giving the okay. That wasn’t our right.”

“I know,” she nodded.

“We still don’t know if it’ll work, Liz. This may all just end up being nothing but false hope and disappointment.”

“I _know_,” she repeated, giving him a small smile. “Thank you anyway.”

Leaning over in her seat, she hugged him from the side, pressing her face against his shoulder.

“Alex, _thank you_,” she breathed.

He took a sharp breath but stayed silent, following Kyle’s car as they drove through the desert land.

“If this works,” Isobel started, glancing at Michael as he drove. “Michael, is this works, I don’t know how to thank Kyle for what he did.”

“Valenti,” Michael scoffed. “Guess I’ll have to stop hating him.”

Isobel laughed at his words before her tears took over. He reached across the bench and held her hand as Maria watched them from the back without comment. When they reached the familiar spot and parked their cars, several miles away from the main road, they made their way towards the cave, anticipation keeping everyone silent.

“Help me get him out,” Isobel said as Michael followed her to Max’s pod.

Moving towards the edge of the cave, Alex held onto the vial as Kyle pulled a syringe from his satchel. Looking up, they exchanged an understanding through unspoken words before Kyle attached the vial.

“Here goes nothing.”

“Here goes nothing,” Alex repeated.

They made their way towards the blanket covered body as the others stepped away to give Kyle the space he needed. Kneeling down with Liz, he felt the cold arm for a vein, tapping the spot several times before pressing the syringe to the skin. With a final glance at Alex, Kyle took a breath and injected the serum. Drawing the needle away, he rose to his feet and pulled a nervous Liz beside him. Silence enclosed the space as they stood frozen, staring down at Max for any flicker of movement. When five minutes passed and Max remained motionless, Alex looked up at Liz and Isobel before his gaze finally landed on Michael. Before he could reach out and give his apologies, Max jolted on the ground, making everyone jump backwards. His body jolted a second time before a seizure overtook him.

“No, stop!” Kyle shouted, holding Liz back with a tight grip.

The seizure lasted several seconds until Max fell motionless again. Taking a deep breath, Michael brushed Isobel’s clutch off his hand and slowly edged forward. Before he could reach out and touch his brother’s shoulder, Max rose from the ground with a scream, the loudness echoing in the cave as a shock of thunder struck outside. Breathing heavily, he blinked himself back into consciousness and slowly looked up to the stunned faces.

“Max?” Isobel spoke, her voice breaking on his name.

“Isobel?” he said, coughing from the roughness in his throat.

Overwhelmed by her emotions, Isobel fell to her knees and pulled him against her as his arms slowly wrapped around her waist. He looked up as she clung to him, staring between the others until his eyes focused on Rosa crying at the edge of the cave. Shutting his eyes with a painful wince, his memories came rushing back with a sudden force. He felt Isobel pull away and then a stronger pair of hands were on his face, gently nudging him.

“Max, open your eyes,” Michael whispered.

Groaning as the pain began to ease away, he blinked his eyes back open and stared at his brother’s face. They fell into stunned laughter before leaning into an embrace, Isobel wrapping herself around both of them. Alex and Kyle slowly met each other’s eyes before Kyle pulled him against his chest, hugging him tightly from the side.

“I can’t believe it,” he whispered, leaning back with a laugh. “Alex, it worked!”

“It worked,” he nodded, looking up and meeting Maria’s gaze.

Forgetting the pain between them, they shared a gentle smile, the happiness of the moment making it easy to forget.

“Liz,” Max started, pulling free from his siblings as they helped him to his feet. “Come here.”

She continued to stare at him as silent tears streamed down her face. Confused by her reaction, he took a step towards her and she instantly moved back, reaching out for her sister.

“Liz,” he repeated, hurt be the rejection.

“It’s okay,” Rosa soothed her, taking her sister’s hand and leading her towards him.

When she was close enough to touch, he pulled her into his arms and she finally let herself break. Clinging to his body, she sobbed against his chest as he kissed her head and held her. Alex turned around to look for Kyle when Michael abruptly fell into his arms. He stood frozen from the sudden embrace, his arms held up in the air as Michael curled himself around him, his face pressed against Alex’s neck. Feeling his heart break and heal at the same time, Alex slowly lowered his arms and let them settle around Michael’s waist, the touch making Michael squeeze him even tighter. Suddenly remembering Maria standing a few feet away, Alex let his posture grow rigid as he pulled himself out of Michael’s hold. They stared at one another for a long moment before Alex ducked his head and left the cave. Releasing a shaky breath as he watched him go, Michael ran his hand through his curls, wiping at his eyes. As he glanced back towards his brother, his eyes caught sight of Maria standing on her own, her gaze cast downwards.

“Hey, where are you going?” Kyle rushed out after him.

“Back to the cabin. My leg’s been hurting for a while.”

“Alex, wait!” Kyle cried, reaching out to grab his hand. “You need to tell them this was all you.”

“Kyle…”

“This all happened because of _you_. He’s alive and breathing because of what you did.”

“Just let it go. Please,” Alex pleaded, his exhaustion bleeding through as he touched his bruised cheek. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

Not giving Kyle a chance to argue, he slipped into his truck and drove away. Once the dust had been settled, Kyle turned back to see Michael and Isobel helping Max out of the cave, the blanket wrapped around his weak body as the others followed behind them.

“Thank you,” Max said, extending his hand with a grateful smile.

Kyle shook his hand but quickly dropped it. “Don’t mention it.”

Liz met Kyle’s eyes and frowned before looking past his shoulder. “Where’s Alex?”

“He got a call and had to go,” Kyle lied. “We should get you checked out at the hospital.”

Max nodded and pressed against his siblings as they helped him to Kyle’s car. Sandwiched between Isobel and Liz in the backseat, Max gave a nod to Michael as Rosa and Kyle climbed in the front. Watching the car drive away, he tilted his head to Maria and motioned towards his truck.

“Michael,” she started, not moving.

“Come on, we have to get to the hospital,” he urged but she crossed her arms at her chest instead.

“No, we need to talk.”

Sighing heavily, he let his door fall shut as he faced her. “Do we have to do this now? An hour ago, Max was dead and now he isn’t. I need to go see him.”

“I know and I am so happy that he’s back. Happy for Liz, happy for Rosa, even Isobel. Happy for _you_,” she said, her eyes glistening in the moonlight overhead. “But if we don’t do this now, it will just keep dragging on.”

He looked away and instantly deflated.

“Why did you kiss me that night at the bar?”

“Maria,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes as she took a step towards him.

“I want to know, Michael. Why did you go to me that night? Why did you kiss me?” she asked. “I deserve honesty from you.”

He watched her for several beats before leaning against the side of his truck.

“Everything with Alex hurt. Loving him hurt. Losing him hurt,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I could walk away from him once and for all, choose happiness for myself. I thought I could have that with you because with you, things weren’t complicated. It didn’t hurt when I was around you and it didn’t kill me when I wasn’t.”

She watched him as tears curled down her cheeks. “Do you regret it now?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he pleaded.

“You hurt me by lying this past month so tell me the truth. Do you regret it now?”

He released the breath he’d been holding as his shoulders dropped in exhaustion. “I regret it that same night.”

She took a sharp breath but stayed silent.

“When we found out what happened to Max, when we went over to Liz’s apartment, I was mostly numb. But then he walked in and you were holding me and the look in his eyes…”

He laughed bitterly and ran a hand down his face.

“I regretted it but everything was such a mess. Caulfield and Noah, they were all still so raw in my head and then Max was gone too. I couldn’t handle his rejection on top of all that.”

“His rejection?” she asked quietly. “So you stayed with me because it was easier? You stayed with me because you didn’t think Alex would forgive you? Guess my intuition was right after all.”

“Maria,” he started, rising back to his feet. “I know I hurt you. I know I messed everything up but you do matter to me. That part wasn’t a lie.”

“I know that,” she said, her smile growing sad. “But I’m not him and if you had a choice, a real choice when the past and all the pain between you didn’t matter, you would pick Alex.”

He looked down at her words, his silence confirming everything.

“I kissed you knowing I’d be risking what I had with him. He’s one of my oldest friends, Michael.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“We both hurt him and it was all for nothing,” Maria said, wiping her eyes. “He hates me right now and it was all for nothing.”

“If he hates anyone, it’s me,” Michael sighed.

“You deserve it,” she said and he nodded at the anger in her voice. “Is he still in love with you?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, finally meeting her gaze.

Stepping closer, she pressed her finger in his chest, her tears no longer falling.

“I need you to stay away from the bar for a while. I don’t know how long. I’ll seek you out and tell you when you’re allowed back inside,” she said, exhaling hard. “Do you love him?”

He lowered his gaze and simply nodded.

“Then fix it, Michael,” she said, her words sharp. “You think he hates _you_? You’re not the only one. I’ve been ignoring my own part in this mess and I have so much to apologize for. But you, Michael you were different. He _loved _you.”

“He won’t forgive me.”

“Maybe,” she agreed, “and he may have walked away before but this one’s on you, Guerin.”

Moving away, she grabbed the passenger handle and climbed into the tuck, the door slamming shut behind her. He watched as Maria stared out of her window, ignoring him with stony silence. Blowing the air out of his lungs, he climbed in beside her and backed his truck away from the cave, using his powers to shield the entrance at the last second.


	4. FOUR

*****

Standing outside the Ortecho residence, Max let his hand linger in the air. A week had passed since he’d woken and after leaving the hospital with Kyle’s approval, Liz had stayed away. He’d called her several times, gone by the diner and spoken with Maria but Liz continued avoiding him. A part of him understood all the pain she had been through but he also felt hurt from her distance.

Taking a deep breath and pushing past his nerves, he knocked on the door and waited. A quiet shuffling sounded from inside before the door swung open to Rosa.

“Hey Max.”

“Rosa,” he gave her an awkward smile.

As grateful as she had been to him that night in the hospital for bringing her back, she had also felt anger towards him, Michael and Isobel. Looking back on everything that had happened, his smile grew more genuine.

“Is Liz here? I tried calling but she wasn’t answering.”

“She left a while ago. Had to run a bunch of errands and left her cell here,” she shrugged. “Oh, and it’s Rosita. Remember? I’m the long lost cousin now with the fake ID?”

He lowered his gaze and nodded guiltily. Rolling her eyes, she reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Look, this is awkward and it probably will be for a long time,” she started. “A lot of bad shit happened to me because of your kind and more bad shit happened to my family afterwards because of you three. You can’t change any of that.”

“I know, I am so…”

“Stop apologizing,” she cut him off. “You brought me back to life. Died doing that. I don’t know how I feel right now but I don’t hate you, alright?”

He watched her for a few moments before nodding.

“I’ll tell Liz you stopped by.”

With a small smile, he turned around and made his way back downstairs. Closing the door, Rosa faced her sister sitting on the couch several feet away.

“I’m sorry,” Liz sighed, leaning back against the cushion.

“Whatever issues you have with him, whatever you’re feeling, I saw how much you grieved him. I know you love him.”

“I _do_ love him,” Liz exclaimed.

“Then talk to him! Avoiding the issue won’t make it go away.”

“Are you sure you’re my sister?” Liz chuckled weakly.

“I don’t know, I’ve been dead for a decade. Guess I woke up differently,” she said, rolling her eyes again at Liz’s shamed expression. “I have to go get my beautiful hair chopped now so people stop giving me weird looks in town.”

“Want me to come with?” Liz asked, already rising from the couch.

“I’m fine. You just figure out how to handle your boyfriend problems. I’ll go become _Rosita_.”

Grabbing her purse, she turned on her heels and left the apartment. Sinking back against the cushions, Liz wrapped the thin blanket around her body, letting her head fall back as she closed her eyes.

********

Sitting on the bench, Alex tilted his head up towards the sun, smiling as the warm rays washed over his skin. For the first time in so long, the smile on his face was genuine, matching the lightness he felt in his heart.

“Alex?”

Snapping his eyes open, he blinked against the sun before focusing on Maria’s face.

“Hi,” he said, his smile growing more reserved.

“Are you alright?” she asked, taking a small step towards him.

Releasing a heavy breath, he gave her a quick nod. When she made no effort to move away, he swallowed the ache in his chest and managed a small smile.

“I’m in a celebrating mood.”

“Oh,” she said, looking down. “You’ve seen Michael? Isobel and Max?”

“No,” he spoke slowly. “Not since that night.”

She snapped her head back up in confusion but he spoke again before she could question.

“My enlistment period ended. I signed my papers this morning. Just waiting for Kyle so we could go drink our weight in alcohol.”

Briefly forgetting her previous thoughts, she fell onto the bench and pulled him into a hug. When he froze against her, she instantly realized. Slowly pulling away, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear away.

“Sorry,” she smiled nervously. “I’m just happy for you.”

He watched her for several moments before he saw Kyle waving in the background.

“I have to go,” he said, rising to his feet before hesitating. “Thank you.”

He lingered for another moment before he looked away and made his way towards Kyle. Maria watched him go, her confusion coming back. Taking a final glance at his retreating figure, she left the bench and climbed into her own truck.

“How does freedom feel?” Kyle gave a beaming smile.

“I can’t even explain it,” Alex laughed as Kyle pulled him into a hug.

“Well, my shift is done so I’m all yours for the night. Where do you want to go get drunk? I’m guessing the Wild Pony is out?”

Alex nudged him in the ribs and Kyle chuckled as they made their way down the sidewalk.

“Saw you talking to Maria. How was that?”

“Weird, I guess. I told her I was done with the military. She hugged me,” Alex said, sighing as he climbed into the truck. “She’s one of my best friends. I hate this.”

“Look, she and Guerin, however shitty and thoughtless, moved on together, right?” Kyle asked as he pulled away from the curb. “I think it’s time you try and do that too.”

“Kyle,” Alex groaned.

“Just let me set you up with Pete!” he cut him off. “He’s a Pediatrician, thinks you’re cute and keeps talking about your brown, soulful eyes ever since that two minute conversation you guys had when you picked me up at the hospital last month.”

“Exactly! Two minute conversation!” Alex chuckled.

“Look, he’s a really nice guy and yeah, he doesn’t know about aliens or your Dad or Guerin or any of the other crap but that’s the whole point,” Kyle argued. “He’s just a regular nice guy who likes you.”

Alex sighed as he looked through his window at the passing streets they drove by.

“You’ll never get over him unless you force yourself to move on,” Kyle spoke quietly. “Let me call Pete and have him meet us tonight. If you don’t feel a vibe, I’ll make up some excuse for you.”

He turned back towards Kyle as a small smile filled his face.

“Ten years ago, would you have ever thought we’d be here? You and me, talking again and you setting me up on a date?”

“I’ll take that as a yes? Kyle grinned.

Shaking his head fondly, Alex leaned back against his seat and shrugged. “Do what you want. I just want to celebrate and get drunk.”

********  


Opening the door, Isobel gave Maria a surprised look before stepping back to let her in.

“Came to see how Max is doing,” Maria offered, following Isobel towards the kitchen as they stared through the window to the patio outside.

“He went to visit Liz this morning. She wasn’t home, still avoiding him so now he’s out there sulking. Again,” Isobel rolled her eyes.

Before Maria could comment, heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs down the hall. Michael strolled in moments later, his smile dropping when he caught sight of Maria, a look of guilt filling his face.

“God, more drama,” Isobel muttered, leaving the pair and stepping out on the patio.

“I came to see how Max was doing,” Maria started, feeling defensive.

“No, that’s good. Thanks,” he nodded.

She watched him for several beats before deflating. “Have you seriously not spoken with Alex yet?”

His gaze snapped back to her, confused by the question but she rolled her eyes and walked towards him.

“Why haven’t you spoken with him? I figured you’d go find him that night.”

“I know I can be a jerk sometimes but I’m not that big of one,” Michael muttered.

She watched him in silence before a laugh escaped her throat.

“Michael, seriously?” she exclaimed. “As much as I appreciate the thoughtfulness you’re showing _now_, you and Alex still being separated is not something I need to carry around. Don’t put that on me. Grow the nerve and go talk to him.”

He quickly looked away and she shook her head, walking to the door before spinning around.

“His enlistment period ended this morning, Saw him smiling for the first time in I don’t even know how long,” she said, her own smile softening. “I still hate you, Guerin. This past week away from everything and everyone has been a blessing in disguise but I still hate you right now. Maybe one day we can be friends. If that happens, it’ll be far into the future. But I love Alex so please just go to him.”

Not waiting for a response, she spun around and walked out, the door slamming shut behind her. Turning his gaze towards the patio, he watched as Isobel used crazy hand gestures as she yelled at Max. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards the fridge and grabbed a beer, knowing he would need the liquid courage if he planned on seeking Alex out.

His nerves got the better of him and he ended up crashing at his trailer for the rest of the night. When he woke up early in the morning, his nerves were all but gone. Showering and dressing in his cleanest shirt and the dark jeans he knew drove Alex mad, he sped towards town, begging Isobel to meet him when he called and woke her up.

“Michael why are we meeting at eight in the morning?” she grumbled, meeting him at his truck dressed in sweats with her hair pulled back in a messy bun.

Sensing his smile, she pushed him at his chest and walked by as he jogged to catch up.

“I need your help.”

“At eight in the morning?”

“For the working class, not that early,” he teased, earning another small punch to his arm. “I want to talk to Alex today.”

His words made her stop and twirl around.

“I went by his place last night but he wasn’t home. Maria said he signed his papers yesterday, finally done with the military.”

“That’s really something,” she nodded. “But you’re finally ready to talk to him? To spill your guts and tell him you _love_ him?”

He rolled his eyes and hid his smile. “You planning on helping me or not?”

“With what? Do you need me to come hold your hand?” she chuckled.

“No!” he exclaimed, turning her towards the shop they had stopped in front of.

“Michael,” she said, her voice growing soft. “This is really sweet.”

“Is it too much?” he asked nervously.

“No,” she smiled, grabbing his hand and leading him into the flower shop.

  
********

Feeling the pounding headache from his hangover, Alex slowly opened his eyes. Rubbing the sleep from his face, he turned over in bed and caught sight of the other body, tucked under the covers beside him. Reaching out, he nudged the bare shoulder and watched as the other man twisted his head over with a smile.

“What a night,” the man started.

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, yawning as he pulled the covers off.

Attaching his prosthetic, he reached for his discarded shirt on the ground and rose from bed.

“Come on, I’ll make us some coffee,” he waved, walking out of the bedroom.

  
********

As he pulled to a stop outside the cabin, Michael started at the bouquet of red roses the florist had designed.

_“Your wife is a very lucky young lady,” the old woman gushed, smiling between Michael and Isobel._

_ “She’s my sister,” Michael chuckled._

_ “Oh! Then whoever the young lady is, she’ll be very lucky indeed.”_

_ Isobel gave him a curious look and he bit his lip before answering._

_ “They’re for my boyfriend,” he corrected. “Not my boyfriend yet. I guess the guy I care about.”_

_ The lady laid a hand over her heart, her smile growing even softer than before._

_ “He’ll love them, young man. I promise.”_

Staring at the bouquet, Michael felt his nerves attack at full force. He and Alex had never exchanged gifts or other tokens. In all the years Michael had spent with random people, trying to forget Alex from his mind, he had never thought of such a gesture. Not even with Maria. With Alex, he wanted to make that effort.

Isobel had been right when they walked out of the flower shop. If he wanted things to be different, if he wanted what he and Alex felt for one another to work out, then he had to let himself be that seventeen year old boy again. The one who had fallen in love with Alex for his kindness; the one who jumped out to defend Alex from the bullies at prom; that one that leapt at Jesse Manes to protect him all those years ago. Deep down, Alex had always been Michael’s home and Michael had wanted to be the other man’s hero. He needed to remind them both of what they had, what was worth holding onto for so long. Only now, as Isobel had drilled into his head, he just needed to add some romance.

Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the bouquet and walked towards the cabin, missing the other car parked next to Alex’s truck. As he made his way up the steps and raised his hand to knock, the door swung open and Michael froze when he saw another brunet step out.

“Don’t forget your jacket!” Alex’s voice came from inside.

The other man glanced from Michael to the flowers just before Alex stepped out. Freezing on the porch, Alex stared into Michael’s eyes, shock filling his own until the brunet cleared his throat.

“I should go.”

Tearing his gaze away to face him, Alex silently gave the jacket over and the other man smiled before disappearing down the steps. When Alex faced forward again, the look in Michael’s eyes had darkened.

“What are you doing here?” he managed, his heart beating wildly in his chest as his gaze landed on the roses for the first time.

“Who was that?” Michael asked, his voice rough.

“I asked you first,” Alex bit his lower lip.

Michael ignored the words as his walls shot back up. “Was he your hookup for the night? Have to say, Private, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

The anxiety in Alex’s face quickly vanished, leaving an angry expression behind. “Guess I figured I’d take a page out of your rulebook. You wrote the book on casual sex after all.”

Turning around, he stormed back inside but Michael was too quick and followed before Alex could shut the door.

Sighing at his ex, he ran a hand down his face and motioned towards the flowers. “What is that, Guerin? Some kind of twisted Happy Retirement gift?”

“Nah, Private, these aren’t for you,” Michael spat, finally lowering the roses.

Deflating at the words, Alex shook his head. “Please just go, Guerin. I can’t do this anymore. I stayed away to give you and Maria space but you can’t keep barging in on me at my home, cornering me in bathrooms. You can’t hug me in front of everyone.”

Michael swallowed hard, feeling his anger fall away at the broken voice.

“Why are you here, Guerin? To rub it in some more? Blame me again?” Alex kept going, his exhaustion leaking through. “Jesus, are you looking for my blessing?”

“No,” Michael sighed, his shoulders dropping.

“Then this needs to stop!” Alex exclaimed. “We can’t keep hurting each other like this. We live in the same town, we know the same people. We have to try and get along somehow.”

Michael took a breath to speak but Alex cut him off.

“You moved on, Guerin. You need to let me do the same.”

“Alex.”

“No, Guerin, just _stop_!” Alex pleaded. “I’m trying to make my peace with you and Maria, I’m trying to be the bigger person but I can’t do that if you keep showing up. That’s not fair to her and it’s not fair to me.”

“Alex,” he started again, taking a small step forward. “Maria and I are done.”

The look of surprise on Alex’s face would have made Michael laugh if he didn’t feel his heart breaking inside.

“The night Max came back, it ended. Been too nervous to come out here before now,” Michael said and swallowed. “She realized I’d been lying to her, to you, to myself.”

Alex lowered his eyes to the flowers and suddenly understood, his gaze whipping back up. “Michael.”

Losing his resolve, Michael dropped the flowers on the counter and pulled Alex into his arms, holding the soldier tight against his chest. Before his mind could catch up to his heart, Alex felt his arms move as they wrapped around Michael’s waist.

“I’m sorry,” Michael whispered, his face pressed into Alex’s neck.

The words snapped him out of his daze and he slowly untangled himself, taking a step back. “I can’t do this.”

“Alex, I know I hurt you.”

“Don’t say anything else,” Alex pleaded, wiping the stray tear from his eye. “I won’t be your fallback. You and Maria ending is your business but I won’t be your rebound to keep your bed warm at night.”

“Alex, didn’t you hear what I said? _She_ was the rebound!”

They stared at one another for a long time as the words sank in.

“Did you think I’d welcome you back with open arms?” he asked, his voice quiet and tired. “That you could make the choice you did and I’d wait in the sidelines for things to blow up and jump at the chance to be with you? After everything that happened? After what you said to me?”

Michael felt the ache in his chest grow heavy as tears welled in his own eyes.

“You compared me to him, Guerin,” he whispered. “I know he broke your hand but he abused me for _years_. I know he’s to blame for Caulfield and so many other things and if I could kill him and get away with it, I would. But he didn’t just destroy your life, Guerin. He destroyed _mine_ and you compared me to him.”

“Alex, I was grieving,” Michael argued, his own voice breaking. “My mom and then everything with Noah and Max. I was wrong. I don’t believe any of that. I hate myself for saying it and even more that you think I meant it.”

“I get that, Guerin. I know how much you were hurting and I know you needed comfort and love from someone that wasn’t directly linked to all that pain,” Alex said, his tears falling freely. “But I can’t go back there, Guerin. As much as you say you were wrong or you didn’t mean it, a part of you will always blame me for everything that happened because me coming into your life opened the door to everything else.”

“No, Alex, damn it! I don’t blame you!”

“It doesn’t matter anymore because we can’t go back there again,” Alex shook his head. “Too much damage between us and on top of everything, despite _everything_, she’s still my friend and I know she’s hurting right now. _This_ can never happen again.”

Michael felt all the fight in him fall away, leaving nothing behind but an empty, exhausted shell.

“So that’s it? We’re really done?”

“I guess so,” Alex shrugged.

Michael met his eyes, the three words he desperately wanted to say on the tip of his tongue but the pain staring back at him made him stop.

“But we also can’t keep doing _this_,” Alex added. “This avoiding each other, throwing jabs at one another.”   
  
“What are you suggesting? Friends?” Michael scoffed, wiping his own eyes. “I can’t be friends with you, Alex. It’s all or nothing.”

“Don’t say that,” he pleaded. “We just need to take a step back and breathe for a minute. Max is back, Guerin. That’s the best news any of us have had in so long but my Dad’s still out there. He’s out there and he’s regrouping because that’s what he does.”

“So we get through everything and see where we end up?” Michael asked, taking a step forward. “Give me something, Alex. Tell me we can try again after things settle down. Tell me we can try again in six months, a year. Just something!”

Reaching out, Alex placed his hand on Michael’s cheek and the other man instantly melted against the touch.

“We have a lot of healing to do. All of us,” he said, slowly pulling his hand back. “If it’s meant to be, maybe it’ll happen one day but right now, we need to move on from this. Both of us. Maybe you and Maria can give it an actual shot.”

“That’s done,” Michael said, his voice firm.

Taking a breath, Alex looked away. “Then someone else and I need to do the same.”

“Your one night stand from last night?” Michael spat, his anger building again.

“Don’t, Guerin. Don’t try to hurt me. I need to stop hurting you,” he said tiredly. “Please go.”

Michael stared at him for a long minute, his mind working through his options before he finally made a decision. Reaching out, he slipped his hands to cup Alex at his cheeks and held his eyes.

“We’re cosmic. Have been since that moment you offered me your shed,” he said as Alex took a sharp breath. “You’ve got this kindness in you that’s never gone away. It’s guarded now, just like your heart, from all the shit you’ve been through but deep down, you’re still that same boy who offered me a home. You’re the boy I fell for at seventeen and ten years down the line with only two handfuls of memories, you’re still the only God damn thing I think about.”

“Maybe,” Alex relented but he took a step back, letting Michael’s hands fall from his face. “But there comes a point when you have to ask yourself that question. How may times can we repeat the same mistake over and over before we finally let go? You and me? Guerin, there is so much pain between us. Things I’ve done, others you have and some from people like my Father. We can’t take back any of what happened. All we can do is move on and stop hurting once and for all.”

Deflating at the finality he heard in Alex’s voice, Michael felt his shoulders drop.

“We can work on being friends but anything else, I’m sorry, Guerin. I’m done.”

Michael stared at him for a moment longer before walking out of the cabin, his legs carrying him all the way to his truck. Alex quietly closed the door and walked back to his counter. Grabbing the flowers with shaky hands, he fell to the floor as the sobs he’d been holding slipped out.

  
********

Isobel whirled around at the sound of the door opening, waiting patiently until Michael finally came into view. One look at his wounded eyes and she knew something had gone wrong.

“What happened? He didn’t like the flowers?” she asked.

“He pretty much said that he and I will never happen again because I was the jerk who compared him with his Dad and despite everything, Maria’s still his friend,” Michael sighed, reaching for a beer. “I can’t believe I thought he’d just be sitting there waiting for me.”

Slamming his beer on the counter, he ran an angry hand through his curls.

“I was standing there like an idiot holding those damn flowers and his hookup from last night walked out.”

“That completely sucks but as far as he knew, you were still with _Maria_ so you can’t be pissed about that.”

“I am pissed about it, Iz! I know that makes me a hypocrite but I can’t help it.”

“Look, did he say he was done with you completely?”

“Said we could try and be friends,” he snorted.

“Friendship is good, Michael. It’s a great place to start,” she assured him.

“He doesn’t want to be around me. Even if he did, I can’t just be his friend, Iz,” he shook his head, sinking back against the counter.

“Leave it to me,” she said, crossing her arms at her chest.


	5. Chapter 5

*****

Leaning against the counter, Michael rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes following Isobel as she made her way through the shop with one of the clerks.

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

Tilting his body, he glanced over to see another employee standing behind him, a flirtatious smile on her face as she pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He watched her for a moment as she leaned even further on the counter, giving him a perfect view of her chest. The old Michael, the one who spent ten years forgetting the boy he fell in love with at seventeen, would have given her his signature smirk, flirted his way through conversation and picked her up as his date. The Michael he was now, the one who admitted to himself that Alex was his soulmate, let her flirty smile roll off his back without care.

“Just waiting for my sister,” he finally said, motioning to Isobel before pushing off the counter and walking over.

“She was really using all her assets,” Isobel chuckled when he reached her. “You didn’t even bat an eye. I guess you really are in love with him.”

Instead of the playful glare she expected, Michael’s shoulders dropped as he stared through the window.

“Fat lot of good that’s done me.”

She reached out and grabbed his arm, the touch drawing his eyes back towards her.

“I can’t have two sulking brothers, Michael. It’s bad enough with Max moping around all day.”

“I get that he was dead but all she asked for was a little space. He’s acting like a baby,” he muttered, keeping his voice low from the crowd around them. “Mine wants nothing to do with me anymore.”

“Alex did say friends,” she reminded.

“You seen him the past six days and three hours since he told me that?”

Isobel bit her lip to supress her smile. “You’ve been counting?”

He rolled his eyes and looked past her shoulder but the blush on his cheeks gave him away.

“Michael,” she started, moving to catch his eyes again. “It takes two to make a relationship work whether romantic or friendship and when it comes to you and Alex, you both suck at it. He said he wants to be friends but he hasn’t sought you out and you haven’t gone to him. Something’s gotta give and considering you were the one that screwed up last, it needs to be you.”

“I went to him already or did you forget me walking in on him and his one night stand with flowers in my hand, looking like a total jackass just before he rejected me?”

“I didn’t forget that,” she said softly. “But if you two have a shot at being friends, at being _anything_, you need to bridge the gap that’s between you right now.”

“Well, today I feel like getting drunk,” he said, blowing the air out of his lungs. “Why do you even need me here? What made you think I’d be into china patterns and doilies?”

“The fact that you even know what doilies are is why I picked you over Max,” she smirked. “Don’t forget we’re meeting at the park in a bit!”

Ignoring her comment, he motioned towards the entrance and stormed out. As the door swung shut behind him, he whirled around and ran headfirst into a strong chest. Stumbling backwards, he looked up ready to argue but froze when he saw Alex watching him with wide eyes, a charge filling the air between them. Sensing the other man was ready to bolt, Michael reached out and grabbed Alex’s arm, pulling him in sharply until their chests were pressed together.

“Wait,” he pleaded. “Just wait for a second.”

Alex licked his lips and Michael’s eyes quickly shot down to the wetness he left behind. Blinking through his trance, Alex slowly untangled himself and took a step back, leaving a foot of space between them.

“What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” Michael smirked.

“I meant _here_,” Alex rolled his eyes at the shop behind them. “Since when have you been into china patterns and doilies?”

Michael took a moment to smile at the comment before clearing his throat. “Maybe you don’t know me like you think you do.”

With a slight pause, Alex shook his head. “Yeah, I do.”

They stared at each other for another charged moment before Michael finally shrugged. “Haven’t seen you all week. Where’ve you been? Busy screwing other guys?”

“Guerin,” Alex started, already moving away.

“Hey, you said we could be friends, right?” Michael quickly grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving again. “Friends have these kinds of conversations.”

“Not you and me,” Alex sighed.

“Do you want to talk about the weather then?” Michael chuckled, the humor vacant from his words. “I don’t care, man. Just talk to me.”

Taking a sharp breath, Alex lowered his gaze to Michael’s fingers curled around his wrist. When he stood frozen, unable to pull away, Michael let his hand slide down even lower until their fingers twined together.

“Just hang with me for a bit,” he whispered, feeling a flutter in his stomach as he watched Alex drag his eyes back up to his face.

“Hanging with you means sex, Guerin,” Alex said, swallowing hard.

“Is that so bad?” Michael’s smile grew private as he moved closer by an inch. “Friends have sex, don’t they?”

“Not you and me,” Alex said and pulled his hand away. “If you’re looking for someone to warm your bed for the night, I’m sure there’s lots of willing people you can find. Just flirt like you always do and leave me out of it.”

Walking off before Michael could argue, Alex rounded the corner and hurried down the street, ignoring the frustrated growl behind him.

“Are you alright?” Liz asked when Alex took the seat across from her at the cafe.

“I’m good,” he managed a smile, taking a deep breath to calm him racing heart.

She pushed a coffee towards him and took a sip of her own.

“So,” Alex started, leaning back in his chair. “Max has been back for a little while. Are you still giving him the cold shoulder?”

“I’m not giving him the cold shoulder!” she argued but instantly deflated. “I guess I am.”

“I know you love him. I can see that in your eyes every time you talk about him,” he spoke softly. “What’s wrong, Liz? Why do you keep pushing him away?”

“It’s just,” she started and sighed heavily. “When he was gone, I missed him so much. My heart was completely broken even though Rosa was back. I was happy and guilty and sad at the same time.”

“But he’s back now,” he reminded. “Do you still want to be with him?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed.

“Then what’s holding you back? Are you afraid to open yourself up again?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged and the unimpressed look he gave made Liz roll her eyes. “I guess it’s just overwhelming.”

Reaching out, he took her hand and she smiled at the comfort.

“The way he loves me,” she spoke quietly. “He loved me for a decade when I was out there living my own life. Then I came back and I discovered everything and I hated him. I hated all three of them for what they did, for the cover ups, for what my Father and I went through, for the way Rosa’s name was destroyed. But then I let myself see it from their side and I let myself get closer and I fell in love with him. But he was willing to sacrifice himself to bring Rosa back.”

“I don’t think he knew how dangerous it was,” Alex cut in.

“Maybe he didn’t but he took the risk anyway. He loves me so much and here I am remembering all the reasons why I was angry at him,” Liz chuckled. “It’s just overwhelming. My mind is all over the place.”

“Have you told him any of this?” he asked and she gave him a look that made him smile. “Liz, if you want to be with him, you need to work through this. You need to tell him how you’re feeling. Nothing will get resolved if you stay angry at each other, if you keep pushing each other away.”

“Really?” Liz laughed, shaking her head when he frowned. “I spoke with Maria, Alex. She told me her and Michael are over.”

He released her hand and sat back, grabbing his coffee to avoid answering.

“So you can dish out all the good advice but can’t take it for yourself?” she teased. “What’s going on with you guys?”

“Nothing,” he started but her narrowed eyes made him lower his cup with a sigh. “He showed up at my cabin last week with flowers.”

“Michael Guerin showed up with flowers?” she asked before gushing. “Alex, that’s so sweet!”

Seeing the look in his eyes made her pull away.

“Not sweet?” she frowned.

“I don’t know if he expected me to fall over myself because he showed up or maybe he thought I’d drag him in to bed.”

“From your tone, it’s safe to assume neither one of those happened?”

“Of course none of that happened!” he said, glancing around himself at the other patrons. “He and Maria ended things and he came running over thinking we’d fall back together.”

“Alex, I don’t think he saw you as a rebound,” she argued.

“I know that,” he sighed. “Look, you and Max have a lot of history between you. So do Guerin and me. We had one kiss at the museum over a decade ago, slept together that same day only for everything to come crashing down around us. Then we saw each other at the reunion and we fell back into one another’s orbit but I let my Father get inside my head again. I let my fears take over and I walked away because like Guerin says, that’s what I always do.”

She stayed quiet as he spoke, giving him the space he needed.

“But then I found out about everything, about who he is and I took the news pretty damn well. I’ll take some credit for that,” he said and Liz chuckled quietly. “But then Caulfield happened.”

“You never really told me what happened that day. I just know bits from what Isobel said.”

He stayed quiet, staring over her shoulder. “The place was about to blow but he found his Mom. He was trying to get the door open, break the window and get to her but it was polycarbonate and he couldn’t penetrate it. The timer was running down and I tried to make him leave but he kept yelling at me to go. Told me they were his family so I finally told him that he was mine.”

Liz watched him in silence, feeling his sadness as he spoke.

“He realized I was staying with him even with the timer running out so he told me he didn’t love me and I called him a liar,” he shrugged.

“Would you have stayed?” she asked sharply.

“Yeah, I would have,” he whispered. “If he was dying, living didn’t really make sense.”

“Alex,” she gasped, reaching out to grasp his hand.

He wiped his eyes and sighed. “His Mother communicated with him and they had a moment. She told him to run so it didn’t really matter in the end. We ran out and the whole structure exploded, his Mother and the others all in there with it. All because of my Father.”

Silence immersed the space around them until Alex shook his thoughts away and met her eyes again.

“After that, when everything with Noah was happening, I went to him that night to talk, to tell him how I felt, how sorry I was, how I wanted to be better. To tell him I wanted to stop being so afraid,” he said, smiling sadly. “He took off because of Isobel. Told me to come back the next day but he never showed up. Found out afterwards he went to Maria that night. I guess I was too late.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered but he shook his head to cut her off.

“Guerin and me, it was never in the cards. Too many things stacked against us from the start,” he sighed. “Him coming to me with flowers after he and Maria called it quits, I never would have decided differently from how I did. Maria and me, we might have friction between us right now but she’s still my friend, I still love her like family. She cared about him, maybe even loved him. Guerin thinking I’d just open up my arms like that? Guess he doesn’t know me as well as he thinks.”

“Alex, I talked to Maria. She was upset at first and then she was angry at Michael, at herself. But she isn’t sitting at home crying her eyes out every night.”

“Maybe but that’s just one reason why him and I won’t happen again,” he replied. “My Father still being out there is a pretty damn big one.”

“And?” she pressed.

He smiled softly before shrugging. “Guess it just really hurts, him choosing her the way he did.”

“She’s been wanting to reach out to you,” Liz started. “Told me she’s picked up the phone so many times to call you, gotten in her truck to go by your cabin but she always stopped herself at the last second. Too afraid of what you would say. Too afraid you’d hang up or slam the door in her face.”

“I’d never do that,” he frowned. “Reason I distanced myself from them was so they could have a shot at being together without me constantly in their orbit. Yeah, I needed the distance for myself too but I really did want them to have that happiness.”

“I know,” she smiled. “I know you, Alex. You’re too damn good sometimes.”

He looked away, his eyes scanning through the scattered faces around them.

“So is it really over between you and Michael? Is it over between you and Maria?”

“Maria’s family, she always will be. Just because we’re not talking right now doesn’t change that. But Guerin? I guess we were never meant to be.”

“I may have figured this all out pretty late in the game but the way Michael looks at you is different, Alex.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he spoke quietly. “We just don’t work, we never have and the pain outweighs any good at this point.”

“Love is always worth it,” she pointed out.

“Not when every odd is stacked against you and not when the hurt gets to a point where you just can’t do it anymore,” he sighed. “But you and Max? You can come back from whatever distance is between you right now. Just talk to him.”

She released the breath from her lungs and squeezed his hand. “Are you going over to the park after? Isobel wants us all there to talk about something.”

“I guess I have to,” he shrugged, both getting to their feet. “I need to go sign some more paperwork at the base first. Thanks for the coffee.”

“Thanks for the advice although I wish you would take it for yourself too,” she smiled, leaning in for a hug. “See you in a bit.”

He gave a small wave and grabbed his cup before leaving. Crossing the street, he made his way towards his truck and climbed inside. With the door shut behind him, he leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes, letting his exhaustion take over.

  
********

Parking his truck at the far end of the lot, Michael shrank in his seat and let his head fall back in exhaustion. He’d wanted to go back to his trailer and drink his miseries away but running into Alex had left his thoughts a jumbled mess. Rather than wasting the rest of his day away, he’d gone back to his bunker to work on the console instead. As much as he wanted to hate the other man, Michael couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but love when his thoughts fell back on Alex.

Forcing himself out of the truck, he made his way forward, walking on the grass towards the bench at the end of the clearing. When he was close enough to make out the conversation, he took the seat next to Isobel and rolled his eyes at Max voicing the same complaints about Liz he kept repeating. As broken as he’d been when Max had died, his sulking the past two weeks was enough to leave Michael frustrated at his brother like always.

“Hi.”

Maria made her way towards them, taking the spot beside Max as Liz sat on the other end. Michael watched them avoid one another before his own eyes caught Maria’s across the bench.

“Hey,” he gave a small smile, breaking through the silence. “How have you been?”

Maria hesitated for a moment before turning towards Liz. Feeling his shoulders slump, he let his head fall against the bench, ignoring the look of pity Isobel was giving.

“How was your date with Brad?” Kyle asked as he fell into step next to Alex, making their way through the park towards the others.

“You mean the guy you threw at me before disappearing even though you said you and I would be grabbing drinks?” Alex tossed him a glare. “It was boring.”

“Damn, you’re picky!” Kyle chuckled. “What was wrong with this guy?”

“He kept talking about his job,” Alex shrugged. “He’s a car salesman. Not that exciting.”

“Alex, I’m running out of guys to set you up with. It’s Roswell, not New York,” Kyle smiled, tossing his arm around Alex’s shoulders.

“Easy fix. Stop setting me up.”

Kyle rolled his eyes but let his arm linger as they came to a stop beside the bench. Michael glanced up when they neared, his eyes narrowing at Kyle’s arm before looking away.

“Alright, we’re here. What’s going on?” Kyle broke through the silence.

“I asked you all to come because there’s something I want to propose,” Isobel started. “Basically, our lives suck.”

Kyle snorted before laughing, the sound making Alex smile at him fondly.

“Laugh it up but it’s true,” Isobel glared. “I don’t think I need to give the rundown on why our lives are terrible. Remember Noah? Yeah, that’s my life.”

Liz reached out and squeezed her hand, the small touch giving Isobel the comfort she needed to keep going.

“We’ve all been through a lot the past few months,” she spoke quietly, nervously pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Max is back and things have maybe sort of calmed down but we’re not okay. None of us are okay.”

“Is there a point to this conversation?” Michael grumbled, keeping his eyes focused on his hands to avoid the two men standing beside him.

“Whether we like it or not, whether we like each other or not, the secrets we share have bonded us together. We’ve all been through a lot and who knows what else will happen with people like Sergeant Manes out there,” Isobel said before scrunching her face at Alex. “Sorry.”

“Believe me, I take no offense,” he sighed.

“What are you trying to say?” Max asked, his impatience cutting through.

“I’m saying we should take advantage of this brief period of calm and maybe try to fix whatever’s fractured between us before the next crap gets dumped at our feet,” she exclaimed.

“You want us to bond?” Kyle chuckled. “How, by sitting around a campfire singing kumbaya?”

“No,” she glared. “I thought maybe we could get away for a few days, put some distance between us and all our problems and bad memories. Just take a few days to catch our breaths, regroup.”

“Where do you suggest we go?” Liz asked quietly.

“Vegas,” she smiled.

Michael snorted at the thought. “You want us to go to Vegas and get drunk enough to forget some of us hate each other?”

Without realizing, his eyes locked with Alex and they held their gaze for several seconds, neither able to look away. Maria stared between them before glancing down, a twinge of hurt pinching her heart at the heated exchange. Finally dragging his eyes away, Alex looked up at Isobel and shrugged.

“Why not?”

All eyes landed on him as Isobel leaned forward.

“Really? You like the idea?” she asked eagerly.

“My enlistment ended so I’m free until I find a job or until the military ropes me back in. Getting drunk for a few days sounds good right now.”

“If he’s in, so am I,” Kyle smiled. “I’ve done so many double shifts, the Chief will give me the few days without any trouble.”

“This is easier than I imagined,” Isobel chuckled as she faced the others. “Max, seriously, come on!”

He sighed but glanced sideways at Liz. They held eyes briefly until she finally nodded.

“De Luca, are you in?” Isobel asked.

“She’s in,” Liz answered for her, ignoring Maria’s sound of protest. “You could use the time to do that thing we talked about.”

Her friend glared before grudgingly accepting the invitation.

“Michael?” Isobel asked, leaning against him. “Stop pretending you don’t want to come.”

He rolled his eyes and shrugged, the move making Isobel’s smile widen.

“Leave all the planning to me. Just keep your schedules open for next week. It’s the long weekend.”

“That’s kind of short notice,” Liz started but held up her hands at Isobel’s narrowed gaze.

“I have to go. Just send me the details,” Alex started.

“Another date?” Michael asked, unable to help himself.

“Yeah, Guerin, his name is John and he’s done wonders with me so far,” Alex rolled his eyes as he made his way back towards the parking.

“Bet you set him up,” Michael grunted at Kyle when Alex had disappeared.

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Maria muttered, grabbing Liz and leading her away.

Max watched them go before rising from the bench and walking in the opposite direction. Kyle shook his head at Michael before following the others, distracting himself with his cell phone as he went.

“Well, that went better than I thought it would,” she smiled. “Come on, Michael. This could be a good thing. You and Alex alone for a few days.”

“We’re not going on some romantic getaway for two,” he snorted. “You invited everyone.”

“I invited everyone because we need to work out all the issues between us. Shit will eventually hit the fan again, Michael, and when it does, it can’t just be you, me and Max anymore. We need them,” she reminded. “Liz did a lot for us the past few months. So has Alex. Kyle was the one who found the serum that brought Max back! Did you forget that part? We haven’t even properly thanked him!”

He rolled his eyes but looked away, letting her words settle.

“I just want us all on the same page. No more lies, no more secrets, no more pain or hurt or anger. Too much of that has already happened and I’m tired of it.”

“Iz,” he started, his gaze softening but she held her hand up to silence him.

“I want you to be happy, Michael, and your happiness is Alex,” she exclaimed. “I want Max to be happy and his happiness is Liz.”

“You deserve that too,” he said quietly.

“It will be a long time before I’ll even think of another relationship,” she sighed. “All my love, all my trust, everything I felt for Noah…it was all a lie. I can’t get over that, not yet.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

“Vegas it is,” he sighed, his words making her smile widen.

“Don’t worry, Michael. I’ll help you make things right with Alex,” she grinned, her mood instantly lifted.

He watched her for a few moments before looking away. As much as he wanted to believe her words, to let himself hope that things between him and Alex could change, it broke his heart too much to allow that hope to grow. But for Isobel, he’d do anything.

  
********  


Making his way through the hospital corridor, Alex pulled open the double doors and entered the quiet waiting room. Stepping towards the front desk, he bit his lower lip as the young receptionist smiled up at him.

“Alex Manes, I have an appointment at five.”

She looked through her screen before smiling at him again. “Go on down. He’s expecting you.”

Moving past the desk, he made his way down the hallway, stopping at a door that read Dr. John Goodwin, Chief of Psychiatry. Knocking gently, he waited for the command before walking in, closing the door and moving towards the leather sofa in the center of the room. Seated across him was an older man, smiling gently as he pushed his glasses above his head.

“Alex, glad you made it. How have you been since our session last week?”

“Fine,” he shrugged, rubbing his hands over his knees before twining his fingers together.

“You don’t have to be nervous. We can talk about anything you want or we can keep the conversation simple,” he spoke kindly, reaching for his notepad as he settled in his chair.

“I think avoiding everything is probably what led me here,” he sighed.

“Are you embarrassed to be here?”

“Not embarrassed, no,” he shook his head. “Just never been the person who talked about things. Denial and internalizing have been my greatest friends over the years.”

“Well, you are quite aware. That’s a bit of a change from the norm,” John smiled. “I want you to know that there’s no right or wrong way to conduct these sessions. There’s no pressure for you to do this fast or slow. We go at whatever pace works for you.”

“Janice at the VA office recommended you,” Alex said, reaching for the bottle of water that had been left for him. “Her older brother was a veteran. Did a couple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Really messed with his head. She said you helped him.”

“Without discussing my other patients in detail, I can say that I’m humbled and appreciative that Janice said what she did,” John said, leaning back in his seat. “Is that what you are, Alex? A veteran?”

“My ten year enlistment period ended a few days ago. I signed my papers and finally left so yeah, guess that’s what I am,” he nodded.

“But that’s not all you are,” John pressed, flipping back a page in his notebook. “Last time we spoke, I asked you to name five things that have impacted your life the most, whether negatively or in a good way. Do you remember what five things you said?”

Staring down at his hands, Alex let silence wash over him. John watched him with patience, never moving, allowing him the time he needed to gather his thoughts.

“My Mother, my Father, war, Caulfield and Michael,” he finally said.

“Your Mother, your Father, war, Caulfield and Michael,” John repeated. “Would you like to discuss any of them today?”

Taking another sip of his water, Alex sighed as he leaned back against his leather seat.

“I didn’t really want to come here,” he started. “Even with Janice giving a glowing recommendation, I didn’t want to come. Weakness is not something I can easily admit. Lowering my guards long enough to let my emotions show. I’m not very good at that.”

“Is the reason why that’s difficult for you, showing and admitting weakness, because of the five things you mentioned?” John asked, leaning slightly forward. “Asking for help is never a sign of weakness, Alex. It means you recognize you could use some support and you’re strong enough to ask for it.”

“Not too easy with the family I have,” he sighed, tears already beginning to prickle the corners of his eyes. “My Mom left when I was a kid. I have three older brothers, Flint, Joey and Colin. When she left us, the three of them got past it easily. It didn’t seem to bother them that one day she was there, the next she was gone.”

“But it was different for you?”

“I was always closer with her than with my Father, even as a kid,” he replied. “She and I used to do everything together.”

“How old were you when she left?”

“Nine,” he sighed. “Came home from school and my Father had this look on his face. I’d seen him angry before but it was always a cold, detached anger. That day, when I got home, he just lost it. Destroyed the whole house downstairs, told me she was gone and if I ever mentioned her again, I’d suffer for it. I asked my brothers what the hell was going on after he stormed out but all they said was the same thing he had. She was just gone.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Worried, upset, heartbroken,” he shrugged. “I took my bike, went to all the places we used to go to, just the two of us. The ice cream parlor on Main Street, the library on Michigan, the bakery with the lemon cupcakes she loved. No one had seen her, no one knew where she was.”

“You searched for your Mom but you couldn’t find her?”

“She was just gone,” Alex spoke quietly. “When I got home, I called her friends but nothing. Started crying, my Father came home and it made him angrier so I ran away and went to Kyle’s, bunked with him for the weekend.”

“Kyle was your friend?”

“Best friend as kids. We grew apart when we got older but recently got our friendship back on track. He’s a good guy. I’m glad he’s back in my life. Never realized how much I really needed him,” he said, staring down at his hands. “I kept searching every day for two weeks and then one day, I just gave up. My Father had told everyone they had gotten divorced, that he had been granted custody and she had gone back to her family out West. I was nine. Never really questioned what he said back then. I hated that she was gone but I believed him.”

“Have you been in contact with your Mother since then?”

“A few years back, when I was on leave, I went to San Diego for a training exercise. Didn’t really want to come back to Roswell,” he shrugged. “Saw her at random across the street. Ran out into traffic, almost got hit. She was so shocked to see me. Started crying, telling me how much I’d grown, that she missed me. I was so angry at her but I let her hug me. She wanted to grab some food, catch up like we were two old friends who hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks. I couldn’t really handle that so I made an excuse to leave. She took my number and gave me hers before I left. After that, every few months, she’d call me up and we’d talk about the dumbest things. What the weather was like where she was, the latest music and movies, never anything that mattered. I asked her once why she left and she hung up on me. Didn’t call me for six months after that. I gave up at that point, just let her talk about nothing.”

John stayed silent, giving him a moment to collect himself.

“I hate her,” Alex said, lifting his gaze. “She walked out on her family, abandoned us, abandoned _me_ to that house, to my Father. My brothers, all carbon copies of him. I’m the one that never fit in, the black sheep and she left me there to fend for myself. There was never any love in our home, scarcely saw it when she was there and it all but disappeared when she left. He ran his house like the military, like we were at boot camp. No joy, no life, just misery. Following the rules, obeying his commands.”

“That must have made your anger towards your Mother grow.”

“Sometimes I don’t even want to answer when she calls.”

“But you _do_ answer.”

“She’s my Mother,” Alex sighed, his sadness bleeding through.

John nodded, allowing a few moments of silence to rid the tension from the air. “You said your Father ran your house like the military, like boot camp. Can you talk more about that?”

“He wasn’t a good Father or a good man. Can we leave it at that?”

“We can if that’s what you need,” John nodded slowly. “But of the five things you mentioned, your voice, your tone, your face, they all altered slightly at his mention. As if you were afraid.”

“I’m not afraid of him!” Alex snapped. “Maybe I was back then, when I was younger, but I’m not afraid of him now. I’m _not_!”

John gave him a kind smile but stayed quiet, watching as Alex shrank back on the sofa.

“He’s not a good person,” he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. “All the things he’s done…”

“What has he done?” John pressed but Alex wiped at his eyes and looked away.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Alex, I think it matters very much,” John nodded. “Whatever your Father is responsible for, it has impacted you greatly. It doesn’t take all the degrees on my wall for me to see that.”

“I wish he was dead,” Alex blurted, meeting the older man’s eyes. “I hate my Mother for leaving but my Father? I hate him more than anything.”

“Why?” John asked quietly.

“He took my strength and power away from me,” Alex managed, his voice cracking at the end. “I joined the Air Force for a lot of reasons but one reason was to get that power back. I wanted to be the type of person who won battles, not the guy who kept losing everything.”

Shaking his head, he pressed his fist against his leg, feeling the prosthetic under his jeans. John let his eyes travel down, frowning slightly at the move.

“Time’s up,” Alex stared at the clock on the farthest wall. “Half an hour goes by so quickly.”

“I will be happy to stay and talk longer,” John offered.

“I need more than one session to talk about my Father, about Michael," Alex said as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Alright,” John relented. “Same time next week work for you?”

“A friend is actually trying to plan a Vegas getaway for our group. I’d have to see when she books the flights.”

“I don’t want to dampen your vacation but I really would like to see you again and soon.”

Nodding, Alex rose to his feet and made his way towards the door, turning back around as he grabbed the handle. “Have you ever been tired?”

“Physically?” John asked as he took a step forward.

“Just tired,” Alex sighed. “My whole life has felt like one battle after another and it just won’t end. Sometimes I wonder.”

“Wonder what?” John asked, moving closer.

“If it would have been better, not walking out of the desert that day when we were ambushed,” he said and sighed.

“Alex, I really want you to stay a bit longer. Let us keep talking,” John pleaded.

“I’m okay, Doc,” he shook his head. “I’m still standing and I’ll keep standing. That’s the one thing I’m good at. Surviving.”

With a small smile, he turned and walked out of the office as John followed.

“I’d like you to keep in touch with me throughout the week. You have my number. Just send me a text, let me know how you’re doing.”

Alex nodded before pushing past the doors at the end of the hall, disappearing down the corridor. Making his way through the hospital, he let the fresh air settle in his lungs when he walked outside. Climbing back into his truck, he raised the radio volume high, drowning his thoughts in the blasting music as he drove out of town. When he was back behind closed doors at his cabin, his legs led him to his bedroom, pulling a small box from the back of his closet. Settling on his bed, he kicked off his shoes and took a breath before opening the lid.

The picture on top was one of him sandwiched between Liz and Maria, laughing at the camera back in senior year. His eyes lingered on Maria’s face, guilt and sadness washing over him. Putting the image away, he glanced down and smiled at a photo of him and Kyle from preschool, arms linked together with matching grins. Setting the photo aside, the smile on his face fell away as his eyes landed on the image of his Mother, cradling him in her arms at the hospital the day he was born. He took in the smile on her face and the love in her eyes, feeling the pain twist sharply in his chest. Lowering the photo down to the others, he looked back in the box and froze at his medals. Letting his head fall backwards, he closed his eyes and remembered the day his superiors had awarded him, injured and alone in the hospital overseas.

Before his thoughts could grow dark from the memories, he lowered the medals and glanced inside the box again. With a shaky hand, he reached in and pulled out the final photo. Michael was staring back at him, guitar held in his arms, his messy curls in disarray. After kissing at the museum that day, they’d driven out into the desert, enjoying the closeness between them. Once they were far enough from the main road, Michael had parked and they’d climbed into the bed of the truck. When Michael had reached for his loaned guitar, Alex had whipped out his phone and taken a picture to capture the innocent moment. They’d played a few tunes and kissed in between, their smiles never leaving their faces. When Michael’s hands had began to drift and his kisses started traveling down Alex’s neck, they’d decided to go somewhere more private. They’d driven back to Alex’s house, slipping quietly into the shed to share a perfect moment of happiness before everything had changed.

Staring down at the image, Alex let his fingers trace the contours of Michael’s face, feeling his tears start to form. The photo had traveled with him overseas, had survived through ten years of war and kept Alex away from his depressive thoughts when he recuperated at the hospital after losing his leg. Lowering the photo onto the bed, he closed his eyes and let his head fall backwards again, a tear slipping down his cheek. His love for Michael had never ended but too much damage had happened between them. Alex had walked away. Michael had _looked_ away. Maria had happened. Caulfield. His Father. As much as he wanted to lower his guards and let himself be happy, to accept the flowers Michael had wanted to give, his fears refused to leave.


	6. SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! I was on vacation and then I was moving and just crazy busy all around! Will try to update more quickly from now on. Thanks so much for all the comments :) Oh and OMG with those Vlamburn pics!!!

*****

“Michael!”

Walking out of his trailer, he spent a moment taking in Isobel’s narrowed gaze and lowered the beer from his lips.

“Are you even packed?”

He glanced behind him at the messy trailer, shrugging his shoulders without care. “Not like I have much to bring anyway.”

She took a deep breath to steel her patience. “What’s the reason for the mood this time? Usual suspects or something new?”

“Was thinking about my mom,” he said, watching as her eyes widened.

Sighing quietly, he moved past her towards one of the chairs, falling down with a heavy thud as she took the seat beside him.

“When I let myself think about it,” he started, lowering his empty bottle to the ground. “Still can’t believe I found her. All those years, never feeling like I really belonged anywhere. I found her and lost her in the span of a few minutes.”

“Michael,” she exhaled, reaching out to hold his hand.

“Most of the time, my mind refuses to go back to that day. It’s too hard thinking about what happened,” he said, swallowing hard. “But I remembered something today. Can’t believe I forgot it, really.”

“What?” she asked, tightening her grip.

“He was going to stay with me,” Michael said, lifting his gaze to meet hers. “Alex, he was going to stay with me even with the timer going off. He wanted us to leave, he tried to get me to go but I couldn’t leave her so he stayed.”

“Michael,” she whispered, but no other words followed.

“That whole day was overwhelming so I think maybe my mind just blocked the rest of it,” he said and shook his head. “But he was going to stay there with me, die with me and I acted like that wasn’t some sort of declaration.”

“You were going through a lot,” she said quietly.

“He was willing to _die_ with me, Iz, and I ran off to be with his friend,” he spat the words out, rubbing an angry hand across his eyes.

Sighing deeply, she squeezed his hand a final time before sitting back. “Not your finest moment.”

He looked up wanting to argue, but she held her hand in the air to stop him.

“Michael, I love you but I’m not going to sugar coat anything for you either. That’s not who I am,” she shrugged. “What you did was hurtful, thoughtless, inconsiderate and completely against what you really felt deep down. You hurt Maria by making that choice, you hurt yourself by not being honest and you hurt Alex most of all. You said it yourself. He was willing to die with you at Caulfield. If that’s _not_ a declaration, I don’t know what is.”

He leaned forward and rubbed his neck, the self hatred he felt shining on his face.

“But,” she said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “You had just lost your Mom, Michael. You had reasons to be all over the place. Alex knows that too.”

He smiled sadly, using his free hand to push his loose curls away. “I keep trying to think of ways to fix things between us and I can’t come up with anything. He won’t see me, he won’t talk to me. A part of me wants to lock us up together somewhere, just so we can air it all out. But he doesn’t do too well when he’s cornered so that option’s out too. I don’t know how to fix it. He won’t _let_ me fix it.”

“Michael, you told me that you love him. Has that changed?” she asked, waiting until he had shaken his head before speaking again. “You just have to keep trying then. Right now, he’s not giving you the time of day, probably because he’s still hurting. You keep hurting each other, Michael. Instead of pushing each other away, you need to start fighting _for_ one another and Vegas could be a great opportunity for it. You’ll be in each other’s orbit, away from all the reminders of everything that happened, everything that got in the way of you two in the first place. You’ll be able to breathe and maybe then you can take a chance.”

“You really think so?” he asked, smiling at her optimism.

“Yes,” she smiled back. “All you need is a pair of eyes, Michael.”

When he frowned in confusion, she chuckled and rose to her feet.

“The way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention? Believe me, Michael, the love is there. It might be buried deep, but it’s there. You just have to work to bring it out. He won’t make it easy for you and knowing now what he was willing to sacrifice, you really do deserve the shut out,” she said before a grin settled on her lips. “But you can make things right. Get off that chair and let me help you pack so we can get to the airport and start this damn vacation!”

He smiled when she ran out of breath, reaching out to squeeze her hand.

  
********

“We going to talk again today or just sit here quietly?” Alex looked up from his lap.

“That’s up to you,” John smiled. “If you would like to continue our conversation from last week, I’ll be happy to listen.”

Alex looked to the opposite end of the room, staring at the large mural of a sunset pinned to the wall.

“We talked about your Mother,” John prompted, drawing Alex’s gaze back. “Would you like to discuss your Father today? You said he took your strength and power away and that’s why you hated him. Why don’t we start there?”

When Alex didn’t answer, John sat forward in his chair.

“How are you feeling today?” the older man asked, changing tactics.

“I have good days and bad days like everyone else,” Alex shrugged. “But I want today to be a good day. I’m supposed to go to the airport in a bit. We’re going to Vegas, our group of friends.”

He chuckled as he rubbed his neck.

“Is that even what we are?” he scoffed. “Max and Isobel, I don’t really know them all that well. Things between me and Maria are the same as they’ve been for the past several weeks. Distant and awkward. Michael? Things between us are not that great either. It’s supposed to be a vacation for all of us to bond, to bury all the anger and hurt between us but there’s a lot of it to go around. Surprised I even agreed, to be honest.”

“Why did you?”

“My Father is supposed to be coming back to base in a few days. At least, that’s what they told me. I guess I just need some time to get my head on straight, put my game face on before I see him again.”

“Your Father,” John repeated. “Last time, you mentioned that after your Mother left, your home never had any joy, any love. Your Father ran his house like he would a military base, just orders and commands you had to obey.”

“Drill Sergeant extreme,” Alex scoffed.

“You also said that he wasn’t a good man. Can we talk about that a bit more?”

Alex stared off to the side for several seconds, his eyes growing distant.

“It was always little things at first,” he started, running his tense hands down his thighs. “He’d grab my arm too tight or push me into the wall. Anger was always brewing just below the surface but it wasn’t the yelling, screaming kind. He was cold and quiet, every move calculating. In all honesty, it never should have surprised me, that first time, but it did.”

“What do you mean?” John asked.

“The first time he hit me,” Alex replied, slowly looking up.

John’s eyes widened by a fraction but he quickly let his surprise fade away. “How old were you when that happened?”

“Fifteen,” Alex sighed, running his knuckles against his good leg. “It was a military barbecue that my Father had helped organize. All military personnel stationed at the base were there with their families. Lots of Corporals and Privates but the big guys were there too. Captains, Majors and even our base Commander attended. But a lot of civilians were there too so my friend Kyle came with his parents. His Dad and mine were close back then. We were off to the side, Kyle and me, eating and just having a good time. It was a good day.”

“What changed?”

“Someone ran into Kyle and he got soda all over his clothes so he took his shirt off,” Alex remembered, staring past John’s shoulder, his gaze unfocused. “He’d been working out for months, trying to get his body into shape for the football team.”

“Then what happened?”

“I guess I just looked at him differently,” Alex shrugged. “Girls had never really interested me up until that point but it wasn’t like I was running around ogling all the guys in our school either. I didn’t even realize it back then. Always had too much on my mind with my family.”

He took a breath and finally met the older man’s eyes.

“But Kyle took his shirt off and I noticed and my Father saw me noticing him,” he sighed. “My own reaction didn’t even register to me at the time but he understood.”

“What happened after?” John asked quietly.

“Kyle grabbed a spare shirt and we went back to hanging out,” Alex smiled sadly. “But my Father? He kept a tight lid on his emotions for the rest of the day. I saw him watching me but it just never clicked. Two of my brothers, Flint and Joey, they came home with us at the end of the night. Both were on leave.”

“What happened when you got home?”

“I remember him catching me off guard,” Alex replied as tears began forming in his eyes. “I think Flint made a sound of protest but our Father scared them both so they just stood there and watched him hurt me over and over again. Hit after hit after hit. I didn’t even recognize myself after.”

He wiped at his eyes and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

“When he was finally done and walked out, my brothers just left me there on the ground, bleeding. They didn’t even try to help me. They just walked out after him,” he shrugged, another tear slipping down his face. “I managed to crawl upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. Tried to clean myself up but I was kind of a lost cause. All I managed to do was snap my nose back into place.”

He heard a gentle gasp across the room but couldn’t bring himself to look up.

“Didn’t eat or do anything for two days, just laid in bed. I managed to leave the house finally, went to a free clinic downtown so they’d keep things private. I had two fractured ribs, my wrist was sprained and I had lacerations and bruises on my face, chest and neck. I told them I fell down the stairs. I know they didn’t buy it but it was a free clinic so they didn’t ask too many questions. Just wrapped me up in bandages, gave me a bunch of prescriptions and showed me the door,” he said quietly. “I didn’t have a job yet so I couldn’t pay for the meds on my own. Obviously, I couldn’t go to him or my brothers for the money and I wasn’t about to let my friends find out what happened so I suffered through without it. Stayed home for two weeks and he was more than happy to give some lie to the school about me getting into an accident. When I finally went back, my friends were worried but I played it off like nothing had happened. Denial, one of my greatest comforts over the years.”

He leaned back against the cushions, the sigh heavy from his lips.

“_You will never embarrass me like that again. No son of mine will ever engage in sin_,” he said, mimicking Jesse’s tone. “That’s what he said that day. I stayed away from home as much as I could, spent a lot of time at Maria’s place. She knew something was up, she was always in tune with feelings and emotions but I never confirmed anything and she never pushed me to talk about it. I think she knew I needed some semblance of normalcy and she gave that to me the only way she could. I loved her for that.”

Reaching forward, he grabbed the mug of coffee and took a large sip.

“I thought it was one time only and for a while, I really believed it. Kyle had left for football camp before I went back for the last couple weeks of school. When he came back at the end of summer, I didn’t even recognize him,” he shook his head. “He had a bunch of new friends, guys that were all on the football team with him. There were rumors going around about me at that point, rumors that I was gay. Seems like everyone was figuring things out about me before I did.”

“What happened when Kyle came back?”

“I went to see him but the look in his eyes, I knew he was different. His new friends were all there. I guess he wanted to look good in front of them or something. Called me a bunch of names, told me he couldn’t be friends with…,” he said before cutting himself off. “I guess you can figure out the rest. Funny part is that I never even thought about him that way. Even though I looked at him differently at the barbecue that day, even though I was just starting to make sense of all the feelings going through my head, I never thought about Kyle as anything more than a friend. But he wanted to save face so he said a lot of things that really hurt. I went home and cried which was a big mistake. Daddy Dearest was there and no son of his would cry over another man.”

He lowered the mug on the table before leaning back again.

“After that, the hits became a regular thing. Just his way of bending me the way he wanted. He thought he could beat the _gay_ out of me,” he scoffed, his tears threatening to spill over. “For a long time, it worked. He tore at me, piece by piece, every day taking just a bit more of my power away.”

“Did you ever tell anyone what was happening?”

“Who could I tell?” Alex chuckled, running a hand across his eyes. “My Mother was long gone. Had no grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. My brothers didn’t give a shit and they weren’t in the house anyway. My best friend turned his back on me. All I had was Maria and Liz. They both had too much on their plates already and I wasn’t going to dump my heavy business on them too. Besides, even if I wanted to tell someone, to stand in the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs that my Father was an abusive, homophobic dick, it wouldn’t have made a difference. At the end of the day, he was a decorated soldier who was liked by his superiors and respected by the community. Who'd believe me over him? I was alone. I’ve always been alone.”

He stared down at his injured leg, feeling the prosthetic beneath his jeans.

“I just took it and took it until one day I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Did you try to harm yourself?” John asked quietly.

“Not then,” Alex smiled sadly, continuing before John could comment. “I meant that I gave the world the biggest middle finger and started being who I wanted, dressing how I wanted. Gave absolutely zero shits anymore. I think he was caught off guard by my boldness. Tried to beat that out of me too but I didn’t give in. I started wearing black, bought a handcuff necklace I wore all the time, guyliner, piercing, the whole nine yards and for a while, all of that helped. Gave me some of my control back, I guess. He took a step back for a bit. As long as I wasn’t sinning with the same sex under his roof, he could explain away the emo look as teenage rebellion to anyone who asked.”

“What changed?”

“Michael,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I met Michael and everything changed.”

“You loved him?” John asked kindly.

“Not past tense,” Alex smiled, wiping at his new tears. “Fell in love with him senior year and I never stopped. Ten years later and he still means more to me than anything.”

“He loved you too?”

“Yeah, he did,” he said after a moment. “At least, I like to think he did. We were in the same classes and even knew the same people but we never really interacted before our final semester senior year. His living situation wasn’t the best so out of nowhere, really, I ended up offering him our shed as a warm place for him to stay. He took me up on it, started spending his nights there instead of inside his truck. It felt good, helping someone.”

He smiled fondly at the memory before the heaviness of what had happened made his gaze sadden.

“Prom came and Kyle and I got into another fight. We started throwing fists and Michael stepped in. I remember feeling differently about him after that but I was too scared to say anything,” he shrugged. “Roswell’s not exactly a big town and the chances of another boy being gay or bisexual were slim. At least, admitting it anyway. But one night after prom, I went to the shed and he was there. I gave him Joey’s guitar. Not like my brother was around to use it. We had a moment and I felt this pull towards him. I leaned in but he pulled back.”

He chuckled at the memory, his mind going over that night for a brief moment.

“He showed up at the UFO Emporium after a few days. That’s where I worked but it wasn’t the huge attraction they have now. It was smaller, more intimate,” he said. “He wanted to talk and I figured he was there to gently let me down. He wasn’t the vindictive type of person. Never had a mean bone in his body. He still doesn’t.”

Looking down, he took a deep breath and continued.

“We went to the back and just when I thought he was going to turn me down, he kissed me instead,” he smiled shyly. “It was like something had woken inside me. Knowing that the person I couldn’t stop thinking about cared about me too was a lot to take in. But it felt right. Him and me? It always felt right.”

“You spent the day together?” John asked, smiling gently.

“We went back to the shed,” Alex nodded, blushing slightly. “I know back then, with the rebel image I put out, everyone thought I was sleeping around but that was kind of a shield to protect myself more than anything. Sleeping with Michael that night, it was my first time.”

He quickly looked away, the vulnerability he was feeling too much for a moment. John waited patiently, giving him the time he needed to gather himself, staying silent until Alex finally looked up again.

“My Father barged in after,” he finally said, the shyness gone from his voice. “He confronted us, grabbed me around my throat, started throwing a bunch of threats. Michael got in the way.”

“What happened?”

“He took a hammer and shattered Michael’s hand.”

Alex leaned forward and pressed his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands.

“Michael was a mess. He let me bandage him but then he took off,” he whispered, lifting his red eyes towards the older man. “We saw each other in passing at school but we didn’t really talk until after I had enlisted. He was mad, accused me of running away. We fought and I left.”

“You wanted to be the person who won battles instead of the person who kept losing everything,” John repeated the words from their last session. “Did the military help in that way?”

“Yes and no,” Alex said brokenly. “Did it make me stronger, joining the military for ten years? Doing a bunch of tours overseas, seeing what I saw? Sure it did. But I lost a lot too so I don’t really know if it was worth it.”

He leaned back against the cushions with a sigh.

“I’m so tired,” he spoke quietly. “I’m tired of closing my eyes and seeing my Father in my dreams. I’m tired of seeing everything I went through overseas on an endless loop. I’m tired of being alone, of always fighting and being afraid. I’m just tired.”

“Alex, what you have been through in your life, things we haven’t even touched on yet,” John started. “I’m very sorry for all of your suffering. You may not see it but you have a strong spirit, a resilient one. You’re a survivor, remember?”

“Yeah,” Alex smiled softly.

“But going at it alone, shouldering the weight of everything you’ve been carrying is enough to break any man, even one as strong and resilient as you,” John sighed. “Asking for help, coming here and talking about your past, is a very important step. As a Doctor, I don’t like putting labels on my patients but we can start you on moderate prescriptions if you want.”

“I don’t want any meds,” Alex cut in, his tone final.

“I didn’t think you did,” John smiled kindly. “I know you have to leave soon, that you’re going away on your trip. But before you do, I need you to hear something and I mean, _really_ hear it. What happened was not your fault.”

“Yeah, it kind of was,” Alex argued weakly.

“No,” John shook his head, his voice firm. “What your Father did to you, your friend Kyle, Michael’s hand, none of that was your fault.”

“If I wasn’t gay, my Father wouldn’t have done what he did,” Alex shrugged. “If I didn’t fall in love with Michael, he wouldn’t have gone through all that pain.”

“Alex,” John started. “There is nothing wrong with who you are. There is nothing wrong with who you love. The people who have hurt you, they are the ones to blame, not you.”

“I hate that he can still affect me the way he does,” Alex whispered, his tears falling freely.

“Alex, your Father abused you,” John spoke slowly. “He made you feel ashamed for being who you are when who you are is someone that is strong, resilient and kind-hearted. You care about the people that matter to you. You put their happiness ahead of your own. You are not to blame for any of this. You are a good person who has been through unimaginable pain.”

Alex raised his red eyes to see John glancing down at his leg.

“I can’t talk about that,” he whispered, his voice breaking.

“Have you ever spoken to anyone about it? Your Commanding Officer? The VA Office? The Doctors at the hospital?”

“The Doctors tried but I couldn’t,” Alex replied, his voice barely above a whisper. “You asked me before, that question. When I woke up in the hospital, it was the lowest I’ve ever been.”

His hands had started shaking and he quickly curled his fingers into fists.

“I can’t talk about that,” he repeated, taking a deep breath to steady his emotions.

“I don’t want to push you. This has been a very intense session,” John nodded. “But Alex, as good a friend as denial has been to you all these years, talking about your past, everything you’ve been through, it’s the first step to helping you heal.”

Rising to his feet, Alex walked towards the window, staring out at the afternoon sky. Closing his eyes, he let the warm sunshine bask over his face, calming the raging storm that brewed inside him.

“I don’t think I’ll ever really heal,” he finally said, turning back towards the Doctor again. “My leg’s a permanent reminder of that. Every time I look down, I remember everything and I can’t ever get away from it. I don’t really sleep at nights, too many nightmares and when I’m awake, everything is there. At first, a part of me wanted to find some sort of escape, something to numb everything away but relaxing is not something I’m good at. Keeping my guard up is like a default setting for me nowadays. So alcohol is not an option. Meds are not an option. Keeping busy is all I can do.”

He took a step forward and met John’s eyes.

“Michael and I tried again when I came back from overseas. A few months ago, we reunited and it felt like no time had passed at all. Even after ten long years, it was like we were seventeen again,” he smiled sadly. “But I let my Father get to me like always and I walked away over a stupid argument. But then a lot of other things happened that kind of brought us back together.”

He hesitated, knowing there was so much he couldn’t say.

“We found his Mother,” he said, swallowing hard at the memory. “But we lost her soon after. Michael lost her. He was devastated beyond words and he needed comfort. So he ended up going to one of my best friends, Maria.”

John frowned but Alex kept talking.

“I thought we were going to make amends, maybe have an actual chance to be together but he didn’t want that anymore. Maybe he did but he was scared. I don’t know,” he shrugged. “But he went to her and chose to be with her.”

“That must have been difficult for you,” John suggested.

“Difficult?” Alex chuckled. “Try impossible. Despite everything, all the mistakes I’ve made, all the bad memories and the pain, he was the one thing I ever loved without condition. I know I screwed up more than enough times myself but he said some damaging things a while back that really hurt to hear. I know it was said in the heat of the moment and I told you already, he’s not vindictive. He has a good heart but it hurt hearing the words, all the same.”

“Are he and Maria together now?”

“No,” Alex sighed. “They ended things. Either she did or it was him or both, I don’t really know. But he showed up at my door the next day with flowers and I kind of just lost it. Turned him away.”

“But you want to be with him,” John reminded.

“Yeah, I do. I always have,” Alex smiled sadly. “But too much damage has happened between us. Too many words have been said, too many choices that can’t be taken back so easily. I know I screwed up a lot too but him choosing Maria like that? That one just about broke me.”

“Have you spoken to either of them since?”

“A couple times. Maria tried talking to me but it was stilted and awkward. We didn’t really say a lot. Michael, pretty much the same thing,” he sighed. “That’s what makes it hurt even more. I lost them both. She’s been a friend to me since childhood. I guess I should be a better person, just talk and get it over with, let us all move on. It just really hurts, that’s all.”

He stared through the window again, letting his eyes focus on the sunlight shining down.

“I want to be better,” he spoke honestly. “I want to be better for _me_. I’m just not sure how I can get there.”

“Talking about everything that’s happened will help,” John smiled. “But you need to be patient with yourself. There are a lot of feelings and memories you’re trying to work through. Just be patient. We’ll get there, Alex.”

“Patience,” Alex sighed. “Not another strong suit of mine.”

John’s smile widened as he rose to his feet. “I know you have to get going. Please make sure you stay in touch with me over there. Just a quick text to let me know you’re doing okay.”

Alex nodded and rubbed his eyes before walking towards the door. “I think I’ve talked enough to last me a lifetime. Definitely need Vegas now.”

“Try and enjoy yourself over there.”

“Me and Michael in Vegas? What could possibly go wrong?” Alex asked, shaking his head as he disappeared down the hallway.

  
********

Stepping through the final security check an hour later, Alex looked up to see Kyle waiting for him at the other end.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, walking towards Kyle with his carry on dragging behind him. “Is everyone here already? My session ran a bit over.”

“Don’t worry about it. Gate hasn’t even opened yet,” Kyle smiled. “How was it today?”

“It’s supposed to help, right?” Alex sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “We’re talking about things I’ve spent a lot of years swallowing down. It’s just a lot, I guess.”

“Best time for a vacation then, right?” Kyle asked, swinging his arm across Alex’s shoulders. “Take a break from all that heaviness.”

Alex nodded, letting Kyle lead them through the mass of people towards their gate. As they moved to the waiting area, he looked up and his eyes caught with Michael’s in an instant. They watched one another for a silent moment until Alex looked towards Liz, giving her a small smile and slipping into an empty chair with Kyle beside him.

Isobel glanced to her left to see Michael looking away, his nails digging in his thighs to keep his bitterness hidden. Turning to her right, she watched Max sulking on his own while Liz and Maria sat quietly a few rows ahead. Rolling her eyes at the childishness, she reached out and nudged Michael’s shoulder.

“Aren’t you going to say something to him?”

“He’s busy with Valenti,” Michael shrugged.  
  
“Michael,” she hissed. “Remember what we said about Kyle? That he was responsible for bringing Max back so we’re going to be nice to him from now on?”

“What he did for Max is completely separate,” he argued. “I’ll never be fully okay with him and Alex being such good buddies again. Not after everything he did back then.”

“Michael,” she chuckled. “Just go talk to him.”

Instead of answering, he sank further in his seat. Shaking her head at his reluctance, she turned and waved towards Max, watching him switch chairs to sit beside them.

“Why were you all the way over there?” she asked.

“Just wanted to be alone,” he shrugged, his gaze moving back to Liz who was deep in conversation with Maria.

“Max, I love you,” Isobel started. “You know that, right?”

“Of course,” he said, a genuine smile curving his lips.

“Then stop being an idiot and go talk to her,” she said, raising her chin towards Liz.

“I’m the one who died and she’s the one being distant,” Max argued.

“Seriously?” Michael joined the conversation, giving Max his driest look. “Did that argument sound as stupid in your head as it did in mine?”

“I’m sorry, do I see you talking to Alex Manes?” Max snapped back. “He’s over there, hanging with Kyle, laughing at his jokes while you’re over here being miserable. Pot calling kettle black, Michael.”

Narrowing his eyes, Michael sank back in his seat as Max did the same.

“You’re worse than children,” Isobel growled. “Both of you are idiots.”

Before either could argue, the gate agent began announcing their zones. Leaving them to sulk on their own, Isobel rose to her feet and tossed her golden locks behind her shoulders. Pushing her carry on, she made her way towards the line as the two men rolled their eyes and moved to follow.

“I need to do something,” Maria started, standing in line next to Liz.

Alex and Kyle were up ahead while the others were several people behind them. She stared between the two groups before turning to Liz again.

“This awkwardness is driving me crazy. I have to do something.”

“You could always talk to Alex. Just go to him under the white flag of friendship and appeal to the goodness inside him. Worst thing that can happen is he’ll cuss you out and slam the door in your face,” she suggested and quickly apologized at the horrified look on Maria's face. "I was kidding! You know Alex. He’d never do that.”

Maria seemed unconvinced as she looked away.

“Do you still have feelings for Michael?” Liz asked quietly.

“Honestly?” Maria sighed. “Maybe a little. But the distance helped. It’s more like a dull ache now than total heartbreak. Plus, it’s more about me being upset at the whole situation versus missing him or wishing things had worked out differently between us. I really am okay.”

“I’m glad,” Liz nodded as they moved forward a few steps. “You have to talk to Alex, though. Maybe if you stay away a bit longer, he’ll be the one who’ll cave and come to you but I think you should be the one who takes that first step.”

“I know,” Maria sighed. “I know and I will. This trip, for better or worse, was actually a really good idea. I’ll give Isobel that much.”

Liz smiled warmly as they moved towards the front desk.

“You and Max?” Maria asked, holding her boarding pass out to the agent.

Once both of their passes had been scanned, they started making their way through the tunnel towards the plane.

“I don’t know. We haven’t really talked,” Liz replied quietly. “But like you said, I think this trip was a good idea too.”

Linking their arms together, they smiled at the cabin crew and moved down the aisle, passing Alex and Kyle at the two seats on the left before finding their own a few rows further back. Following Isobel and Max onto the plane, Michael avoided everyone as they passed by, taking their seats in a row of three between their friends. Once the rest of the passengers had settled, the cabin crew completed the safety demonstrations.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking, Welcome to American Airlines flight 2978 to Las Vegas,” the pilot’s voice came through the speakers. “The weather ahead is good so we should have a smooth flight straight to Nevada. Please sit back and relax while we begin our ascent. Cabin crew, please prepare for gate departure.”

Making sure his seatbelt was tightened, Kyle relaxed and turned towards Alex. “You planning on letting yourself have a good time?”

“What are you talking about?” Alex frowned. “I know how to have fun.”

He watched as Kyle smiled before rolling his eyes.

“It’s Vegas. I’m sure even a stick in the mud like me can have a good time.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kyle spoke quietly as the plane began reversing from the gate. “A lot happened the past few months. I just want you to relax a bit, let go of everything.”

“Don’t think that’s in my nature anymore,” Alex shrugged. “Military conditioned me to always have my guard up. Life has kind of done the same."

Kyle watched him for several moments, his expression thoughtful.

“I meant to ask you something,” he started, waiting until the plane had settled in the air before continuing. “Have you talked about me in your sessions?”

Alex glanced over with his brows raised and slowly shook his head. “I’m not giving you any details.”

“I’m not asking for that,” Kyle quickly placated. “I was with Rosa having lunch and we were talking, getting to know one another. It was nice. As messed up as everything is, having a sister feels really good.”

Looking up, he smiled at the soft look on Alex’s face. 

“We talked about back then a lot and she said she was surprised about who I seemed to be these days. She hated me back when we were in high school and I was dating Liz. She hated my attitude, my cockiness. If she had found out we were siblings back then, it would have been different. Getting to know me now, she’s okay with it despite how it all happened.”

“That’s good,” Alex smiled. “I’m glad you two are starting to become close.”

“Yeah, me too,” Kyle nodded. “But it just reminded me of what a jerk I was back then, pretty much to everyone. Especially you.”

Their eyes met and Alex sighed. “Kyle, you and I have talked through this already. You know I forgive you.”

“I know and I’m grateful for it but that doesn’t really mean I forgive myself.”

“Kyle,” Alex started but his friend held his hand up to stop him.

“Just let me get this out,” he pleaded, swallowing the thickness in his throat. “You meant a lot to me when we were kids growing up. But who we are now? I care about you, Alex. Even more than I did back then.”

Alex smiled gently, reaching out to touch Kyle’s arm. “You mean a lot to me too. You know I’m glad we repaired things between us.”

“I know. So am I,” Kyle smiled. “But I feel like I need to do more than apologize. I really screwed things up back in high school. I was terrible to you. Sometimes I can’t believe that was actually me.”

“Look, none of us are perfect,” Alex comforted. “We’ve all made mistakes, done things we regret, thing’s we’re not proud of. Just look at me as example.”

“Stop that,” Kyle shook his head, the firmness in his voice giving Alex pause. “I hate your Dad for a lot of personal reasons, things he’s done to me, my family. But I also hate him for everything he’s done to you.”

“Kyle, we really don’t need to talk about this.”

“You’re my best friend,” Kyle cut him off. “Having you back in my life means more to me than I thought it would and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I’m sorry for every mean word I ever said, for making you think you weren’t good enough to be my friend. I’m sorry for making you think being gay meant you were less, that you were wrong. I’m so sorry, Alex.”

Taking a deep breath, Alex tilted in his chair to fully face him.

“You have to stop apologizing,” he started. “Thank you for telling me this. It feels good hearing it but I forgive you, Kyle. Our friendship, what we have now, we can’t keep going backwards to the past. We settled our differences.”

Kyle nodded, smiling gratefully as he threw his arm around Alex’s shoulders and pulled the soldier towards him.

“Think maybe that’s some advice you can take for yourself?”

They leaned back in their seats and Kyle laughed at the confused look Alex was giving.

“You and Guerin,” he smiled. “Don’t you think that’s good advice for the two of you? Not going back to the past all the time? Finding a way to forgive him? Moving forward together?”

“That’s different,” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Different because you love him?”

Alex sighed but his silence gave him away.

“Is there a way for you guys to get past everything?” Kyle asked. “I’m all sentimental from my talk with Rosa today so I’m asking.”

“There’s a lot of pain between us,” Alex spoke quietly.

“But he and Maria ended things,” Kyle reminded. “I think you guys can have your chance.”

“Sometimes it’s better to just let things end,” Alex smiled sadly. “I’m just starting to get my own head on straight. Trying to make sense of everything, talking to John. I can't go back there.”

Kyle sighed but nodded, looking up as the Flight Attendant stopped beside them. Sitting a few rows back, Isobel glanced from one side to the other, seated between her brooding brothers.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Both spun around to face her, reaching out with a worry that made her smile.

“No, you dummies,” she rolled her eyes. “I meant the two of you being all miserable and quiet.”

“Isobel,” Max grumbled. “Will you leave it alone?”

“If I don’t meddle, you and Liz will just keep giving each other the silent treatment,” she exclaimed before turning to Michael. “Don’t even get me started on you and Alex.”

“Max is the one being an idiot,” Michael pointed, ignoring the glare his brother sent him. “His issues with Liz? Granted, there’s a bunch of them but it’s completely different from me and Alex.”

“I know that,” Isobel sighed, rolling her eyes again at the shocked sound Max had made. “But you sitting here, stewing in your jealousy because Alex is sitting with Kyle isn’t going to help you get any brownie points with your favorite Captain.”

“I know,” Michael growled. “I’ll think of something when we get to Vegas.”

She watched as Michael sank in his seat, looking to the opposite direction while Max crossed his arms and stared forward. Letting her head fall backwards, Isobel swallowed her screams of frustration and stayed silent for the rest of the flight. When the announcement came that only twenty minutes remained, a sudden thought made Isobel’s irritation melt away.

“Michael, will you come with me?”

He glanced over and frowned, trying to read through her innocent expression. “Where?”

“The bathroom doors always stick. Will you come open it for me?”

Hesitating for another moment, he finally nodded and rose from his seat, following Isobel up the aisle towards the bathrooms. Opening the door, he held it open with a waving gesture, smirking at her glare. Pressing his back against the opposite wall, he glanced down the aisle and froze when his eyes picked out Alex already watching him. The soldier’s eyes widened from being caught and he quickly looked down but Michael felt a warmth settle inside him.

“Come on,” Isobel smiled, breaking him from his trance.

Taking his hand, she dragged him behind her down the aisle, her smile growing wicked when she saw that Kyle’s seatbelt was open. Reaching down, she grabbed Kyle at his arm and yanked him with a sudden strength, pushing the surprised Doctor to the side before shoving Michael into the empty chair he had vacated.

“What the hell?” Kyle grumbled, stumbling forward as Isobel forced him towards Michael’s seat.

“The lovebirds need to talk,” she shrugged.

Alex met Michael’s surprised eyes, seeing the worry etched inside them. A part of him wanted to force Michael away but the anxious gaze made Alex swallow his protests and accept the seating arrangements.

“Your sister’s not very subtle, is she?”

“Not really,” Michael shrugged, laughing through the awkwardness. “I can switch back if you want.”

“Just a few more minutes before we land. I’m sure we can manage,” he sighed, settling back in his chair.

With Alex staring through his window, Michael kept his gaze on the other man, oblivious to the passengers around them.

“So,” he started. “The weather’s starting to get a bit chilly.”

Alex turned back to face him before cracking a smile. “You want to talk about the weather?”

“Seems like the safest conversation to start with,” Michael grinned.

“Alright, Guerin,” Alex chuckled. “I guess it means we’ll have an early winter this year.”

They stared at one other for a wordless moment before Michael’s grin widened. “We never were that great at small talk, were we?”

Alex snorted but made no other comment.

“Well, we’re stuck beside each other now. No more running, Alex.”

“I wasn’t running anymore.”

The sudden change in tone made Michael falter. Wanting to ease their conversation away from any heaviness, he managed a small smile and nudged Alex on his shoulder.

“How about we play twenty questions?” he suggested and the dry look on Alex’s face made him laugh. “Come on, Private. You said we didn’t know each other that well. Now’s the chance to prove it.”

When Alex squared his shoulders and narrowed his eyes from the challenge, Michael knew he had him.

“I’ll start. Favorite color,” Michael smiled. “That’s easy. Yours is black.”

“Like my tarnished soul?” Alex asked.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Michael quickly leaned in but the answering laugh made him move back.

“It was a joke, Guerin,” Alex smiled. “Yours is brown.”

“What makes you think that?” Michael asked, licking his dry lips.

Alex slowly raised his gaze and Michael found himself staring into deep, soulful eyes that had haunted him for over a decade. They smiled at one another from the unspoken words until Alex cleared his throat.

“My favorite time of the day?”

“Daybreak,” Michael replied. “Right when you wake up, when the world around you is still quiet.”

“How’d you guess?” Alex asked, blinking slowly.

“That morning you slept over at my trailer, before Isobel showed up. You looked so peaceful,” Michael spoke quietly. “It was like all the pain and worry you always carried wasn’t touching you in that moment. All your walls were gone.”

Alex stared at him for another second before dragging his gaze away, the breath heavy from his chest.

“Yours is at night,” he spoke after a moment. “Right before you fall asleep, curled up in bed, you have this sweet smile that settles on your face. Like all your problems can be pushed to the next day.”

Their eyes met and held for even longer, neither able to break the trance.

“Favorite song?” Alex asked, wanting to cut through the sudden tension. “Which was the one about the alien who wanted to fit in?”

“Private, you disappoint me,” Michael flirted, his smile peeking through. “Some campy UFO song. Is that what you really think?”

“No,” he chuckled. “First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes.”

Michael looked taken aback, watching Alex with a stunned expression.

“It was playing at the Emporium when we kissed that first time,” Alex spoke quietly.

Michael blinked through his surprise before nodding. “You just assume it’s my favorite? From all the songs out there?”

“It’s my favorite too.”

Taking a deep breath, Michael let a pleased smile settle on his face. “Damn, Private, Guess we do have something in common.”

“Why don’t you ever call me Captain?” Alex asked instead. “If you insist on a nickname, at least call me by my actual rank.”

“Why don’t you ever call me Michael?”

The question took Alex by surprise and he quickly lowered his gaze. Neither noticed the Flight Attendant announcing their arrival, too caught up in the moment to see the world around them.

“Look at me,” Michael whispered. “Alex, look at me.”

His breath trembled as he let his eyes drag towards Michael’s again. Their gaze lingered for several tense seconds until the sudden jolt from touching ground made them jump back to the present. The plane sped down the runway, reducing its speed as it pulled across the final stretch. Needing a distraction, Alex reached for his phone when permission was given. Before Michael could end the silence, Alex felt a vibration and scrolled to his messages.

_Have a great time but stay in touch from over there._

Michael glanced over without thinking, reading the message and then the name at the top of the screen. Feeling a twist in his gut, he moved backwards a few inches, his sudden hurt morphing into bitterness.

“Same guy as last week,” he spat, the change in his voice making Alex look up. “John? Isn’t that the guy you’ve been seeing?”

“Guerin, what?” Alex asked, his confusion obvious.

“I guess I know why you can’t even spare me five minutes. Spending all your time with your new boyfriend?”

The muddle in Alex’s eyes disappeared and anger filled the void. “Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack, Private,” he spat the words. “Was he the same guy I saw when I showed up outside your cabin?”

“You should really stop,” Alex warned him, unbuckling his belt and moving into the aisle to grab his luggage.

“Isn’t he the guy who’s done wonders with you so far?” Michael mocked, grabbing his own bag and moving to stand behind him.

“You have got a lot of nerve,” Alex chuckled, his disbelief bleeding through the words. “What gives you the right to ask me anything about my private life?”

Michael’s smirk was bitter as he took a step back, both oblivious to the passengers watching their heated exchange.

“Guess you’re right,” he nodded. “Maybe I was wrong about something else, too. Maybe I was too quick to end things with Maria. Do you think I should try and give that another go? Maybe she's forgiven me?”

The sudden hurt he saw made Michael’s anger vanish as quickly as it came, regret taking over in its place.

“You’re an asshole,” Alex spat, turning around and following the crowd towards the exit.

Watching him go without argument, Michael fell heavily into his seat, letting the other passengers move past his row. With his eyes squeezed shut, he missed the glare Maria tossed him as she and Liz disappeared with the crowd. Hearing a loud sigh, he snapped his eyes back open to see Isobel watching him with pity.

“That was horrible, Michael,” she groaned, grabbing his arm and yanking him to his feet.

He glanced around to see they were the only passengers left, the cabin crew waiting politely for them to make their exit.

“Do you just have a self-destruct default setting or something?” she asked, shaking her head when he made no effort to answer.

Leaving his side muttering about lost causes, Isobel stormed towards the exit as he slowly followed.

“His boyfriend messaged him and I lost it,” he finally said when they walked through the tunnel side by side. “I can’t exactly make things work with him when he has someone new in his life.”

“You know that for sure? You absolutely know that whoever texted him is his boyfriend? Has Alex come out and said those exact words to you?” she asked.

“No but he didn’t exactly correct me either,” Michael sighed.

“Maybe because you’re acting like a jerk!” she exclaimed. “Honestly, Michael, I may not know Alex all that well but this petty jealousy act you have going doesn’t seem like it will work with him. Whoever that guy is, boyfriend or one night stand, casual fling or friend, you have no room for judgement.”

“So what do you suggest?” he asked tiredly.

“Well for one, stop acting like a jealous ex-boyfriend.”

“Isobel, that’s what I am!”

“Well, stop acting that way!” she rolled her eyes. “The problems the two of you have and whatever love exists between you is much deeper than this nonsense. Just stop acting like a jerk. It’ll do wonders in repairing things between you. Trust me on that.”

She pat his shoulder and began moving towards the others. Michael let his eyes find Alex through the crowd of people separating them. They stared at one another for several beats, anger, disappointment and regret fueling their gaze. When Alex finally broke the spell and looked away, Michael let the sadness he felt settle before making his way towards them.


	7. SEVEN

*****

Climbing out of the cab, Alex let his eyes take in the luxurious structure before him, glistened with lights overhead. Glancing to his left, he took a step forward and gazed over the archway where tourists were gathered taking photos of the beauty around them.

“Damn,” Maria’s voice cut through his thoughts as he turned back towards the others. “I knew The Venetian was supposed to be amazing but this is really something else.”

“Aren’t you all grateful that I planned this whole thing?” Isobel smirked, spreading her arms wide as the driver pulled the last of their luggage from the trunk of the van.

With a toss of her hair behind her shoulder, she took charge and led them forward, her designer suitcase rolling perfectly by her side. As they made their way through the valet and past the main doors, Alex watched as Liz and Maria’s bewildered eyes took in the golden designs.

“We can afford this?” Liz chuckled, linking her arm with Maria’s as they followed Isobel towards the front desk.

Falling into step behind them, Alex walked in silence, feeling the weight of Michael’s gaze on him from behind.

“Welcome to the Venetian,” the desk agent smiled brightly. “Are you checking in?”

Isobel pulled the papers from her purse and smiled as she slid them towards the younger woman. “Reservations under Isobel Evans.”

The agent typed in her computer before quickly glancing up. “I’m so sorry but the two suites you requested, one of them is unavailable. We still have the three bedroom, but instead of the 4 bed suite, we can give you two individual rooms, two beds each.”

“We’ll take it,” Kyle shrugged, throwing his arm around Alex’s shoulders. “Manes and I could use some close, personal time together.”

“You make a really cute couple,” the agent smiled sweetly.

“They’re not a couple!” Michael grumbled and quickly looked away when all eyes landed on him.

“Alright, we just need your passport on file,” the agent directed towards Isobel before handing three sets of room keys. “We have you all on the thirtieth floor overlooking The Strip. The elevators to the accommodations are just down the hallway on our left. Make another left, past the restaurant and you’ll be good to go. Have a great stay!”

They gave her a small wave and made their way towards the elevators. Climbing out on the thirtieth floor, Alex grabbed the key to one of the new rooms and burst inside his suite, a laughing Kyle strolling in behind him.

“Well, this trip is off to a great start,” Isobel said, tossing Michael a quick glare. “Come on, Ladies! We’re in here.”

Leaning his back against the wall, Michael watched as the three women disappeared into their own suite, leaving him and Max alone in the hallway. Rolling his eyes at his brother’s offended look, Michael grabbed his key card and walked inside their room, tossing his bag on the furthest bed from the door. Tuning out Max and his many complaints, he fell over on the covers and took a deep breath.

“Do you think I should let it go?” Alex asked, falling back on his own mattress and staring up at Kyle. “Guerin was acting like an asshole earlier. Should I just let it go?”

“Jealousy doesn’t look too good on him,” Kyle smirked as he fell down next to Alex on the bed.

“Come on, I’m being serious,” Alex nudged his shoulder.

“Honestly, you have a lot of reasons to be pissed at him and he keeps digging his hole even deeper,” Kyle shook his head. “But the way I see it, you have three options. One, you can stick to what you’ve been saying, that you guys are done and keep avoiding him for the rest of the trip.”

“That sounds exhausting,” Alex said as he rubbed his temple.

“Option number two, let everything go. All the pain, anger and resentment, let it all go and get back together with him.”

“Are we just avoiding reality altogether?” Alex glared.

“Or,” Kyle chuckled, “go with option three. Try doing what you talked about before, being friends with him. Obviously what the two of you were doing all these years wasn’t working. Just made you both angrier at one another, making mistakes, hurting each other. So try being friends. Start small, maybe being in the same room as one another without jumping down each other’s throats and I mean that both in a happy and not so happy way.”

Alex punched his arm and Kyle rolled over towards him with a laugh.

“All I’m saying is give it a chance,” he said, reaching out to pat Alex on his shoulder. “Crazier things have happened, Manes. This is Vegas after all.”

The sound of a knock pulled them from the conversation and Kyle rolled to his feet and walked over, pulling the door wide open. When Maria poked her head through, Alex slowly sat up on his mattress, watching her take quiet steps towards him.

“Hi,” she started, clearing her throat.

“I need to take a shower,” Kyle pointed behind him.

Grabbing a change of clothes, he disappeared down the hall, the bathroom door slamming shut behind him.

“Is everything okay?” Alex finally asked after several beats of silence.

“Okay?” she repeated, laughing without humor. “What does that even mean?”

“Maria,” he started, climbing to his feet.

Before he could get another word out, she fell forward towards his chest, her arms wrapping tight around his shoulders as she cried against him. Frozen by the sudden embrace, Alex hesitated for a moment before his arms finally slid upwards to circle around her waist. Feeling him reciprocate the hold made Maria cry even harder, the broken sobs making Alex rub her back out of habit.

“Come on, stop that,” he whispered, pulling her towards his mattress and easing her down on the bed. “Maria, please stop crying.”

“How can I?” she started, pulling away to meet his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I know I ruined everything.”

“Maria,” he repeated, reaching onto the nightstand and offering her a tissue. “We don’t have to do this.”

“Yeah, Alex, we do,” she replied, dabbing the tissue at her eyes. “I don’t even know where to start. I should have come to you earlier than this but I was scared, angry at myself. I hurt you.”

He looked off to the side with a gentle sigh, his silence confirming her words.

“I hurt you a lot and I don’t know how to fix it. Alex, tell me how to fix this,” she pleaded. “I didn’t know in Texas when I slept with him. I never would have if I did. I hope you can believe me when I say that. But I knew after. I knew what he meant to you and I pursued it anyway.”

Keeping his gaze focused on the empty space before him, Alex reached up to run his hand through his hair, unable to form the words she needed to hear.

“I broke us, didn’t I?” she whispered.

Taking a deep breath, he finally twisted on the bed to face her. “I’ll get over it.”

“But we’ll never be that close again, not the way we were,” she smiled, the knowing sadness shining in her eyes.

“Never is too big a word,” he shrugged. “You’re family to me, you always have been. Just give it some time. We’ll get there.”

“Do you believe me when I say I’m sorry? That I regret what I did? That I hate how much I hurt you?”

“We’ll get there,” he repeated. “Look, I’m not blameless. I know I hurt him too before all of this but him and me, it’s always been a recipe for disaster. Every time we came together, it nearly destroyed us.”

“The two of you are meant for each other,” she cut in and the look he gave her made Maria quickly shake her head. “No, listen to me. I know I’m not your favorite person right now but when things between Guerin and me ended, I took a long, hard look at everything and the distance really helped put things into perspective.”

He looked away but stayed silent as she spoke.

“For someone so in tune with emotions, I’m amazed at myself for never picking up on the world of feelings between the two of you,” she said, shaking her head at herself. “But I need you to hear me, Alex. You and Michael belong together.”

“Maria,” he started, climbing to his feet and immediately reaching down to grab his leg, rubbing the soreness away. “There is no me and Guerin, not anymore. For a lot of reasons, one of them being him and you. Our history is beyond complicated and I can’t go there again. I just can’t.”

“But Alex…”

“No, I’m asking you to stop,” he held his hand up between them. “Look, thank you for saying what you did. Despite everything that happened, I still love you, Maria. You’re my sister, my family. That’s never going to change.”

Her lips began to quiver as she took a trembling breath, doing her best to hold her tears at bay.

“I love you,” he repeated, his voice growing soft. “But I don’t think I can forgive you right now. I don’t think I can forgive him and that’s not me trying to paint myself as a helpless victim in all this because I’m not.”

He took a step towards her and reached out to hold her hands.

“But I’m trying to make sense of my past, of what I went through with my Father, what happened at war and right now, that’s something I need to do. I’m trying to forgive myself for a lot of things and I think that needs to happen before I can make peace with everything else.”

She watched him for a moment, her tears frozen on her cheeks, before she squeezed her hands against his. “Are you going to therapy?”

Alex released a heavy sigh and finally nodded. “Only Kyle knows but yeah, I am.”

“That’s really great, Alex,” she said, her words and smile genuine. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop,” he said, waiting until her eyes had met his before he continued. “We came here on vacation so _all_ of us could get away so let’s just be here.”

“But you’ll forgive me one day?” she asked, her lips curving downwards. “We’ll have what we did before?”

“We’ll get there,” he repeated. “I don’t want you being sad or crying or hurting, alright? That’s not what I want.”

She smiled and quickly kissed his cheek before leaving the room. Once the door was shut behind her, Alex fell back on his bed again, closing his eyes and rubbing the exhaustion from his face.

“So,” Kyle’s voice cut through his thoughts.

Looking up, he rolled his eyes at Kyle watching him from the foot of the bed, standing half naked with a white towel wrapped around his hips.

“What?” Kyle smirked. “I know I look good.”

“Any reason your naked torso is on display?” Alex chuckled.

“Please, you know I look good too,” Kyle’s smile widened and he missed the dark look that passed through his friend’s eyes. “So that conversation finally happened. How do you feel about it?”

“She apologized,” Alex sighed. “I hate not talking to her, not being close.”

“Do you forgive her then?” Kyle asked, moving towards his carry on to grab his deodorant.

“Ask me again tomorrow,” Alex muttered, grabbing a change of clothes and locking himself in the bathroom.

The air inside was thick from Kyle’s shower, leaving a sheet of perspiration. Twisting the knobs, he stood back and wiped the moisture from the mirror, staring at his own image. The exhaustion on his face was clear, a permanent sadness filling his eyes in a way that Alex had always hated. Turning away from his reflection, he stripped out of his clothes and stepped under the shower, letting the scorching hot water rip away the emotions building inside him.  


********  


“There you are!” Isobel waved, drawing Alex’s attention as he and Kyle made their way towards the rest of the group. “Damn, you boys are looking good.”

Alex glanced down at his black skinny jeans and navy dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows, taking a moment to frown at his own appearance before looking back up. His eyes met Michael’s for the first time in hours and they stood with a yard of space between them, locked on each other’s gaze.

“Sound good?” Isobel ended and Alex quickly glanced back in her direction just in time to see her roll her eyes. “I said I found this really great club for us to go to. Everyone game?”

“I’m not really in a clubbing mood,” Max grumbled.

“Well suck it up, buttercup,” Isobel grinned. “We’re going.”

Lifting her chin, she made her way towards the hotel doors, her heels clanking as she went. The rest of the group remained quiet as they followed her into the nearest taxi van. Giving the driver directions, Isobel glanced back from the passenger seat and growled.

“Honestly, it’s like I'm dragging you all to your executions,” she exclaimed. “We’re here, all of us, together in Vegas. Cheer up!”

Spinning back around, she drew the driver into conversation as Alex chuckled under his breath at her annoyance. Glancing to his left, he watched Kyle giving him a wide grin before he looked to his right to see Michael watching him, lower lip bit between his teeth. Alex felt his gaze draw down to the hint of tongue, unaware, before the sudden honk dragged him out of his daze. When the driver finally pulled aside and pointed to a noisy building behind them, Isobel gave the older man a quick wink as she paid.

“Why do you keep paying for everything?” Alex asked, sidling up beside her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll chase you all down for your portions when we get back to Roswell,” she smiled, patting his shoulder and turning around.

The bouncers stood at the entrance, a long line curling around the building and down the road beside them.

“This will take forever,” Max grumbled. “Why do we have to be at a club anyway? Can’t we go grab some food instead?”

“Max!” Isobel started, whirling around to her brother. “I know you were dead and now you’re alive and you have a lot of mixed emotions about all that. So do I, more than I can admit.”

His gaze softened but she blocked him from taking her hand.

“But stop being such a downer,” she cut him off. “We’re here in Vegas to have fun so get with the program.”

“Hey, I’m all about having fun right now but that line really does suck,” Kyle interrupted the sudden standoff.

“Leave that to me,” Isobel smiled, twirling back around and making her way towards the lead bouncer.

“Back of the line,” the man grumbled without looking up.

“You’re going to let us in,” Isobel smiled, waiting until the burly man had met her eyes before narrowing her own and focusing her mind. “We’re guests on the list and you’re going to let us in.”

“You’re guests on the list. Go on in,” the man nodded, puling back the ropes and motioning them inside.

“Damn, that’s useful!” Kyle grinned as he walked through the front doors and pulled Alex behind him.

Stopping just inside the entrance, Alex glanced around himself at the colourful lights bouncing off the walls. The sides were filled with booths, not a seat untaken. A bar filled the room at the very end with the DJ playing music on the small stage, clubbers dancing in the open space.

“Dance first and then alcohol,” Maria announced, grabbing Liz and Isobel and leading them towards the crowd.

When Kyle nudged his side, Alex glanced over to see two blondes smiling towards his friend. Laughing at the way Kyle styled his hair backwards, Alex gave him a pat of encouragement and watched him disappear towards the booths on the left.

“You planning on dancing?” Michael asked, capturing his attention.

“Drink first,” Alex replied, letting his eyes settle on the bar straight ahead. “Lots and lots of drinks.”

Without waiting for a reply, he edged his way through the crowded club and took the only empty spot left at the counter. Watching the bartender fill a set of drinks at the other end, Alex felt an arm slip around his back and turned to see a man in his early thirties sliding up beside him, toothy grin on full display.

“Haven’t seen you around here before,” the man started.

“It’s Vegas. Isn’t everyone a tourist?” Alex replied, looking past him to signal the bartender who had his back turned towards them.

The stranger’s obnoxious laugh left Alex agitated but he swallowed his annoyance and kept his gaze locked forward.

“I saw you walk in with your friends and I thought you were the hottest thing I’d ever seen,” the man continued, leaning down.

“Look, I’m not interested so back off.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here. I bet I can make you feel good,” the man pressed even closer.

As Alex whirled around to push him away, the bartender sprang forward and grabbed the man’s hand, twisting it over the counter.

“He said he’s not interested so back off,” the barman growled, ignoring the yelp and pulling the arm even tighter before releasing the limb.

“Thanks,” Alex chuckled once the man had disappeared. “Could have handled it myself but thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the bartender smiled. “What’s your poison?”

“Just a beer for now,” Alex nodded, giving a grateful smile when the man pushed the bottle towards him. “This place always so loud?”

“Hippest club in town,” the bartender laughed over the roaring music. “You here on vacation?”

“With my friends,” Alex pointed behind him. “You in the habit of rescuing all your customers?”

“Maybe,” the bartender smiled. “Especially from guys like that douchebag.”

Alex chuckled and took a sip of his beer. “That’s alright. One look at my leg and the guy would have bailed anyway.”

Realizing what he had said, he blushed and looked away. When nothing but silence responded, he looked up to see the bartender watching him with a thoughtful expression.

“Prosthetic?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “How’d you guess?”

“Takes one to know one,” the man shrugged. “As a soldier, anyway. You Army?”

“Air Force.”

“Ranger,” the bartender pointed at himself, pulling out his dog tags from under his shirt. “I’m Matt.”

“Alex,” he replied, smiling kindly. “How’d you end up here?”

“When I retired from the Army a couple years ago, a friend of mine told me Vegas was where all the action was so I packed up what little belongings I had and moved out here. Been regretting it ever since.”

Alex laughed gently and took another sip. “I’m from Roswell.”

“Land of the UFO’s. Can’t imagine that being a great town to grow up in.”

“Not when you’re the one that feels like the alien,” Alex sighed and gave a quick smile in apology. “Were you stationed overseas?”

“Yeah, in Kuwait first and then Iraq for a tour,” Matt said, filling the next set of drinks for the crowd in front. “What about you?”

“Stationed in Iraq. Did a few tours over there. Transferred back home when I got injured,” Alex replied, finishing the rest of his beer.

Matt left the crowd and leaned down on his elbows, smiling at Alex in a way that left him on edge. “You have another admirer.”

“Let me guess. Curly hair, white shirt, black leather jacket, complete with angry cowboy swagger?” Alex asked and Matt chuckled at his description.

“That’s the one,” Matt nodded. “You here with him?”

“Ex-boyfriend,” Alex sighed. “Honestly, I don’t even think we ever dated.”

Another customer cut through the conversation and Alex waited until the girl had walked away before Matt pushed a second beer towards him.

“We have a long history, him and me. Lots of heartache.”

Matt watched him take a sip before leaning down across the bar. “You planning on getting back together with him?”

“I don’t know,” Alex replied, surprised by the sudden question. “Why?”

“Just figured I’d throw my hat in the ring,” Matt shrugged as he leaned back.

When Alex stared with nothing but confusion, the bartender pulled his head back and laughed.

“Sex,” he corrected, the word making Alex choke on his mouthful of beer. “You’re really nice to look at and you seem like a nice guy too. If you’re looking for a good time, a way to blow off some steam without any strings, I’m offering.”

“What?” Alex startled, the answering laugh drawing him out of his confusion.

“Look, I get off at two in the morning,” Matt said, his smile lingering. “If you’re interested, come back here before my shift ends. If not, don’t worry about it.”

He gave a quick wink and strolled to the other end of the bar as Alex watched him go. Turning around on his stool, he finished his second beer and made his way back towards the dance floor just as Kyle rushed to his side.

“Did I see you flirting at the bar with McHottie, the bartender?” Kyle asked, his grin wide in the flashing lights.

“I wasn’t flirting,” Alex muttered. “He was flirting with me.”

“Dude’s good looking,” Kyle shrugged, glancing back towards the bar. “Maybe it’ll do you some good, working through all that anger and aggression.”

“I’m about to work through my aggression in another way,” Alex growled and Kyle laughed as he held his hands up in surrender. “Where did your blonde friends go?”

“One had a boyfriend who showed up,” Kyle shivered. “But the other one is really cute. She’s a teacher down in San Diego. Came here with her friends to get through a bad breakup.”

“Let me guess. You’re gonna help her through that tough period?” Alex rolled his eyes.

“She’s actually really sweet,” Kyle defended. “Her parents own a horse ranch up in Montana.”

Alex smiled as he grabbed Kyle’s shoulders and pushed him away. Giving a large thumbs up, Kyle disappeared through the crowd as Alex turned his attention back towards the dancers. His gaze dimmed as he thought over Matt’s offer, a way to blow off steam without any emotions. As much as he wanted the idea to appeal to him, the thought of sleeping with someone at random left him feeling empty. He could count on one hand the number of lovers he had over the years but with each one, some sort of connection had been built beforehand. But as good as the sex had been, none had ever held a candle to what he and Michael had shared.

“Hey Private.”

Whirling around, Alex met Michael’s eyes and froze. They stood a breath away from one another, locked in a gaze neither could break.

“Can we talk?” Michael finally asked.

Taking a breath to settle his nerves, Alex pointed towards the wall at the other end of the club, away from the loud music. Turning around when he could finally hear his own thoughts again, Alex swallowed and watched as Michael took a nervous breath.

“I’m sorry,” Michael finally started. “I keep acting like a jerk around you and you don’t deserve that. Everything that comes out of my mouth when I’m around you is wrong. I don’t want to make you angrier than you already are or make you hate me more than you already do.”

“I don’t hate you, Guerin,” Alex cut in, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, you do. At least, a part of you does and I deserve that,” Michael spoke quietly. “I keep saying the wrong things and I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“Guerin, I’m not blameless,” Alex started, feeling a deep need to comfort the man standing before him. “Our past is complicated. We’ve both made mistakes at different times, in different ways.”

Michael’s smile saddened as he reached forward to straighten the front of Alex’s shirt.

“I want you in my life. I _need_ you in it,” he sighed. “I think you know where and how but I get if you can’t do that. If that’s not what you want, I’ll accept it. But this distance between us? I can’t take much more of that.”

He shrugged and moved half a step closer, his fingers moving down Alex’s shirt until his hand finally pulled away.

“You said we can be friends. Can we try that?”

Alex took a breath as Kyle’s words from before came crashing back.

“I can’t go another decade not seeing you,” Michael chuckled, his eyes shining as the lights flashed down over them.

“I don’t want that either,” Alex said before his mind could catch up to his mouth and stop him.

“Can we do that? Can we start over?”

The hopeful look in his eyes broke Alex into pieces. Biting his lip at the fluttering in his stomach, he slowly nodded, hiding his smile at the wide grin that resulted.

“Fresh start, Private?” Michael asked, needing a confirmation.

Instead of taking the offered hand, Alex closed that final inch of space and pulled Michael against him. He felt the shock in the other man before Michael quickly wrapped his arms around him. Pressed close together, their faces drawn in, hearts beating as one, Alex felt a comfort he hadn’t felt in ages. Not wanting to end the closeness, he turned his face inward and let his lips trail over Michael’s neck. When Michael took a sharp breath and held on even tighter, Alex caught himself and stepped away.

“We can do that,” he nodded, ignoring the pounding of his heart as he looked up with a nervous smile. “We can do that.”

“Great,” Michael chuckled, running a hand through his messy curls. “Guess I should start by sucking it up and telling you I’m sorry for being all pissy about your new boyfriend.”

“Who?” Alex asked, forgetting their earlier argument.

“John,” Michael spat the word before quickly reigning in his resentment.

“Jesus, Guerin, he’s not my boyfriend,” Alex rolled his eyes.

“But you made me think…”

“I was pissed at you. I _still_ am!”

“So who the hell is he then?” Michael frowned.

Alex took a breath before shaking his head. “No one you need to know about right now.”

Michael watched him for a moment and changed his footing. “What about the guy when I came to the cabin? Wasn’t that this John guy?”

Taking a moment to sort through his memories, Alex let his back fall against the wall as laughter bubbled from his chest. “That wasn’t John.”

“That guy was your boyfriend then?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend!” Alex exclaimed and the sudden smile that spread across Michael’s face made his head spin.

“So that was just a random one night stand?”

“That was my _brother_,” Alex sighed, no longer caring what he said. “Kyle and I went out for drinks to celebrate the end of my enlistment and my idiot brother showed up. We talked, we drank, we fought and he passed out at the cabin. Woke up just before you showed up that day.”

“So you didn’t have a one night stand and you don’t have a boyfriend?” Michael said before another grin filled his face. “Damn, Private. My night’s looking a whole lot better all of a sudden.”

“Listen, Guerin,” Alex started, straightening on his legs as he pressed his finger against Michael’s chest. “I can have a one night stand if I want. I can have a boyfriend if I want. That is none of your business.”

“Keep talking like that, Private. All angry and irritated. Makes me feel a lot of things,” Michael flirted, looking up from under his lashes.

Alex took a shaky breath, their mouths inching dangerously close before he pulled out of the trance and backed away.

“Friends, Guerin!” he reminded, the space giving him the chance to clear his head. “All cards on the table, the bartender asked me to meet up with him tonight after his shift.”

Michael’s eyes quickly darted towards the bar and the sudden rattling of the bottles and glasses made Matt and the other bartender jump backwards. Leaping forward, Alex grabbed Michael’s hands and whirled him back around.

“What are you doing? Stop that!”

Blinking through the anger that had risen inside him, Michael looked down at their tangled hands. “Not very good at hiding how I feel about all that, am I?”

“I swear to God, Michael, you drive me insane!” Alex growled, letting his hands drop away. “If we’re going to try being friends, you can’t react like this any time someone flirts with me or makes a move. We’re not together, remember? I played my part in that but you sure as hell played yours.”

Seeing the softness gazing back at him, Alex took a small step backwards.

“What?” he frowned.

“You called me Michael.”

Suddenly realizing what he had said, Alex swallowed his nerves and changed his footing, already feeling the ache in his leg. Unable to find any words to use as argument, he simply looked away and missed the way Michael’s gaze grew even softer.

“Sounds good hearing you say it,” he smiled, biting his lip to hide his smile. “Was getting tired of hearing you call me Guerin.”

“Guess you know how I feel about you calling me Private,” Alex grumbled.

“That’s a term of endearment,” Michael chuckled.

“The least you can do is use my actual rank,” Alex sighed but his eyes lifted to meet the waiting gaze.

“I’ll call you Captain when you kiss me again.”

Alex squared his shoulders, ready to argue when Michael laughed and pressed a hand over mouth to silence him.

“Friends is good,” he nodded, closing the distance between them again. “You gonna meet up with that guy?”

“What do you think?” Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m not exactly the King of One Night Stands. I’m not you, _Guerin_.”

Michael’s smile widened despite the noted insult. “I deserve that. You’re really not meeting up with him?”

“Keep asking me and maybe I’ll change my mind,” Alex grumbled. “We’re trying this friendship thing, right? My hands are full enough with this.”

Not wanting to show how much the words had affected him, Michael moved even closer and nodded. “You really think we can be friends?”

“Keep it in your pants and yeah, we can,” Alex shrugged.

“You make me sound like a horny dog that can’t say no when I’m around you.”

The look in Alex’s eyes and the answering silence made Michael take a sharp breath. Finally looking away, Alex lifted his chin towards their dancing friends.

“Guess we should join them.”

Letting his hand fall to the small of Alex’s back, Michael stepped in beside him and smiled. Their gaze lingered for several seconds until Isobel’s shout from the crowd cut through their trance. Feeling a wave of peace settle inside him, Alex gave a small nod and started towards the others, his smile softening when he felt Michael’s hand press against his back as they went.


	8. EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo sorry for the late update! Life is insane busy these days and plus, my other fandom kind of took over for a bit.

*****

Filtering out of the club, Kyle threw his arm around Alex’s shoulder, wide grin plastered on his face. “I think I’m in love.”

Alex shook his head, feeling a slight buzz as they walked down the Strip. “Teacher from San Diego?”

“No, she hooked up with some older guy,” Kyle chuckled. “I met this other girl on the dance floor, Tina. She’s a lawyer down in New York. Dances like a pro. Kissed pretty good too.”

He gave a wink that made Alex laugh. “So what are you doing here with us? She had enough of you already?”

“Who says I’m not meeting up with her later?” Kyle said as he wiggled his brows up and down. “Besides, I want to spend some close time with my bestie before I go have sex.”

“I feel so special,” Alex rolled his eyes as Kyle tightened his hold around him. “Please don’t call me bestie.”

“Where are we going next?” Liz shouted from the front, capturing their attention as she twirled around with Maria at her side. “Can we have some more drinks? I like drinks. I _love_ drinks.”

“Maybe we should go back to the hotel,” Max suggested.

“Go back to the hotel? Why?” Liz asked, eyes shining. “So we can be awkward and silent and ignore each other?”

“Liz,” Max pleaded, reaching out to take her hand.

“No, I want to have fun! I came here to Vegas to have fun!” she exclaimed, whirling back around to point towards a noisy bar across the street. “Drinks!”

Maria laughed quietly as Liz dragged her towards the building. Max eyed them for several seconds before he finally turned to follow.

“Guess we’re getting drinks,” Isobel smirked, tossing her hair behind her shoulder as she went.

Michael took a step forward and stopped beside Alex, eyes boring holes into Kyle’s head as the Doctor kept his arm wrapped around his friend. Before either could make a comment, Alex slipped away from the embrace and started forward. Walking into the crowded bar, they made their way to the end of the building where Isobel had used her powers to secure a booth for them. Climbing on from one side, Alex slid his way to the middle and leaned back, surprised when Michael took the spot beside him. Isobel and Max rounded the other end as Kyle slid in beside Alex’s other side, Liz and Maria following. They gave their order to the busy waitress, pleased when she brought the drinks moments later.

“Alright, what should we cheer to?” Isobel spoke over the loud music.

“Aliens!” Liz shouted, lifting her shot glass in the air. “Aliens and conspiracy theories and Rosa!”

The group laughed as they raised their shot glasses before tossing back the drinks. Feeling the tightness in the booth, Michael leaned his arm against the back of the bench, fingers falling close by Alex’s shoulder. Alex felt the warmth radiating from their closeness and shot his hand in the air to stop their waitress again.

“Two shots of whisky?”

“Thanks, Private, is one for me?” Michael teased, watching as the server brought another tray.

“For me,” he corrected, tossing one shot after another down his throat.

“Damn, Alex,” Liz laughed, reaching across the booth to tap his hand. “You’re going to be so drunk in a minute!”

“That’s the plan,” he smiled, ignoring Michael’s gaze on the side of his face.

“Liz,” Max tried again, voice pleading as he watched his girlfriend. “Can we please just go somewhere and talk?”

“I don’t want to talk,” she groaned. “I just want to forget. I want to forget about everything. Why can’t you give me that?”

Not waiting for an answer, she turned to Maria and motioned towards the dancefloor at the end of the bar. When her friend gave a nod of acceptance, they rose from the bench and disappeared to the opposite end of the building. Max watched them go, the rejection he felt clear on his face.

“I need some air,” he muttered, slipping from the booth and fading through the crowd.

Isobel watched her brother go with a shake of her head. Fixing her lipstick in the small compact mirror in her hand, she gave a small wave and followed the girls to the dancefloor.

“Awkward,” Kyle laughed as he pulled the vibrating phone from his pocket. “That’s my cue! Have fun and use condoms!”

Giving them a quick wink, Kyle jumped to his feet and rushed to the exit. Muttering under his breath, Alex turned to the side to see Michael’s smirk on full display. Suddenly realizing they were the last two left, Alex cleared his throat and grabbed the rest of his companion’s beer.

“You maybe want to take it easy?” Michael asked, smile gentle as he watched him.

“Not what this trip is about,” Alex said, throwing his hand in the air to signal the waitress. “I want to get drunk and keep getting drunk until I forget my own name.”

The server brought another two shots but Michael snatched the second before Alex could toss it down his throat.

“Seriously, take a breath, Private. Pace yourself.”

“This coming from the self-proclaimed town drunk?”

“Yeah, it is,” Michael chuckled. “So maybe I know what I’m talking about.”

Their eyes locked as they stared at one another. Feeling a sudden sharp pain, Alex reached down and massaged his leg.

“Need some help?” Michael asked, his voice quiet, all trace of humor vanished.

“It just acts up sometimes,” Alex replied, groaning when his fingers brushed against the sore spot at the edge. “Sometimes I forget the prosthetic is even there. I try to do something, try to run or whatever and then I realize all over again that it’s gone. I hate that feeling.”

Michael shifted below the table and took Alex’s hand in his own, fingers squeezing gently. The touch made Alex’s heart beat faster but he quickly cleared his throat and pulled away, swallowing the second shot of whisky.

“I feel a buzz coming,” he said, sliding across the bench to rise to his feet.

“Where are you going?” Michael asked, moving to stand beside him.

“Liz has the right attitude. Drinks, drinks and more drinks.”

Leaving Michael’s side, Alex staggered through the mass of people, ignoring the pain in his leg as he walked towards the bar. Unsure of what else to do, Michael followed in his footsteps, sidling up beside him but keeping enough space so neither would feel crowded.

“So that’s the plan?” he asked, watching as Alex ordered his sixth shot of whisky. “Get drunk and forget?”

“Get drunk and forget,” Alex nodded.

“I can help with that,” a new voice cut in from behind.

Alex whirled around to see a blue eyed blond taking the empty spot beside him, smirk curving his lips as he leaned in.

“You’re good enough to eat,” the man flirted, eyes traveling up and down.

Before Michael could give in to his anger, Alex took a small step backwards and leaned against his chest. Frozen from the sudden movement, Michael watched as Alex twined their hands together and wrapped them around his own waist.

“Sorry, but I’m taken,” Alex smiled, snuggling backwards into Michael’s arms.

The man huffed at the rejection and quickly disappeared. Swallowing nervously, Michael stood still against the counter, afraid that any movement would make Alex pull away. When Alex stayed rooted in place, he felt his heart start to beat again. Just as he leaned closer to breathe the scent that always soothed him, Alex made a noise and untangled himself from the embrace.

“Sorry about that,” he said, eyes focused on the bar. “Easiest way to get rid of the guy.”

“You can use me any time,” Michael replied, voice low and private between them.

Their eyes met again for a heated moment before Liz burst forward, one arm wrapping around either of them. She gave a quick grin and ordered more shots for the group just as Isobel and Maria reached them. Alex threw back his shot and two more after, feeling the alcohol do its magic as his body began to vibrate. Pleased with the buzz coursing through him, he turned around and dragged Liz towards the dancefloor, missing the intensity of Michael’s gaze.

When they stumbled out into fresh air an hour later, Alex had his head thrown back with a roaring laugh, matched by Liz and Maria as the three friends tittered over nothing. Isobel shared an entertained look with Michael as they walked out after them.

“I am so drunk,” Alex giggled through his own inebriation. “Why are you guys still sober?”

“I think you’re drunk enough for all of us,” Michael said, reaching out a hand to steady him. “Come on, Private. Let’s call it a night.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Alex repeated, yanking his arm away. “Drunk Alex is Fun Alex!”

Liz tilted her head, eyes shining as she smiled. “I think you drank more than I did.”

“Because I have so much I want to forget,” he said, tapping his finger at her nose.

“Alex, come on,” Michael tried again.

“No, _Guerin_, I want to be Drunk Alex tonight!” he chuckled, eyes bright and glazed. “Drunk Alex doesn’t have to worry like Sober Alex does. Don’t you see?”

He twirled around himself in the crowded walkway, ignoring the laughter from people passing by.

“Drunk Alex doesn’t have to worry about the nightmares!” he exclaimed, missing the sadness that began to fill Michael’s gaze. “He doesn’t have to worry about closing his eyes and seeing what he sees every time! He can stop picturing _everything_!”

“Alex,” Maria started, blinking herself sober. “What are you talking about?”

“He doesn’t have to think about _all_ the ways his abusive Father broke him!” he continued, words spilling out in a drunken confession. “He doesn’t have to be so guarded and worry about every little tiny miniscule thing!”

“I think Drunk Alex has had enough,” Liz said, quickly gaining her sobriety back.

“No, don’t you see? I need to keep going because Drunk Alex doesn’t have to feel the blame or the weight of his Father’s actions!” he laughed. “He doesn’t have to remember waking up in the hospital, alone and confused, leg chopped off, completely deserted!”

“Alex,” Michael said, tears prickling his eyes as he took a step forward. “Come on, let’s get you back to the hotel.”

“Why don’t you get it?” he argued. “I don’t want to be sober because Sober Alex is a Goddamn broken mess.”

“You’re not a mess,” Michael spoke quietly.

The words made Alex throw his head back with a chuckle. “I’m the biggest mess around, Guerin! Nothing but hatred and anger and anxiety and depression and post-traumatic stress, all jumbled up in one giant chaotic mess up here in my head!”

He took a breath and stumbled backwards, swatting Michael’s hands when he reached out to help him. His breathing slowly calmed as all trace of laughter faded.

“Drunk Alex doesn’t have to remember that the guy he was in love with decided he wasn’t worth fighting for and chose his best friend,” he said quietly.

Maria looked away as tears began to well in her eyes.

“He doesn’t have to remember that gun…,” he started, but the words fell away as he looked up.

The worried faces staring back at him made Alex take another step back, all humor gone, eyes scrunched in exhaustion.

“I just want to forget,” he finished. “Just for one night, I want to forget.”

Breathing quietly, he lowered his gaze and started moving down the walkway as the others watched him go. Angry and embarrassed, he staggered forward, oblivious to the pain in his leg.

“I’ll stay with him,” Michael whispered as he turned to follow.

Liz and Isobel exchanged glances before turning towards Maria who was wiping her eyes.

“As painful as that was, I think he needed to vent the way he did,” Isobel sighed. “Maybe we should call it a night.”

Sharing a nod, the three made their way across the street, the mood effectively dampened. Catching up with Alex several yards down the Strip, Michael pulled him back towards him, avoiding the drunken hand that reached out to swat him away.

“Alex, you got to stop,” he pleaded, grip tight against his shoulders.

“You know what I need, Guerin?” he asked instead. “To feel numb.”

“You’ve drank more than enough, Private.”

“I don’t want my buzz to go away,” he replied, voice quiet amidst the commotion around them. “That goes away and all that other noise comes back.”

“Let me help you with that,” Michael said, a sweet smile curving his lips.

“Sex?” Alex snorted. “That won’t change anything, Guerin. That won’t fix anything. That won’t fix me.”

“You don’t need to be fixed,” Michael sighed.

“Yeah, I do,” Alex nodded. “I’m a broken mess, inside and out. No wonder you finally looked away.”

“I didn’t,” Michael pleaded, fingers pressing harder. “I know I hurt you but I didn’t look away. Not really.”

Alex watched him for a moment before a smile spread onto his face. “I’m going to forget all of this tomorrow, aren’t I?”

He pushed away and started down the street again, stumbling every other step from the pain shooting up through the prosthetic. When Michael reached around his back to hold his waist, Alex tensed for a moment before giving in. They walked for several minutes in silence, neither sure of what to say. When they reached another bar near Caesar’s Palace, Alex gave a smile that tore Michael’s heart to pieces.

“Get drunk with me.”

“Private, come on,” Michael chuckled.

“We’re friends, right?” Alex asked, eyes blinking slowly. “Friends get drunk together so get drunk with me. I think I scared all our other friends away.”

“You didn’t scare them away,” Michael’s smile was small.

“Then drink with me,” he repeated, hand reaching out to pat Michael’s face. “Let’s just keep getting drunk and forget everything together. Let’s do that, Guerin. Please?”

Taking a deep breath, Michael gave in with a helpless nod. Pleased by his agreement, Alex grabbed his arm and steered him to the noisy entrance. They pushed their way towards the counter, ordering a bottle that the bartender was quick to give.

“Vegas,” Alex shrugged, unscrewing the lid and taking a large sip.

Michael watched him with rapt attention, choosing to keep the use of his powers a secret. Leaning against one another at a wall near the back, they took turns drinking from the same bottle, a spark charging the air between them every time their lips alternated in covering the edge. When Michael finally felt the buzz inside him, his movements grew slower, hands loose as he pushed a strand of hair away from Alex’s forehead.

They shared a smile, bodies warm from the bitter alcohol as they stumbled out of the bar into fresh air. Pressed against each other, they made their way through the maze of people, eyes only on each other, oblivious to the world around them. Reaching the edge of the Bellagio resort, Alex froze as his eyes shined in mischief. Making a gesture with his hands, he blundered across the grounds towards the massive fountain.

“What are you doing?” Michael chuckled, moving to stand behind him.

They stood at an empty spot at the gates surrounding the fountain, Michael leaning in from behind as his hands slid over Alex’s against the rails. When he felt Michael press in close, the warmth he felt began to spread. Turning his face inwards, Michael closed the distance and pressed his mouth against the smooth skin. Lips trailing down, he left one kiss after another, neither fully aware of the touch through their inebriation.

Tilting his head to the side, Alex let his eyes lock with Michael’s, the space between their lips mere inches. As their breathing began to quicken, Michael slowly started leaning in. Pulling away at the last second, Alex staggered backwards with a laugh and pointed over his shoulder. Not waiting for a comment, he whirled around and reached for the bars, climbing up over the edge.

“Are you crazy?” Michael laughed, his own drunken state making him grab the gate to steady his wobbly legs.

“If my Father could see me now!” Alex sang before he jumped into the water.

The crowd gathered around the fountain took quick notice, pointing towards them with laughter. Seeing the smile on Alex’s face was enough to push Michael over the edge after him. Drenched from head to toe, he swam through the deep water, beaming when he saw the sparkling eyes gazing back at him.

“We’re gonna get arrested,” Michael said but the laugh on his tongue gave him away.

He reached through the water to pull Alex closer, heart beating wild when the soldier wrapped his legs around his waist. Before either could bridge the final gap between them, the sound of shouting from a distance made them turn towards the Hotel entrance. Swimming quickly, Michael helped Alex as they climbed back over the edge, the crowd around them cheering when they made their escape. Stumbling down the walkway, they hurried as fast as they could with the prosthetic, blending in with the crowd as the security guards rushed after them. Making a sudden left behind another bar, Michael pushed Alex into the shadows, both quiet as they watched the guards slip past them.

“That felt so good,” Alex laughed, back leaning against the wall.

Moving between his legs, Michael caged his face in with his arms, panting as he pressed their foreheads together. Lifting his suddenly shaky hands, Alex held the sides of Michael’s waist as they stood there, breathing each other in. Before their lips could meet in the middle, Alex ducked under his arms and shook his head.

“Friends,” he reminded. “I feel the buzz wearing off. More drinks!”

Smiling wide, Michael laughed as he reached forward to drag Alex back in. He watched as the soldier’s breath caught at the sudden closeness and let the smirk slip onto his own face.

“Drinks,” he repeated.

Their eyes shined with mischief as they released their hold on one another and disappeared down the busy walkway.

  
********  
  


The first thing Alex felt was the massive pounding in his head. Reaching up blindly, he massaged his sore temple as a groan slipped from his lips. Blinking himself awake, he felt a weight across his chest and peered down to see a mop of curly hair. Lips were pressed softly against his neck, an arm swung across his torso in a tight embrace. Glancing downward, he noticed his own arm holding Michael across his shoulders, pinning him against his own body as their legs laid tangled below the sheets.

Taking a deep breath, Alex counted to ten to calm his racing heart before he slowly began to untangle himself from the strong grip. Michael’s eyes slowly opened but in the fog of sleep he was caught in, he simply burrowed closer, pulling Alex and his heat back towards him.

“Guerin,” Alex started, throat dry and course for reasons he was too tired to question. “Guerin, get up.”

Growling at the interruption, Michael tilted his head back and looked up. Realization slowly dawned as he blinked his eyes into focus. Desperate to get a hold on the overwhelming emotions bursting out from seeing Michael in his arms, Alex squared his jaw and inched backwards.

“Guerin, get off me.”

The cold words were enough to spring Michael into action. Throwing the covers off, he sat on the bed and quickly grabbed his head from the nagging headache. The moment he rose to his feet, he noticed his state of undress and turned back around. Alex was looking in the opposite direction but the blush on his cheeks gave him away.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before,” Michael started, unable to stop the smirk from curving his lips.

“Nothing I need to see again,” Alex replied, keeping his voice detached and even.

Scoffing at the words, Michael reached down to grab his jeans, pulling them over his legs as Alex slipped inside his own boxers and rose from bed.

“I can’t remember anything from last night,” he groaned, running a rough hand through his hair. “Tell me we didn’t sleep together.”

Michael’s entire demeanor changed as he squared his shoulders in defense. “Does your ass hurt?”

Alex glared at the words but Michael simply shrugged and reached for the shirt he had tossed on the ground.

“Guess that means we didn’t.”

“Miracles never cease,” Alex muttered.

“Yeah, because sleeping with me would be the worst possible thing,” Michael spat back.

“As drunk as we were last night? Yeah, Guerin, it really would have,” Alex said as he grabbed his own jeans.

Feeling a sudden sharp pain, he glanced down and realized the prosthetic was still attached to his leg. Cursing at himself, he sat on the mattress and unhooked the piece, his anger rising at the red muscles staring back at him. Before his hands could reach down to massage the stump, he felt a weight beside him as Michael sat down.

“Let me,” he offered, but Alex felt his nerves shooting skyward and quickly shook his head.

“It’s fine, I’ll just take a long bath after,” he said, ignoring the pain as he attached the prosthetic back in place.

Sighing in defeat, Michael got to his feet and moved to the other end of the space before turning back in confusion. “This isn’t our hotel room.”

Alex looked up as he slid his shirt over his chest, suddenly realizing the strange area they had woken in.

“How drunk were we?” he mumbled, tilting his head from side to side as the headache continued to worsen.

“Where did you get that?”

He looked up at Michael’s words and followed his gaze to his lower abdomen where his shirt was riding high on his chest. The large scar was ugly against his smooth skin, leaving little for the imagination. Clearing his throat, he quickly straightened his shirt and hid the scar away.

“Was that there before?” Michael asked, brows furrowed.

“It was,” Alex nodded, searching the nightstand for his phone and wallet.

“Why don’t I remember it?”

“We hooked up a handful of times last year. Not a lot of attention went into it,” he shrugged.

Michael stayed silent for a long moment before he took a small step forward. “How did you get the scar?”

“Do we really have to do this right now?” Alex asked, spinning around in frustration. “We just woke up naked in bed, neither of us can remember last night and you want to talk about my battle scars?”

“Why won’t you ever tell me about them?”

“Because you never asked!” Alex shouted, his words silencing the man across him.

They stared at one another for several seconds, the hurt in Michael’s eyes making all the fight drain out of Alex.

“Look, we didn’t sleep together last night. That’s a good thing,” he started. “But we woke up in God knows which hotel. How about we deal with our present situation first before delving into previous shit?”

“Yeah, crisis of sex averted,” Michael said, his walls rising back up.

“Sex may be your answer to everything but it sure as hell isn’t mine,” Alex snapped, his emotions going into overdrive. “All it would have done was make us angrier and more defensive.”

“Like we’re not angry and defensive now?” Michael scoffed.

The silence was enough answer for both of them. Turning away from one another, they reached for the rest of their belongings before Michael rose back to his feet.

“It’s noon. Isobel’s gonna be so pissed,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

When he heard no response from the other end of the room, he looked up to see Alex staring at him with wide eyes full of fear. 

“What?” he asked, his own worry suddenly rising.

“Why do you have that?” Alex whispered.

“Have what?” Michael frowned, glancing around himself but seeing nothing. “What are you talking about?”

“Your _hand_, Guerin!”

Taken aback by the angry words, Michael peered down and froze. A gold wedding band sat snug around his finger, glittering in the light shining down from overhead. Frowning at the odd piece of jewelry, he lifted his head and locked eyes with Alex. Their gaze lingered for several seconds, the moment not registering, before both slowly looked down at the soldier's hand. A matching gold band was firm around Alex’s finger, shiny and new. Suddenly realizing what had happened, their heads snapped up at the same moment.

“Holy shit!”


	9. NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kind of hurt to write. One of my Professors once said that when you're coming up with a story or concept, make sure you can live in that mindset for the time it takes you to complete the story. Gotta say, Malex is angst to the extreme. Think I need to write a sappy, happy, lighthearted story just to balance myself!
> 
> p.s. One homophobic slur word used

*****

“Tell me this isn’t happening,” Alex said after the silence had stretched for too long. “Tell me we didn’t get drunk married in Vegas.”

Michael’s eyes dragged away from the ring curved around his finger, head tilting with a small smile. “You have to admit, it’s kinda funny.”

“No, Guerin, this isn’t funny! Us being married is the furthest thing from funny!”

“I get it,” Michael nodded, his shoulders squaring defensively. “Why would you want to be married to a _criminal_, right? You’re an Airman, a decorated soldier. I’m nothing but the town drunk, living on the wrong side of the law.”

“That has nothing to do with this at all!” Alex argued. “After everything we’ve been through, how is _this_ a good thing for us?”

“It doesn’t…,” Michael started but couldn’t finish his thought.

“Guerin, after everything my Father has done to you and your people, do you honestly want to be linked to _me_? To my name? To my family?”

As fast as Michael’s anger appeared, it vanished just as quick.

“There’s also that small bit where we drive each other crazy most of the time,” Alex pressed on. “Or the fact that we’ve hurt each other how many times?”

“Alex, stop,” Michael said, reaching out with both hands to grab his arms. “Stop freaking out.”

“Why are you _not_ freaking out? How are you so calm right now?” Alex asked as he pulled away. “We’re married, Guerin!”

“I know,” Michael nodded, his eyes growing soft as he looked down. “I remember us at the fountain. I think we went for a swim and maybe another bar after that.”

“They kicked us out because we were soaking wet,” Alex finished. “Check your pockets.”

When Michael stood still, brows furrowed in confusion, Alex rolled his eyes and dug into his own.

“Have you never seen The Hangover? Check your pockets!”

Pulling the contents out, they spread the crumpled items over the bed, unwrapping them one by one.

“Receipt at Caesar’s Palace for two hundred and eighty dollars at the bar,” Alex said, tossing the paper aside in frustration. “Three hundred at the Bellagio for I don’t even know what.”

“We went back to the Bellagio after the guards chased us out?” Michael snorted as he searched through his own receipts. “I got a car rental key and…shit.”

“What?” Alex asked, snapping his head up and leaning over.

“Seven hundred and ninety dollars at Billy and Sue’s Chapel of Love,” Michael read. “We sure know how to pick ‘em, don’t we Private?”

He started laughing at the silly sketch of Elvis printed at the bottom of the paper. Glancing to the side, his humor vanished when he saw the panicked eyes staring back.

“We should go to the chapel,” Alex finally said, looking down at the ring on his hand. “See how we can get out of this.”

Not giving Michael a chance to comment, he pushed everything back in his pockets and started moving towards the door. The sudden shot of pain inside his leg made him stumble, reaching for the wall to catch his fall. With a flash of movement, Michael was at his side, grabbing his waist to steady him.

“Don’t!” Alex pleaded, yanking himself free. “Please don’t be nice to me right now.”

“Alex, this isn’t the end of the world,” Michael smiled, taking a step closer. “We didn’t wake up married to random people. It’s you and me.”

“That’s the problem, Guerin_._”

Swinging the door open, Alex swallowed the pain in his leg and stepped outside. With a rough hand through his messy curls, Michael took a breath and followed. Standing at the edge of the parking, they took a moment to glance around themselves, catching the rusted ‘Booty Call Inn’ at the end of the lot.

Despite the panic he was feeling, Alex couldn’t help but blush at the sign. He felt a nudge against his side and turned to see Michael giving him a small smile. Their eyes held for several beats, both feeling the sudden weight of the bands around their fingers. With a nervous breath, Michael reached for his hand, the rings pressing together when they touched. A current went through them, an electric heat that always sprung when their bodies were close. Just as they started inching forward, like magnets drawn together, the door beside them burst open and a woman stepped out, dressed in six inch heels and a miniskirt with her chest hanging out from her top. Her lipstick was smeared across her lips, the cheap mascara sliding down the sides of her face. She raised a manicured hand to wave at them in greeting when an older man stepped out behind her. Michael smirked at the clichéd image the two presented but quickly soured when the man’s face morphed in disgust at their tangled hands. Sensing the animosity, Alex slowly pulled his hand away, the absence making Michael’s anger deepen towards the unwanted guest.

“You got a problem?” Michael snapped, his jaw squaring and his body rigid, eager for a fight.

“Goddamn faggots.”

“What you just say?” Michael spat.

“Guerin, let it go!” Alex hissed, grabbing his arm to drag him back.

“I’m not gonna let it go! The asshole’s paying for a girl and he’s talking shit to _us_?”

“Who cares?” Alex argued as he waved his hand in the space between them. “We got other things to worry about, remember?”

As the two of them stared at one another in a heated challenge, the older man spun on his heels and disappeared down the lot, the woman smirking as she followed him out.

“You’re just gonna let the old asshole get away with saying that?”

“Guerin, I’ve been hearing the same regurgitated crap my whole life from my Father, my brothers, the kids at school and in the Air Force. It sucks every time but do you really think some old pervert who pays for sex matters to me right now?”

Michael’s gaze instantly saddened at the words, memories of senior year flashing through both their eyes. He suddenly looked down, feeling a touch against his hand and smiled when he saw Alex gripping his fingers. Realizing the hold, Alex quickly tore his hand away and swallowed, stepping back to put a foot of space between them. Their eyes locked for a brief moment until the vibration on Alex’s phone made them break their gaze. Yanking the cell from his pocket, he glanced through the notifications and looked up.

“It’s Isobel. You weren’t answering. She wants to meet at the hotel for breakfast.”

“My head hurts enough. Can’t deal with Isobel’s wrath right now,” Michael sighed as he raised the car keys. “Breakfast first, chapel after?”

With a single nod, Alex grabbed the keys and followed the sound to locate their car. Seeing a blue pickup parked near the end of the pavement, they started making their way forward. Michael’s eyes caught the same older man from before, shooting them glares as they walked past his sight. Grabbing the phone from Alex’s hand, Michael snapped a quick photo of the man with his date lingering in the same shot.

“My husband’s an awesome hacker!” Michael shouted with a grin, missing the way Alex froze and whirled towards him. “Those magic hands of his can do a lot more than make me see the Goddamn stars! Few strokes in his laptop, pretty sure he can figure out your name and number. Wouldn’t dear old Betty Anne or whatever your wife’s name is be thrilled to see where your dick was last night?”

The woman threw her head back with a roaring laugh as the older man watched them with panic in his eyes.

“Would you quit it?” Alex hissed, moving behind Michael and pushing him the rest of the way towards the rental. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Never liked people talking shit about you back then, still don’t like it now,” Michael shrugged.

“First of all, the jerk said shit about us both, not just me.”

“Don’t care what people say about me. I care what they say about you,” Michael said and froze when he realized the confession that had slipped from his mouth.

Alex swallowed hard, affected by the words, but quickly schooled his face into practiced indifference as he reached for his door. “Stop calling me that.”

“My _husband_?” Michael chuckled, all trace of humor gone from his voice as they climbed inside. “That’s what you are, Private.”

“Not for long,” Alex whirled around to face him once they were seated. “We’ll have breakfast, pretend nothing happened, then go to the chapel and get this nightmare fixed.”

“Nightmare?” Michael repeated, his anger returning in spades. “You know what? I’m glad I refused sex last night.”

“_You_ refused?” Alex laughed, pulling the car onto the road. “You have no memories, remember? And if anyone refused, I did. You’re the one who lacks control, Guerin, not me.”

“You think so, huh?” Michael argued back. “Oh, Guerin, harder! Deeper!”

“I never said that to you, ever!”

“Pound me harder, Guerin! Make me moan!”

“What shitty porn are you confusing our sex life with?” Alex frowned. “Not once have I said any of that crap to you. Not when we were seventeen, sure as hell not last year.”

“Guess I must have dreamt it all.”

“Considering that’s the only place you’re ever having sex with me again, I’d say that’s a safe bet.”

“Then maybe it was DeLuca.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Michael instantly regretted them. Alex slammed on the brakes behind a red light and turned towards him with a glare. His anger was on full display but the hurt he felt was shining in his eyes, a wound that Michael easily picked up on.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Goddammit, Alex!” Michael smacked his head backwards on the edge of his seat. “I know I shouldn’t have said that but you make me so damn crazy sometimes.”

“At least we have that in common,” Alex muttered. “This friends thing doesn’t really seem to be working between us. One night hanging out and look what happened.”

“Yeah, we got married. Guess that means the world is over now,” Michael scoffed.

“If you really need me to tell you again why this is terrible, then you’re probably still drunk,” Alex said without facing him. “Let’s get this mess sorted out and then we can go back to the way things were. Zero contact.”

He switched the radio on and pressed on the gas, letting the loud music fill the tense silence between them. Pressing his head back against the seat, Michael closed his eyes, fingers stroking gently at the ring on his hand.

  
********  
  


Hearing a gentle knock from outside, Max walked with quiet footsteps and pulled the door open. Liz was standing on the other side, watching him with red, wet eyes. His heart yearned to pull her in his arms but as much as he missed and loved her, his confusion at her behaviour had him standing back.

“Can I come in?” she asked quietly.

Waving her inside, he closed the door and followed her towards the small couch lined against the wall. They sat together in silence, neither sure of what to say until Liz turned to face him with a broken smile.

“I’m so sorry,” she started, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’ve been unfair to you.”

“I just don’t understand why,” Max said, clasping his hands together to stop himself from reaching out. “Before I was gone, I thought we cared for each other. I thought we loved each other.”

“We did!” Liz exclaimed. “I do.”

“Then what happened?”

“Seeing my sister standing there and you being gone because of it, I didn’t know what to think. How to feel. I was so happy and broken at the same time,” she started, running a hand across her eyes. “It was killing me, thinking you were gone, thinking you had died trying to bring my sister back, all because you loved me.”

Max stayed silent, giving her the patience to work through her thoughts.

“And then you were back and she was still here and my emotions just went into overdrive,” she continued. “I was so desperately happy to have you again, to be able to hold you, to touch you and then it all felt like a bucket of cold water. I remembered everything all at once, all the reasons why I was so mad at you in the first place. Everything that happened with Rosa back then, what my Father and I went through in Roswell, how everyone treated us, destroyed my sister’s name. I was all over the place and it was so much easier distancing myself and hanging onto that anger than dealing with the rest.”

“I’m sorry,” Max whispered, lifting his wet eyes towards her. “I get if you can’t forgive me.”

“No, Max, stop,” she pleaded, raising a hand to his cheek.

He leaned against the gentle touch, watching her with sad eyes as she pressed closer towards him.

“What you guys did was wrong and horrible. You thought only about yourselves in that moment and never about anyone else,” she started. “But you have done so much to make up for those mistakes. You saved my Dad, you saved _me_. You brought Rosa back.”

She reached out to take his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together.

“I forgive you, Max,” she said, eyes locked with his. “I just hope that you can forgive me too.”

Without needing any words, he sprang forward and crashed his lips against hers. She made a noise at the sudden kiss but quickly untangled her hands to hold his face. Moving backwards on the couch, she slid onto her back as he climbed on top of her, whispering apologies to each other between kisses.

“I love you,” she said, the words making him lift up to meet her gaze. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered.

Smiling at each other, they leaned in for another kiss when the ringtone on Max’s phone went off. Groaning at the interruption, he dug inside his pocket and pulled his cell out.

“Isobel. She wants us to meet for breakfast.”

“It’s okay, we can go. It got a bit crazy with Alex last night,” she said as they sat up on the couch.

With tender hands, she brushed the hair out of his face, the touch making him lean in to give her another kiss. They shared a look that held the promise of more and rose from the couch. The smile on Max’s face was bright, lighting the room and making Liz laugh as he pulled her out towards the hallway. Arms wrapped around each other, they continued swapping kisses until they reached the main floor. Walking down the hallway towards the restaurant, they pulled away when Isobel’s laughter cut through their happy fog.

“Guess you two worked it out,” she smirked.

Liz pulled him tight against her and kissed his shoulder in reply. His hold around her body was strong, leaning his chin over her head to smile at his sister from above. Isobel shook her head at the happy couple and whirled around to see Maria’s smile never reach her eyes. They watched each other from across the floor until Maria looked away, a mask of happiness slipping back on her face just as Kyle rounded the corner and approached.

“What a night!” he exclaimed. “I don’t want to brag but when they say you go to Vegas and have a great time, they really mean it.”

“You and your date have fun, freaky sex?” Isobel smirked.

“It was a ‘sock on your door, keep everyone else out’ kind of night,” he grinned. “Although I do feel bad about the sock. Alex never came in so he’s probably super pissed at me.”

“You put a sock on the doorknob?” Isobel laughed. “What are you, twelve?”

“In my defense, I was down four shots of whisky.”

“That’s it? Lightweight,” Isobel scoffed.

“Michael never showed up last night either,” Max cut in. “And no, I didn’t put a sock on mine.”

“Think they’re together?” Kyle snorted before looking over at Maria with an awkward smile.

“Guys, I’m over all that drama,” she insisted. “I just want things to go back to the way they were. I want the two of them to work things out and I want me and Alex to get our friendship back. So I’m good, I promise.”

“Well, on that note, I made reservations for brunch so let’s go,” Isobel pointed, taking the lead as she steered them inside the restaurant.

Walking through the hotel’s main doors seconds later, Alex continued pushing forward, ignoring the pain at his knee as Michael rushed to keep up. Stopping outside the restaurant doors, they paused and faced one another.

“Let’s just get through breakfast,” he said, burying the hurt he still felt.

“I’m sorry,” Michael repeated. “That was a dick move, what I said. You gotta know I’m sorry.”

Nodding at the apology, Alex ran a hand across his face and rubbed his tired eyes. Tipping his head towards the restaurant, he walked through the entrance with Michael following quietly behind. The moment he saw Liz waving at them from across the dining hall, he raised his hand to answer and gasped. Whirling around, he pushed Michael backwards out of sight and tore the ring off his finger. Michael’s gaze held a mixture of pain and dejection as he slowly did the same. Pocketing their own rings, they shared a final look before they made their way across to the others. Seeing two empty seats next to Liz and Max, Alex took the spot beside his friend, ignoring the heat that coursed through him when Michael’s arm brushed against his as he sat on his right.

“You guys seem better,” Alex commented, turning a smile to Liz.

“We’re working on it,” she replied, leaning up to give her boyfriend a small kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Max said with a kiss of his own as the other side of the table booed their display with laughter.

Flipping his menu open, Alex stared through the items over and over, but couldn’t register the words in his mind. The silence around the table gave him a moment to get his feelings sorted out. He and Michael were _married_. The thought made his heart tick as wildly as it had the first time they had slept together all those years back. The longing he felt to reach across the foot of space between their seats and take Michael’s hand in his own was overwhelming. A happiness coursed through his entire being, a love that was so incredibly real it had spanned a decade without the flame ever burning out. But the love that he felt, it was nothing more than a whisper of a dream he once had. They were no longer the innocent seventeen year old boys falling in love for the first time. Too much damage had happened between them. Too much anger and resentment, bitterness and pain. It didn’t matter that Michael had called their love a cosmic one. Alex was a Manes and his family had committed horrendous crimes. They had lied to one another, betrayed and hurt each other, and broken one another’s hearts. Michael had likened Alex to his Father in a heated exchange, a wound that had cut so deep, Alex was unsure if he could ever move on. Michael had chosen Maria without a single glance back. Alex himself had walked away so many times. The list was endless, too many heartbreaking moments to count. As much as his heart yearned to pull the curly-haired alien towards him and push the wedding bands back on their hands, deep down he felt like they had been doomed from the start. He loved Michael, more than he had ever loved anything or anyone else, but sometimes love wasn’t enough.

“So, where did you two end up last night?” Kyle’s question had Alex looking up from his thoughts.

Before either could respond, a waitress came up to their table with a bright smile, taking note of their orders one by one. When she reached Michael, the smile on her face grew seductive. Ignoring her flirtatious wink for the man beside him, Michael cleared his throat and leaned towards an oblivious Alex. When his arm slipped across the back of Alex’s chair, fingers curling possessively around his shoulder, the waitress reined in her flirty smile and took a step back.

“Scrambled eggs, toast and black coffee,” Michael finally said as he nudged Alex on the side.

Still ignorant to it all, Alex released the massage on his temple and looked over. “Just order for me.”

“He’ll have the same,” Michael said as he gave their menus over. “Two creams, three sugars in his coffee.”

When the server had left their table, Alex leaned back in his chair and felt the weight of Michael’s arm across his shoulders. Ignoring the implications and the tingling he felt running through him, his gaze caught on five pairs of eyes watching them in silence.

“What?” he said, walls quickly rising as he felt the weight of the ring inside his pocket.

“Are you feeling better?” Liz asked quietly. “You drank a lot, we all did. But you said a lot of stuff, too.”

“Did I embarrass myself?” Alex frowned, looking between their faces.

“No,” Liz smiled, but the sadness in her eyes spoke differently. “You were upset.”

“Aren’t I always?” he snorted but the joke fell flat as silence filled the table. “What did I say?”

“Things that hurt to hear,” Maria spoke up.

He snapped his eyes towards her, apology on his tongue but she held her hand up to cut him off.

“I don’t mean it like that,” she corrected. “I just meant it hurt to hear, for you.”

He lowered his gaze to his lap, too anxious to ask anything else. “Whatever I said, I’m sorry.”

“You were hurting, Alex,” Liz reached for his had, squeezing it hard.

Feeling a shot of pain in his leg at the same time as her words, he scrambled backwards and rose from the table. Mumbling an excuse for the bathroom, he made his way through the restaurant towards the back hallway. When he was out of sight from the other patrons, he leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes to a moment of silence. A sudden touch against his shoulder had him whirling around to see Kyle standing behind him with a worried look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Kyle started. “I kind of left you and Guerin on your own. Hell, I was drunk too, but I knew you were hurting. I just really thought you guys needed that time to air things out between you.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m just hungover and tired,” Alex shook his head.

“Did something happen last night?” Kyle asked, broaching the subject slowly. “You seem extra agitated.”

_ We were drunk and we got married!_

Instead of spilling the truth like he wanted, Alex forced a smile on his face. “My prosthetic is just killing me. Forgot to take it off so my leg’s acting up.”

“I’ll give you a massage later,” Kyle grinned.

Pushing his friend away, Alex walked back to their table, taking his chair as Kyle sat across him. Feeling the weight of Michael’s gaze, he kept his eyes focused forward, reaching for the coffee the waitress had brought out.

“Did you end up getting together with that lawyer?” he asked, breaking the silence as he looked at his friend.

Taking the bait, Kyle started in on his adventurous night, his account steering the table’s attention towards him for a short while.

“I meant to ask, where did you end up sleeping last night?” Kyle asked around a forkful of food once his story was done. “Surprised you’re not pissed at me about the sock.”

“Sock?” Alex frowned.

“He put a sock on the doorknob because he and his lawyer friend _Tina_ wanted to get busy without interruptions,” Liz teased.

“You weren’t in the room either,” Max added casually, glancing towards his brother.

The table was silent for a quick stretch until Michael gave a lazy grin. “Yeah, me and the Private ended up going to another bar and we passed out by the Bellagio fountain after. Surprised no one called the cops.”

“That’s it?” Kyle asked, disappointment obvious. “You guys got drunk and passed out by the fountain?”

“Yep, that’s all,” Michael nodded.

Isobel narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to comment. Sensing the question she was about to ask, Alex pushed his mug away and looked towards the rest of the table.

“What’s planned after brunch?”

“I thought we could walk it off, see the Strip during the day,” Liz suggested, leaning against Max and smiling when he slipped his arm around her waist.

The table nodded in agreement and they finished the rest of their meals with easy conversation. When they were walking down the Strip an hour later, Alex hung back at the rear of the group, hands digging inside his pockets. His breath caught in his throat when his fingers brushed against the gold band.

“Hey,” Michael’s sudden voice made him jump. “You okay?”

“Define okay,” Alex said, blowing all the air from his lungs. “When are we going to the chapel?”

“How about we stick with them a bit longer and then make an excuse to duck out,” Michael said after a quiet moment.

He could hear the frustration in Michael’s voice but couldn’t bring himself to say anything else. With their friends laughing a few feet ahead, Alex tilted his gaze towards the sky. Eyes widening, he shouted a curse and froze when the others stopped and whirled around.

“What’s wrong?” Liz frowned, making a move towards him.

Acting on impulse, Alex rushed forward and pushed them inside the first building on their right. Not caring where they were, he ignored their complaints and shoved them through the doors.

“What the hell was that?” Michael asked, grabbing his arm.

Pointing towards the sky, he watched the shock appear on Michael’s features at the helicopter flying overhead, a giant banner ‘Alex and Michael Guerin Forever’ attached to the tail. The smile that filled Michael’s face gave Alex pause, but he was too afraid to let his own feelings break out. Michael’s face lowered and their eyes locked, their gaze stretching for another sparked moment until reality came crashing back.

“We should get to the chapel,” Alex blurted, pushing past him to head inside the building.

Michael watched him go, his own shoulders dropping in defeat. When he peered back towards the sky, the helicopter was disappearing in the distance, the words fading with it. The moment he had realized the truth that morning, he had felt a lightness in his heart. Being married to Alex, calling Alex his own felt like a dream that had always been too far to grasp. All the pain and anger between them had been absent for a single, heart stopping pause. But the reality they lived in was sorely different from the fantasy Michael had envisioned since he was seventeen. Alex had always been his home, no matter the distance or the pain that existed. As much as he desperately wanted to fix things between them, with a powerful need to put the rings back on their fingers, he knew the task was a mountain to climb.

With a heavy heart, he ducked his head and walked inside the building. The moment the sultry music hit his ears, he realized what they had barged in on.

“A strip club?” Isobel asked aloud, peering over her shoulder. “Damn, Soldier, never took you for the kinky type.”

“This is definitely not what I thought was in here,” Alex mumbled.

“Well, we’re here. Might as well enjoy ourselves,” Isobel smirked, grabbing a protesting Maria and Kyle and leading them towards the empty seats at the front stage.

Liz and Max were next to disappear, rushing towards the back of the club, wrapped up in their own world and oblivious to the dancers around them. Loud dance music streamed through the speakers as a man and woman took the stage, starting a routine that had the few patrons reaching for their wallets. Isobel’s shout of excitement had Maria and Kyle laughing but their attempt to escape only made the blonde hold onto them even harder.

Ignoring the dance up front, Michael turned to see Alex watching him in the strobe lights shining down. Just as they opened their mouths at the same time, a slender arm wrapped around Michael's waist from behind.

“Want a dance, sexy?” a dancer asked as she moved around his body, her hand running up his arm.

He pulled away and shook his head at the offer. When he turned to point to Alex, he saw him seated at the bar, tossing a shot of whisky down his throat.

“You sure, baby?” the dancer asked, her voice seductive and low.

“He’s my husband,” Michael said, staring at the back of Alex’s head for a beat longer before he turned towards the girl.

The horror on her face almost made him laugh. She muttered an apology as she ducked away, leaving Michael to make his way towards the counter. Taking the stool to Alex’s right, he watched the soldier toss another drink back before leaning in.

“Last night wasn’t enough?” he asked gently.

“Obviously not,” Alex grunted.

“Hey,” Michael said, reaching forward to stop rest of the drink from lifting. “Talk to me, Private.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Alex shrugged.

Inching closer, Michael spread his hand across Alex’s lower back, watching as the other man’s eyes fluttered at the touch. Tilting his head around, Alex slowly looked up but stayed quiet. Taking the silence as encouragement, Michael pressed his hand harder. Their lips were close together, an electric charge filling the space between them.

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” Michael whispered. “We can talk, we can just sit and not say anything or do whatever you want.”

“Have sex?” Alex asked, the mood changing as he leaned back. “That’s always your answer to everything, isn’t it?”

“It’s my answer when talking doesn’t work between us,” Michael exclaimed. “We got a lot to talk about, I know we do, but until we’re ready for that, then maybe sex is how we can bridge that damn gap.”

Isobel’s sudden excited squeal in the background broke through the moment. Blinking his eyes back into focus, Alex rolled off the stool.

“We should get to the chapel while they’re busy,” he said, trying his best to keep the emotions out of his voice. “Don’t think they’ll miss us much if we duck out.”

With a nod of defeat, Michael rose and followed him back outside. Their walk to the hotel was quiet, the silence stretching as they waited for the valet to bring their car around. Pulling an address for the chapel on his phone, Alex sat behind the wheel again, pushing through the pain in his leg as they drove away from the traffic of downtown. When they parked beside the chapel minutes later, the tension between them was strong.

Walking through the double doors, they stopped inside and stared at the decorations filling the main hall. Hearts were pinned to every wall, glittery and red as they shined in the bright lights from overhead. The seats in front were decked out in pink, satin bows with flower petals scattered around the aisle. A large sculpture of Elvis stood behind a small piano on the left side of the stage, barrels of hay and a donkey filling the space on the right.

“How does any of this match?” Michael scoffed, eyes flipping between the two statues up front.  
  
“Elvis loved donkeys,” an old man behind the piano said as he struggled to his feet. “It was a well known fact that he preferred donkeys to people.”

“I don’t think…,” Michael started but Alex’s grip on his arm made him lift his hand and give up.

“Alex! Michael!”

They turned to see an elderly couple rushing towards them, smiles bright as they approached.

“We are so happy to see you boys again,” the woman gushed, laughing at their confused brows. “I’m Sue and this is my husband Billy. Don’t you remember?”

“You had quite the wedding last night,” Billy added.

“Our favorite couple we’ve seen all month,” Sue finished with a wink.

“Last night’s hazy for us. We had a lot to drink,” Alex cut them off. “We’re actually here because the wedding was a mistake.”

“Oh no!” Sue exclaimed, holding a hand over her heart. “I can’t believe that. You’re pulling a fast one on us.”

“Nope,” Michael said, finally tearing his gaze away from Alex towards the couple. “Him and me are not together.”

“We were hoping you could tell us how to get a quick annulment,” Alex added.

The couple stared at one another before Sue turned back with a pout. “But you’re so perfect together. So perfect for each other.”

“We’re not,” Alex said, swallowing his answer that somehow felt like a lie. “We’ve been together before but it never really worked out. There’s a lot of stuff that happened between us and this won’t work out. It can’t.”

Michael’s gaze was a mix of defeat and sadness, one that the couple easily picked up on.

“Well, if that’s what you boys really want, you can take your marriage license with you and request an emergency hearing at City Hall,” Billy offered. “But it is the long weekend so you’ll have to wait until Monday before any Judge will see you.”

“Monday?” Alex repeated, running a hand through his hair. “We didn’t find a marriage license.”

“You left it with us, dear boy,” Sue said, smiling gently as she led them towards the back office. “Said you would come back for it in the morning. When we didn’t see you, we were going to mail it out tomorrow to the address you gave.”

“What address?” Alex asked.

Sue typed with slow fingers in the computer and looked up. “The Holloman Base outside of Roswell, New Mexico.”

“Of course I gave that as the forwarding spot,” Alex laughed in disbelief. “My Father’s due back any day. Imagine he saw that?”

Michael stayed quiet as he watched him. Stepping closer, he reached out to take Alex’s hand in his own, heart pounding when the soldier didn’t pull back.

“Can you imagine his reaction?” Alex continued, eyes steered towards the ground, forgetting the elderly couple that were watching them. “I can’t even…I don’t even want to…”

“It’s okay,” Michael soothed, lifting his free hand to the back of Alex’s neck in a gentle squeeze. “He can’t hurt you anymore. He can't hurt us.”

“Because suddenly we live in a world that’s not our reality?” Alex said and pulled away when he remembered the audience they had. “So we have to wait until Monday?”

“Yes,” Sue nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry, I know it’s not my place but I have to say something. We opened this chapel years ago because seeing couples happy together, in love, makes us cherish the love we have between ourselves.”

“Making others as happy as we are is a beautiful thing,” Billy added, his grey beard thick around his chin.

“And you two were so happy last night,” Sue continued. “Hands all over each other, smiling and kissing the whole time. You were in love.”

“It’s complicated,” Alex managed.

“This one here,” Sue pointed at Michael, “he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. His smile was so bright, it almost blinded us. Just pure, unimaginable love. Whispering all those sweet words to you, calling you his and his alone.”

Michael licked his lips and dug his hands in his pockets in a nervous gesture.

“And you, sweet boy,” Sue said to Alex. “You couldn’t stop yourself from holding onto him. So sweet, so loving, telling him how much he meant to you, how much he mattered to your heart.”

“We were drunk,” Alex cut her off as he cleared his throat. “Our reality is a bit different when we’re sober.”

“Well, we’re sad to hear you say that but it’s your choice after all,” Billy replied. “But you did pay for the gold package.”

“Yeah, we saw the banner earlier,” Michael spoke quietly.

“Oh, not just that, dearie,” Sue exclaimed as she and Billy walked behind the desk. “Can you boys help us out?”

Michael moved towards them with Alex behind, grabbing three boxes and carrying them outside to the front hall. Lifting the lid off the first box, they peered inside to see a stack of coffee mugs. Pulling a mug from the box, they stared at a printed image of the two of them from last night, a moment their minds had forgotten. Alex was facing the camera with Michael holding him from behind, arms wrapped around each other. With his head tilted back, Alex had a wide smile on his face as Michael pressed a kiss to his cheek.

They slowly looked at one another, not realizing how close they had drifted in the few seconds that had passed. Reaching for the second box, Alex swallowed as he pulled a calendar from inside. Flipping through the pages, each had a different image above the month. January had Alex’s arms wrapped around Michael’s shoulders, their eyes closed, foreheads pressed together. February had Michael lifting Alex from the ground as they grinned at one another. March had Michael holding Alex in his arms as they slow danced, eyes shining from the alcohol. April had them holding each other’s faces as they kissed, oblivious in the photo to the world around them.

Slamming the calendar shut, Alex whirled around, eyes unfocused and wide. “Thank you for helping us out.”

Lifting one of the boxes, he disappeared through the doors. Watching him go with pained eyes, Michael reached for the marriage license, slipping the paper in his jacket pocket and grabbed the two final boxes before turning towards the couple.

“The way you two were with each other was not a lie,” Sue commented.

“Like he said, it’s complicated,” Michael said, smiling sadly. “Thanks for the help.”

Not waiting any longer, he walked through the doors and made his way towards the car, dropping the boxes in the open trunk. When he was back inside the car, he turned over, ready for the fight he thought was brewing but the image he saw made him freeze. Alex was sitting with his hands gripping the wheel, cheeks stained from tears. Heart falling at the sight, Michael reached out and pulled Alex to him, crashing their lips together.

Instead of the fight he half expected, Alex released his grip on the wheel and dragged Michael’s face closer to his own. Their tongues danced together as they lost themselves in the comforting warmth of each other’s mouths. A groan slipped from Alex as he tore his lips away for a breath. Not giving him the air he wanted, Michael dragged him back in for another kiss, the second deeper than the one before. Releasing the red lips from his own, Michael trailed his mouth down the stretch of Alex’s throat, teeth catching as he left small bruises on his skin.

“Guerin,” Alex whispered, hands moving between them.

With a gentle shove, Alex pushed him to his seat and backed away to his own. They stared at one another, panting, lips swollen and red.

“We can’t,” Alex finally said with a shake of his head. “This isn’t how it was supposed to be.”

“What, Alex? Divorce? Marriage?” Michael snapped. “This not how you pictured getting married?”

“Not how I pictured being married to _you_,” Alex whispered, running the back of his hand over his glistened eyes. “When we were seventeen, for those brief few moments, I saw us together. I saw this whole future for us, just happy, in love. But it was a fantasy, you know? In a matter of seconds, everything got destroyed. Everything broke.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” Michael whispered.

“Everything broke. Everything broke and we couldn’t put it back again,” Alex shook his head. “Let’s just go. We need to get through this weekend and then go to Court on Monday, get the annulment.”

“Damn it, I don’t want to get divorced!” Michael confessed, the pain he felt bleeding through his words.

Swallowing hard, Alex reached out to touch his face but stopped his hand midway. “No, Guerin, we’re not good for each other.”

“You’re the only one who thinks that!”

“Because I’m the one that’s broken!” Alex shouted, his voice echoing in the small space as Michael watched him in surprise. “Don’t you get that? Me! I’m broken!”

“Why the hell would you think that?” Michael whispered, eyes wet with tears. “Sweetheart, you’re not broken.”

“Yeah, I really am,” Alex whispered. “A part of me hates you so much, Michael. I hate you so much for taking my heart and never giving it back. For blaming me for everything that went wrong between us. For comparing me to my Father. For choosing my friend. For never talking to me about who you really were, never fighting for me, never asking me to stay. I hate you so much and it doesn’t even come close to how much I love…”

He buried his face in his hands and started crying. Michael watched him in silence, a desperate need within him to pull Alex in his arms, to ease the pain he saw, to make things better, to ask for forgiveness.

“How can you ever love me back? After everything my Family has done? I get it, Michael. I get why you looked away. I get why you moved on. Why can’t you let me do the same? Why do you want me back?” Alex cried, his thoughts a jumbled mess as he finally looked up, eyes wet and red. “I tried so hard to forget you. But when I was alone in the desert, when we were ambushed, when I thought I was dying, I saw your face, I thought of your smile. But it’s never worked between us, Michael. There is so much pain, so much sadness. We can’t change any of that.”

“Can’t we try?” Michael asked quietly.

“So we can break each other even more next time?” Alex asked, wiping at his eyes. “Maybe what we need is a clean break, once and for all. Maybe this annulment will be that for us. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.”

Taking a deep breath, he finished wiping his eyes, feeling the weight of Michael’s gaze on him. Neither spoke as Alex switched the car on.

“Let’s just get back to the hotel,” Alex suggested. “I just need some time by myself. We can get through the weekend and just see what happens on Monday.”

When they pulled away from the lot, Alex ran the back of his hand across his eyes a second time to clear his blurred vision. Michael continued to watch him before he finally looked away, his heart heavy and sad. He wanted to fix things, to take Alex's pain away, to hold Alex in his arms and make him see how strong their love really was. He didn't want to get an annulment. He didn't want to say goodbye and go back to zero contact. He wanted to fight for Alex. It was about time he really tried.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a dark chapter again. Mentions of self-harm. But I hope I left it at a better place.

*****

Sitting by the window with a mug of coffee in his hands, Alex curled in on himself, forehead pressed against the glass, watching the morning sky. His argument with Michael, the words they had shared, the kiss, the marriage and Alex’s broken confession had taken the energy out of him. He’d gone back to his room after returning to the hotel, keeping to himself until night approached. Not even Kyle’s attempts at pulling him out of his shell had succeeded. When the lights had gone off and his friend was snoring soundly, Alex had gone to the window, sinking down in the chair and staring out. Night had turned to day and other than the cup of coffee he’s poured for himself, he hadn’t moved an inch. Sleep was a distant memory, too many thoughts plaguing his mind and keeping him awake.

“Morning,” Kyle spoke quietly, his voice making Alex turn his head. “You sleep at all?”

“No,” he shook his head, lifting his mug to take a sip.

“Something happen last night?” Kyle asked, a worried expression filling his face. “Want to talk about it?”

“I’m just tired,” Alex said with a smile.

“Isobel messaged. Everyone’s meeting for breakfast downstairs. You want to come with?”

“No, I’m not really in the mood for company right now. You guys have a good time.”

Kyle hesitated for another few seconds before he dropped his shoulders and gave a nod in acceptance. The sound of the shower came moments after but Alex lowered his empty mug and stared outside the window again.

  
********  
  


“Michael,” Isobel said, reaching out to stop him as he banged his head against the wooden table. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You look terrible,” Max added as he pulled a chair out for Liz and took the seat beside her, Maria taking the spot across them.

“Rough night,” he mumbled, running a hand across his tired eyes.

“You and Alex disappeared from the strip club yesterday. Missed an awesome show,” Isobel said and she looked over and smiled at Maria’s blush. “Where’d you two go?”

“Just went for a walk,” he shrugged. “Did you text him?”

Before she could answer, Kyle turned the corner and made his way towards their breakfast table. He took the spot next to Maria, falling into the chair and looking up to see the rest staring at him.

“Alex with you?” Michael asked.

Kyle’s eyes jumped between the curious faces before he shook his head. “No, he was really quiet. Didn’t sleep a wink all night. Just sat by the window.”

Michael clenched his teeth and looked away, the pain in his eyes caught by Isobel before he did.

“Maybe he just needs some time to himself,” Max suggested. “We all need that sometimes. Just to regroup.”

“It’s more than that,” Kyle muttered but quickly cleared his throat. “What’s the plan after breakfast?”

“I figured we could go to the mall across the street, do some retail therapy?” Isobel suggested.

Everyone agreed except Michael, who sat in his seat, staring across the restaurant in silence. When their breakfast was over an hour later, they walked through the lobby towards the hotel entrance. Before Michael could drag his feet behind them, Isobel waved the rest of their friends away and grabbed his arm.

“What’s going on with you? You’ve been miserable all morning.”

He tried dismissing but her narrowed gaze made him give in. “We had a rough night. Said some things. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Michael, it’s _me_,” she reminded. “I’ve been your go to person throughout this whole thing. Tell me.”

“I realized something last night.”

“And that something is?” she prompted.

“He’s in a lot of pain,” he replied, the gravity in his voice giving her pause. “I always figured he was, I knew he was but I just never really focused on how much, you know? He damn near killed me last night.”

“He rejected you?” she asked quietly.

“No, my heart broke for _him_,” he said, smiling sadly and at her frown, he pushed his hands in his pockets. “Neither one of us are perfect. Neither of us ever claimed to be that way. But I’m realizing a lot of things now that I never fully understood before. I mean, I did to an extent but not really.”

“You’re not making any sense."

“I need to fight for him,” he cut her off. “So much of the time, I kept thinking that Alex left me or that his family hurt me, hurt us. I never really took the time to see his side of it. I did and I didn’t, I guess. I’m just understanding things a bit better now.”

“After your argument last night?”

“It wasn’t really a fight. We talked, we kissed, he cried,” Michael said, sighing quietly. “I gotta fight _for_ him, not _with_ him because right now, all he can see is the pain. All he can see are his mistakes and mine and everything his family has done, his Father. He’s angry and hurt because of the things I did but a bigger part of him doesn’t understand why I still care. It’s not just him being mad, Is. He really doesn’t get it.”

“Get what?” she asked, smiling softly.

“That I love him,” Michael said, chuckling as he ran a hand across his eyes. “That I always have. That I never stopped. That I never will. I gotta make him believe that.”

“Wow,” she said, running a hand through her own hair. “Is it always pain and heartbreak with you two?”

“Kind of our middle names,” he said but the smile never met his eyes. “I have to fix that.”

“Well, all of your attempts so far have been complete failures,” she said with a grin. “Any ideas on how?”

“Being pissed off, jealous and bitter didn’t work so I guess I gotta be nice about it.”

“You are a nice guy, Michael. You’re one of the sweetest,” she said, reaching out to touch his hand. “Let him see that side of you again. I know it’s hard, both of you have been through so much but if you really mean it, if you want to really fix things, then do it the right way.”

They shared a smile before Michael rubbed his eyes with both hands. “He wanted space today. Guess I’ll head over to the mall with you. But tonight, if he’ll see me, I’ll do my best.”

She leaned in and kissed his cheek, linking her arm in his as they walked through the hotel entrance.

  
********  
  


Sitting on the edge of his mattress, Alex fidgeted with his hands until a knock sounded from the hallway. Tipping the young man at the door, he took the laptop and sat at the window again, logging into his Skype account. He waited three rings before John’s face appeared in the center of his screen.

_“Alex, I’m so glad that you reached out.”_

“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice and through Skype. I know it was an odd request.”

_“I’m always glad to make time for my patients. How’s your trip so far?”_

Alex chuckled quietly. “Where do I begin?”

_“What stands out to you the most? How about we start there?”_

“Alright,” Alex said as he scratched the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “The first night, we were all mostly together. Then Michael and I decided to give it a shot, being friends, as if we could ever be that without the rest of our past creeping in. I drank a lot, at least that’s what everyone said.”

_“Did you want me to cut in at any point?”_ John asked through the screen.

“No, there’s more,” Alex chuckled. “I don’t remember too much of it because of all the alcohol. Neither does he but apparently, we hung out the rest of the night and then we woke up yesterday morning in bed.”

_“Did you have physical relations?”_

“I think we literally just went to bed,” Alex said before he slowly raised his hand. “Looks like we got married, though.”

John watched him for a long moment, his brow rising in surprise before he cleared his throat to stop the smile that was beginning to form. _“How does that make you feel?”_

“Too many things,” Alex sighed, staring down at the ring. “It makes me feel scared. It makes me feel angry. Upset. Worried. Happy.”

_ “Let’s start with the beginning. Why scared? Why angry?”_

“Angry because I married Michael and I can’t even remember it,” Alex muttered. “Upset and worried because I don’t know what will happen when my Father finds out. I know I’m not a kid anymore, I know he doesn’t rule me, dictate my life or how I live it but after everything he’s done, everything he’s been responsible for, how could I not worry about it?”

He ran a hand across his eyes as John stayed silent, giving him the minute he needed to focus his thoughts again.

“It can’t work between us. So much has happened. He’s hurt me and I’ve hurt him. He’s suffered because of me, because of my Father and he still wants to try. He still wants to fix things and I don’t understand. How can he? How can I?”

_“Because he loves you and because you love him.”_

Alex closed his eyes at the words, letting them reach inside and settle within his chest.

_“Love doesn’t understand boundaries or reason. When it’s true, when it’s real, it just is.”_

“That scares me,” Alex whispered. “It scares me because what if this is the answer? Us being married? No matter how it happened, what if this is what brings us together and actually keeps us that way?”

_“Is that a bad thing?”_

“Every time I’ve felt a modicum of happiness in my life, it was torn away, destroyed. Do I even deserve to feel that way?” Alex said before his face dropped in his hands. “I’m a mess, aren’t I?”

_“No, Alex, you’re not a mess. You’re a young man who has been through a lot in his life. A man who has witnessed cruelty and violence first hand. The resulting fear and trauma is not something you can close your eyes and just wish away. The trauma you experienced in war, both physical and mental, doesn’t disappear with a wave of your hand. It takes time and patience, Alex. It takes courage and strength and from what I know of you already, those are qualities you possess. You’re a survivor, remember? It makes sense that you would be scared. But maybe, just maybe, this time things will be different?”_

“We need to get an annulment,” Alex said when he finally looked up again, eyes red and wet. “We can’t just stay married.”

_“You were both inebriated and yes, under normal circumstances, I would advise you against staying married for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is the unresolved and complicated history between you. But on the other side, he isn’t a stranger that you don’t know. He isn’t an enemy. He’s the one that matters most. So what if this is the answer, like you said? What if this is how you and Michael can finally heal those wounds between you?”_

“It can’t be that easy,” Alex shook his head.

_“No, it’s not easy at all. Getting married was the easy part, especially since neither of you were aware enough to stop it from happening. But staying married? Actually working through your problems? That’s the hard part.” _John’s head tilted in the screen, a kind smile filling his face. _“What I can advise you is to talk to him. Don’t let things go unsaid. Don’t let anger or any misunderstandings get in the way. Does he want to end the marriage?”_

“No,” Alex replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

_“Then talk to him. Communication is such an important part of any relationship and I get the feeling that the two of you sorely lack those skills.”_

Alex laughed at the words, looking up to see his Psychiatrist smiling through the screen. “I know you squeezed me in between your other appointments. Thanks, Doc.”

_“I’m here for you when you need me, Alex. Keep in touch with me, please.”_

They said their goodbyes and he logged out of the screen. Shutting the laptop, he set it aside and fell backwards on the bed. John’s words had made sense and Alex knew, no matter what happened between him and Michael, they had to talk to one another again, even if it meant ending things once and for all.

  
********  
  


Hearing a knock hours later, Alex slowly rose to his feet, dressed in his jeans and black sweater. Kyle had offered to take him out for drinks when he returned to their suite but Alex had insisted on being alone. Showering had helped clear his thoughts and he was gearing himself to seek Michael out when he opened the door and saw him standing outside.

“Hey,” Michael started, the smirk never fully reaching his eyes. “You get any rest today?”

“Not really. Lots on my mind, you know?” he said and took a moment to rake his eyes over Michael’s frame from head to toe. “You look clean.”

“What are you talking about? I shower!” Michael defended, brows furrowing inward.

“You’re always a bit dirty,” Alex replied, his smile small but genuine.

“There’s a lot of ways I can take that statement,” Michael said, eyebrow rising suggestively. “But I’ll take the compliment and pretend you meant I smell good.”

“You always smell good,” Alex answered quietly, looking down at his feet.

Taking a breath, Michael stepped in closer. “Will you come with me somewhere?”

Lifting his gaze, Alex stared at him for several beats before he finally nodded. He fell into step next to Michael as they rode the elevator down towards the main floor.

“We still got the rental,” Michael snorted as they waited for the valet to bring the pickup. “You hungry?”

“Don’t really have much appetite.”

“Then I’ll take you somewhere else,” Michael smiled when they climbed in the truck.

The radio was on a country station, playing quietly in the background as they drove out of town. Neither spoke, letting the music fill the stillness between them. When they were thirty minutes away from the noise and craziness of Vegas, out in the desert, Michael pulled off the road and onto the valley floor. Parking a couple miles from view of any traffic, he gave Alex a smile and motioned for him to follow. They climbed in the bed of the truck, leaning their backs on the middle, and stared up at the night sky.

“I used to do this a lot,” Michael finally said once the silence had stretched for too long. “I’d sit outside my trailer or in my truck, just like this, and look up at the stars.”

“Wondering where your home was?” Alex asked quietly.

“Sometimes, yeah,” Michael nodded. “Other times, I’d talk to _you_.”

Alex whipped his head to the side but Michael kept his gaze upwards.

“You see that constellation up there? The four bright ones in a line with the tiny star at the center, kind of curved on either end?” he pointed. “It’s got some fancy scientific name but I called it Alex.”

With a sharp breath, Alex watched him in stunned silence but Michael continued watching the pattern of stars in the night sky.

“I’d talk to it most nights, mostly stupid things. Like, ‘hey Alex, I got a new cowboy hat’,” Michael chuckled at himself. “Or I’d ask you how the weather was wherever you were. I’d talk about some sappy country song that the radio kept playing that made me want to jump off a cliff. Dumb things like that.”

Michael finally looked over to see the surprised eyes staring back at him, wet from unshed tears.

“Sometimes, I’d talk about important things. How I found a new part of the console, me and Max were fighting again, why can’t I find my family?” he continued, his gaze unwavering. “Sometimes I hated you. I’d yell and tell you off, throw whatever word I could think of your way because you made me fall for you and then you left.” 

Alex swallowed as he forced himself to look away but Michael kept his eyes focused on him.

“I filled my life with random strangers for ten years ‘cause I couldn’t get you out of my head. You were always there. The one constant.”

“Michael,” Alex started.

“You made it so easy to fall for you, Private. I never stood a chance.”

Closing his eyes, Alex ran his palms down his face, stopping to grip his own neck. When he finally looked over, Michael was watching him with a look in his eyes that was open and hopeful, full of love and adoration to such an extent that it made Alex catch his breath.

“Maria was my way to try and forget you once and for all, to try and find some form of happiness in the shittiness of my life but I was wrong, Alex, ‘cause my happiness is you. It’s always been you.”

Feeling the sting of tears in his eyes, Alex turned away to stop Michael from seeing him. Instead of reaching out like he ached to do, Michael sat where he was and kept his voice gentle when he talked again.

“You’re not your Father. I hate that I said it, hate myself even more knowing how much it killed you to hear it but you need to know that I was talking out of anger, out of grief. I didn’t mean it and I’m sorry.”

He reached out and laid his hand with little pressure over Alex’s. When he felt the fingers suddenly lace with his, Michael quickly tightened his own grip.

“You were right. I never fought for you. I just figured you were leaving because you wanted to, because I wasn’t worth the effort, because the complications between us weren’t worth it. But I was wrong. That’s not how you felt and I should have know that. I should have tried harder to make you stay, to make you see what you really meant to me because Alex, you mean everything.”

As tears rolled down his cheeks, Alex aimed his gaze forward into the darkness that surrounded them. “How can you say that after everything?”

“You’re _not_ your Father,” Michael repeated and Alex shut his eyes when more tears began to blur his vision. “He’s evil, you’re not. He’s a monster, you’re everything that’s good.”

“You can’t say that. What happened to your hand, what happened to your Mom,” Alex’s voice broke on the end.

Michael took a deep breath, allowing himself a moment of grief at her mention. “That was _him_, not you.”

“Everything that’s happened to you, everything he’s done to you, it’s because I brought him in your life.”

“He was doing all of this long before you and I met,” Michael said with a shake of his head. “You’ve blamed yourself for too damn long. I know you can’t stop feeling the way you do overnight but I want you to try. You gotta forgive yourself and I’m asking you to forgive me too.”

Alex looked over and their eyes locked, a world of words communicating in the silence. Releasing a heavy sigh, he reached around and wrapped his arms around Michael’s shoulders, bringing their bodies together. Surprised by the sudden embrace, Michael melted against him, arms gripping tightly as they breathed each other in. The stillness stretched for several minutes, neither keen on pulling away. When Alex finally did, he curled his hands around his raised knees, wiping his face against his shoulders.

“The military wasn’t all bad,” he began, staring up at the stars again. “At first, I was just like everyone else. A grunt trying to get through the basics. When I survived those first six months and got shipped overseas, everything else sort of just fell into place. I had skills with the computer so I ended up doing a lot of work behind a desk but sometimes, we would go out on patrol, help with evacs or setting up water filtration systems in broken valleys, escorting military personnel to and from the base. There were parts about Roswell that I missed, people, but it wasn’t all bad until it was.”

He looked across the sky, focusing on the small cluster of stars Michael had pointed to, his eyes growing hard.

“When the ambush happened, it knocked us out hard,” he said, gaze unfocused. “We were three armored vehicles, returning back to the command center from patrol. Had broken off from the Ranger unit that was with us. They went north and we headed south. They told us later that it was a minefield we had driven over, only it was filled recently, not leftovers from the old days. First Humvee went flying, second one did the same. I was in the third. By the time the Sergeant pressed on the brakes, it was too late. Whole thing just exploded.”

Michael stayed quiet as he listened, hands vibrating from a need to reach out but he kept them over his lap instead.

“All I heard was this buzzing noise, just loud, all around me. The lead Humvees were on fire, ours was too. The Sergeant was pinned at the wheel, he wasn’t breathing. We had flipped over,” Alex explained, sniffling quietly. “My leg was bleeding, I had shrapnel in it from the sixty gun that had shattered. Our Lieutenant was yelling at us, telling us to get out of the car, to drag ourselves out. This kid that was always hanging around me, Corporal Jackson, I remember him being so scared. Just nineteen years old and he was scared out of his mind. I got my leg free, pushed through the broken window and crawled out. We were lucky the explosion hadn’t been as heavy as the ones on the front Humvees.”

He took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes again, taking a moment to calm his racing heart before speaking.

“We were so disoriented that we never even saw the gunmen coming until they were right on top of us. Just started firing at us. Our Sergeant was the first to get hit, the blood just splattered everywhere around him. I ducked behind our Humvee with our Lieutenant and heard him radio it in for help,” he described, voice unsteady as he spoke. “The first truck was completely blown apart but the second one, two of the soldiers were still alive. They were wounded and I started to go to them but my Lieutenant held me back. Seconds later, they were gunned down.”

He closed his eyes and let the memory replay in his head.

“Another soldier climbed out and Corporal Jackson, the nineteen year old kid from our Humvee, he started going after him to help him, to save him,” Alex whispered, sensing the weight of Michael’s gaze but he kept his eyes forward. “I jumped up to follow, shot at my east flank as my Lieutenant covered me from behind. The other soldier got gunned down and Jackson, I was so close to reaching him when he tripped over a faulty mine. Got tore up right in my face.”

Michael raised a hand to the back of Alex’s neck, squeezing gently.

“The force of it threw me backwards on…,” he said and pinched his eyes shut for a moment before he finally looked over. “I couldn’t feel anything, just numbness as I laid there. The sound of gunfire was distant, just smoke and sand all around me. We got air support a few seconds later but I couldn’t focus. I just closed my eyes and saw your face. I saw that crooked grin, that boyish charm I’d fallen for, that curly hair I could bury my fingers in. You were there with me, when I thought it was over.”

Michael moved in and leaned his forehead to Alex’s shoulder, a tear slipping down his own cheek.

“I came out of my daze long enough to see my Lieutenant getting pinned. I managed to raise my gun, shot two assailants and saved his life, I guess. They gave me a medal afterwards but was it worth it? Were they assailants? Were they the enemy? I don’t even know anymore,” he said, taking a deep breath. “The rest was just a blur but when I woke up, I was in the hospital and a doctor and two nurses were standing over me. They asked all these questions that I couldn’t make sense of. When I finally understood what they meant, all I had to do was look down and everything was different. A piece of me was gone, a piece I’d never get back again.”

“Hey,” Michael said, pulling Alex’s face towards him. “You don’t have to keep talking about this. You can stop. It’s okay.”

“We never talk, right? We never talk,” Alex replied, wiping a hand across his eyes. “They pulled me off the pain meds pretty quickly at my own insistence. It made me feel different, like I wasn’t myself and I couldn’t feel that way, not with everything that had happened. I needed to stay guarded, you know?”

“You put yourself through more pain?” Michael asked quietly.

“Other than my Lieutenant who came to thank me, to give me the medal I didn’t want, my Dad was the only one who visited me in the hospital,” he said, his exhaustion obvious. “Word had gotten out a couple years before that I was gay and that’s not the easiest environment for you over there. Guys that were my friends before, guys I’d shared beers with suddenly treated me like I was different. Said a lot of shit, called me every word you can imagine. That’s when I requested the switch from field to office. But when the patrol units ran thin, everyone had to pitch in. So my unit, Jackson was the only one who didn’t treat me like I was some sort of disease. My Sergeant, my Lieutenant, they overlooked the way the rest of the guys treated me. It just became the norm. So when the Lieutenant came to give that medal to me, a part of me wanted to throw it back at him. But I was just too numb to really do anything. He gave a speech that was rehearsed, looked at me with these guilty eyes, muttered an apology and gave his thanks before he walked out of there. Then my Dad came.”

He looked to Michael, eyes red, a sadness in his gaze that had lingered for too many years.

“The one time when a kind word mattered most from him and he disappointed like always,” Alex said, his voice cracking as he spoke. “You should have died in the desert. You were barely a man before, look at you now. You’re nothing but a waste of space. Completely useless.”

“He said that to you?”

“Word for word,” Alex said and took a deep breath. “When he left, that was the lowest point I’ve ever been. The meds were off, the pain was so intense but it was pain on the inside too, you know? That’s what hurt the most. I was never more alone than in that moment.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, no other words coming to the surface.

“I did something stupid after that. One of my Commanders, Major Bolton, who was good to me before everything, he came to visit. It was a military hospital so everyone was always in gear. I remember him talking, going on and on but the words didn’t really make any sense,” Alex said, raising his gaze to the stars. “I remember wrestling him to the ground, tore my IV out, reopened a bunch of the stitches on my leg. But I got his gun.”

“Alex!” Michael started, grabbing his arm and spinning him over. 

“I had a choice to make,” he whispered. “Either pull it and just end everything or push myself through it, push myself past it. In the end, it took a lot longer than it should have for me to hand the gun over. The Doctor was also in the room, just the three of us. My Commander was trying to talk to me, talk me down. But you know what’s funny? What finally stopped me? It wasn’t some grand romantic gesture of never seeing you again. You and I had said goodbye years before and I thought you hated me. I never thought you and I could ever happen again. It wasn’t even survival instincts. It was vengeance. I didn’t want him to win and if I had pulled the trigger, he would have.”

Laughing without humor, Alex wiped his eyes against his shoulders. Michael watched him, breathing harshly, letting the words of his confession sink in.

“They put me under suicide watch for forty-eight hours and I had to undergo a lengthy stint with the Director of Psychiatry but eventually, they diagnosed me with PTSD. But I wasn’t a threat to myself or to anyone else so they released me. They released me and I focused all my efforts on rehabilitation after that. I had to learn how to move, how to function without a part of my leg and then when the physical therapy got me to the point where the pain wasn’t as intense, they fitted me with a prosthetic,” Alex explained. “Took another several weeks to learn how to move that way. About six months total in the hospital with everything. When I got back to base, I was sure that everyone would look at me differently again, that things would be worse than they had been. But my one saving grace was that my Commander hadn’t reported it. The Doctor was the only other person in the room and I don’t know if it was patient confidentiality, if my Commander convinced him or if he just pitied me with everything else but the Doc kept quiet too. No one knew so I just pretended that it never happened. I was a war hero in the eyes of the bosses and my Commander wanted to keep that image.”

“How long were you seeing the Psychiatrist for?” Michael asked, his voice gentle.

“The sessions ended when I went back to base. With my injury, it wasn't really possible for me to be in the field so I mostly stayed at or around the command center. They stuck me behind a desk and I got a chance to sharpen my hacker skills,” Alex said with a quiet laugh. “They promoted me to Captain when I went back, because of my medal, because I was a hero but I never felt that way. I saw my brother Flint maybe twice, the others I never did. My Dad was in and out. I always wondered where he went but when I saw Caulfield and that manufacturing plant in Texas for Glaxo Smith Kline, I realized that’s where he kept disappearing to.”

Michael frowned, the company name triggering something in his mind he couldn’t understand.

“And then I came home, got transferred back to Roswell and you know the rest,” he said, cutting through Michael’s thoughts with a small smile. “The thing about pain is that it never leaves you, not really. You can learn how to deal with it, manage around it, live with it, even make peace with it but it’s always there in your heart, in the back of your mind, just haunting you and that’s what my leg symbolizes. That’s what the scar on my abdomen, the scar on my ribs symbolize. They’ve faded over time but you can still see them. But my leg? That’s a constant reminder. Sometimes it’s good to remind myself because it helps bring that anger back, the hatred that I have for him and I do feel that way. I hate him more than anything because he’s my family and that never made a difference to him.”

Breathing deeply, Michael leaned in and brought their heads together for a silent moment of reflection. Neither spoke, taking comfort from the closeness between them.

“I don’t know what to say. I’m…,” he started before a sigh fell from his lips. “I hate that you went through all of that alone. I know you probably won’t believe me but if you’d called me from the hospital, I would have gone to you. I would have dropped everything and everyone. I would have gone to you.”

“I know,” Alex smiled sadly, reaching out to touch Michael’s face. “What a pair we make, huh? I don’t know which one of us is more messed up, you or me? My money’s on me, though. At least, that’s what I think my Psychiatrist thinks.”

“You’re in therapy now?”

The surprise in Michael’s voice made Alex realize his slip. “Yeah, that’s who John is. Not my boyfriend.”

“Shit,” Michael said, looking down. “I gave you so much crap over that.”

“It’s okay,” Alex waved it off. “I spoke to him this morning. He helped me get some of my thoughts in order and told me I should talk to you, that I should open up. We’ve never been too good at communication, have we?”

“No,” Michael spoke softly. “I need you to hear something, Private, and really listen. Your Father may have broken you like he tried to break me but you gotta know that you’re so much more than a sum of those broken pieces.”

Alex started to look away but Michael grabbed his face, bringing their eyes to lock again.

“You’re beautiful,” Michael confessed, the words making Alex take a breath. “Those scars that you think make you ugly, they’re a part of you and every damn part is beautiful. You’re the same boy that offered me a roof over my head even though we were strangers. You’re the same boy that gave me a guitar because you realized what it meant to me. There’s three words I want to say to you, Alex. The same three words I’ve felt for the past decade but if you’re not ready to hear them, I’ll wait because you’re worth it.”

Biting his lower lip, Alex tried his best to keep his tears hidden but the words were too overwhelming. He reached across and pulled them together, letting his face fall against Michael’s neck, smiling when he felt the arms wrap tightly around him.

“You’re worth everything too,” he said, his voice quiet and private, just for them. “You keep painting yourself as the town bad boy, the drunk, the criminal and I know I made you think I saw you that way too. I’m sorry. Your heart is so beautiful. Everything about you is.”

He could hear Michael's sudden intake of breath, knowing how much the words had affected him. They sat locked together for a long time in the darkness, the quiet embrace bringing them comfort and strength they deeply needed. When he felt a chill run against his spine, Alex finally pulled away.

“Do you want to head back?” Michael asked.

Staring around them for a moment, Alex shook his head. “Think we can stay out here?”

“Yeah,” Michael smiled, reaching for the blanket beside him. "Isobel got me this when I said I was gonna ask you to drive out here with me. Don’t have a pillow, though.”

Smiling, Alex slowly lowered them onto the bed of the truck and turned their bodies so they were face to face. He tucked his arm under his head and watched as Michael did the same before they pulled the blanket over their bodies. Their eyes locked on one another, neither looking away.

“So what does all this mean?” Michael finally asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever talked this much without booze involved.”

The words brought a quiet laugh out of Alex as he reached up to touch Michael’s cheek. “When we leave Vegas and go home, my Dad will probably be back at the base. If not, he will be soon. We have to figure out how to deal with all of that because he’s a threat, Michael. He really is and it’s not just you and me. All of us have to figure this out.”

“We will,” Michael said as he inched closer. “But I meant you and me.”

“You and me,” Alex repeated, his smile gentle. “We’re still married, aren’t we?”

“Yeah we are, Mr. Guerin,” Michael teased, the words making them both laugh.

“I guess we can take it one day at a time,” Alex finally suggested. “I still have a lot to work through and you and me, we’re not there yet. I mean, we talked tonight, more than we ever have, I think. But we still have healing to do.”

“One day at a time? I can do that,” Michael whispered, closing the rest of the distance. “Can I put my ring back on?”

“No,” Alex laughed with a shake of his head.

“Can I kiss you?”

His breath catching, Alex slowly nodded. When their lips met in the middle, the kiss was nothing more than a gentle press of their lips but it held a promise they had scarcely allowed themselves to believe before. It was the promise of something more, of a future that for the first time in a decade, felt real.


	11. ELEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!

********

Ignoring the crowd of people moving around her by the pool, Maria paced back and forth in the small hallway, arms wrapped around her body. When she felt a hand reach out and grab her side, she jumped backwards to see Liz laughing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Liz said, her smile bright. “What’s going on? I got your message. It sounded urgent.”

“It was a crazy night,” Maria muttered, her jittery steps making Liz frown.

“Alright, why don’t we sit down and you talk to me?” Liz offered, leading them away from the crowd towards an empty table, shaded by a large umbrella overhead. “What happened?”

“I sort of did something last night I probably shouldn’t have done,” Maria blurted, pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I made out with someone.”

“Maria, no!” Liz started. “Not Michael.”

“No!” Maria exclaimed. “Not Guerin! Liz, come on!”

“I’m sorry,” Liz held her hands up in defense.

“I’m over all of that, over _him_,” Maria assured her. “I’d never do that to Alex again. Him and me, we have such a long way to go before we can get back to what we were. I won’t jeopardize that.”

“Okay,” Liz said, the smile returning to her face. “Don’t tell me it was Kyle?”

“No, not Valenti,” Maria muttered.

“Well, I know it wasn’t me or Max and it obviously wasn't Alex,” Liz said when her eyes suddenly popped open. “Oh!”

They stared at one another for a moment before Maria looked away, her anxiety coming off in waves.

“Isobel?” Liz asked, her voice gentle.

“After shopping, after everyone else bailed, the two of us went to the bar and we kept trading barbs and drinking. I can’t even remember how many whisky shots I drank. It was the most fun I’ve had in ages,” Maria explained, slowly looking up to meet her friend’s eyes. “Then we got up to dance and it was fine at first, just the two of us dancing. But I think someone ran into me and I ran into Isobel and we got pushed together. I don’t even remember what happened, really, or who made a move.”

“So you made out?” Liz ventured.

“We left the bar, walked a bit outside to clear our heads. When we got back to the hotel, you weren’t in the room. We just sat there and suddenly, we were kissing, just like that.”

“Wow,” Liz said, her smile sweet. “Did you like it?”

“I think so,” Maria replied, her voice quiet. “I’ve never really thought about women that way before but being around her last night, it was just so easy.”

“How did Isobel feel? Did you guys talk after?”

“No, we passed out, I think. When I woke up, she was gone.”

Liz took a deep breath and grinned. “Bisexual awakening?”

“Something like that,” Maria chuckled, her nerves falling away at the ease she saw on her friend’s face. “But I’m kind of thinking that she regrets it, maybe. She took off, you know?”

“Do _you_ regret it?” Liz asked.

“I think maybe I should. She’s related to Guerin and that whole thing is still messy,” Maria said, her shoulders dropping. “But it felt good. It felt nice.”

“I think what you need to do is take a deep breath and talk to Isobel when you see her,” Liz suggested. “If you think it was nothing more than a drunken mistake, then let it go. But if you felt something, maybe a connection, then you need to talk to her.”

Maria leaned back in her chair and sighed, running a hand through her wavy hair.

“Just keep in mind that she went through a lot with Noah. She was traumatized by everything that happened and she’s probably still processing through a lot of that, trying to make sense of it, make peace with it,” Liz reminded. “Her guards will probably be up, she may laugh it off or pretend it didn’t happen. Give her the space to come to you. The conversation will be a lot more genuine if you do it that way.”

The smile finally returned to Maria’s face as she leaned in to embrace her friend.

“Feel better?” Liz asked when they pulled away.

“I do. Love you,” Maria said.

“Love you back,” Liz smiled. “So, I was thinking maybe the best thing we can all do before we check out is make use of the spa that was included with our package. We can all relax, unwind and feel a whole lot better about, well, everything.”

“A massage sounds perfect right now,” Maria nodded, linking their arms together as they made their way back inside. “Everything good with you and Max?”

“The sex is really good,” Liz said with a wink.

Smacking her friend playfully, Maria laughed and pulled her through the entrance.

  
********  
  


Slowly blinking his eyes awake, Alex felt a warmth against his neck. Tilting his gaze down, he saw Michael’s arm wrapped around him, their fingers tangled together under the blanket. The touch at his throat was Michael’s lips pressing kisses, soft and tender, to his skin.

“Hey,” Alex greeted, the single word making Michael freeze behind him. The suddenness of the shift make Alex smile as he slowly turned around, their eyes locking together when he did. “I didn’t say you should stop.”

The smile that broke out onto Michael’s face stole Alex’s breath away. They leaned in, bodies yearning to be close, and let their lips touch in a gentle press.

“Damn, you feel good,” Michael chuckled, tightening his arm as he pushed them even closer together. “You sleep okay?”

“Better than I have in a long time. I feel safe with you,” Alex admitted, the quiet confession making Michael lean up on his elbow to gaze down at him.

“You can’t just say stuff like that, Private,” Michael sighed, his breath uneven.

Flipping onto his back, Alex reached for Michael’s face, staring into the eyes that for years, had haunted him. “Kiss me.”

Like a dam that had suddenly broken, Michael lowered his body and leaned in. The kiss was hungry, a clash of teeth and tongues, their whispered moans filling the quiet space around them. Before Michael’s hands could reach below Alex’s shirt, desperate to find skin, the blaring sound of a cell phone made them stutter in their movements. Growling at the interruption, Michael yanked the phone out of his pocket and peered down.

“Of course it’s Max. Who else would be dumb enough to ruin a moment?”

Alex chuckled at the grumpiness as they lifted their bodies to sit straight. Reaching for his prosthetic, he attached it to his leg, grateful when Michael stayed quiet, giving him the moment he needed. When they were back inside the truck seconds later, Michael switched the engine on and turned to the side.

“What do we do now?”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked.

“Are we together? Are we taking it slow? Are we telling anyone? Are we pretending neither one of us exists?”

Alex laughed at the speedy questions and leaned across the bench to pull their faces together, the kiss soft and calming.

“Damn it,” Michael whispered. “I’m gonna get used to that if you keep doing it.”

“Good,” Alex said, the glint in his eyes making Michael’s breath quicken. “As for all the questions, I guess we can say we’re taking things slow.”

“But we’re together?”

“Yeah, we’re together,” Alex said, his voice quiet. “We’re together.”

Grinning brightly, Michael pulled him closer, stretching an arm across his shoulders. “Finally.”

Alex let the single word settle in his heart as he tilted his head to nuzzle at Michael’s neck. Neither pulled away, bodies pressed close as Michael drove them out of the desert, back to Vegas.

  
********  
  


Walking out of the changeroom in her robe, Maria gasped and jumped backwards when she ran head first into Isobel. Liz stared between them from the other end of the room and moved away to give them space.

“Hey,” Maria started, swallowing the thickness in her throat.

Isobel’s eyes quickly steeled, her vulnerability masking over. “Hey back. You didn’t cry this morning when I ducked out, did you? I was just trying to save us the awkwardness.”

Maria watched her for a long moment, trying to get a read on her emotions. Going with her gut, she took a step back and gave a casual smile instead.

“If last night was just us being drunk and having a good time, I’m fine with that,” she replied. “If you wanted to talk about it more, we can do that too. It’s up to you.”

“How are you so calm about this?” Isobel asked. “I figured you’d be freaking out right now.”

“I admit I kind of was but I’ve learned to take a minute and think first before acting and that’s what I’m doing now. I’m giving you space or giving you an out. No awkwardness,” Maria said, her smile gentle. “Let’s get our massages. Liz said they have a five star rating in this place.”

Isobel watched her vanish around the bend, the anxiety of the confrontation she’d been dreading all more no longer there. She had woken with Maria asleep at her side and her instinct had been to run away. After all that had happened with Noah, the truths that had been revealed, her memory coming back and Rosa, Isobel had let the walls build around her heart again. She was heartbroken, ashamed and above all else, enraged. Max’s resurrection had eased the pain inside her to a degree but the leftover feelings from everything else refused to fade.

The ease of their connection had been unexpected. It had left Isobel feeling vulnerable and scared, completely unhinged. A part of her had wanted to stay, to feel the closeness they had shared in the light of day but her fears had won over, making her run away instead. Maria had been calm and collected moments before, so different from what Isobel had anticipated. It silenced the vicious voices in her own head, allowing Isobel the moment she needed to get her bearings straight.

Knowing they had more to discuss but choosing to rain check that conversation, Isobel smiled as she made her way out of the change room and down the hallway. She raised her hand, waving at the boys and disappeared in the room she, Liz and Maria had been designated.

Glancing away from his sister, Michael tightened the fluffy white robe around his waist and looked up to see Max and Kyle walking out of the change room, dressed the same way.

“Gotta love Liz for suggesting this,” Kyle grinned, reaching his hands in the air for a long stretch.

When Alex appeared behind them, Michael froze in his movements. Their eyes locked from across the room, both smiling at one another like a private joke that existed just between them.

“You guys are smiling like a couple of dopey teenagers,” Kyle exclaimed, reaching over to throw his arm across Alex’s shoulders.

“Would you stop being so damn handsy with him?” Michael demanded, walking over and forcing himself between them.

“Hey, Alex and I are close,” Kyle reminded, stumbling backwards when Michael shoved him away. “Stop being jealous, Guerin.”

“Yeah, stop being jealous, Guerin,” Alex repeated but the playful glint in his eyes made Michael smile crookedly instead.

“If you gentlemen will follow me,” the lead massage therapist waved towards them from the end of the hall.

Four leather beds were spread out in the center of the room, lights dimmed to give a calm atmosphere. Quiet music played in the background as three female therapists and a male stood at attention.

“If you please remove your robes, we can get started,” the lead therapist directed, her smile kind as she pointed towards the benches at the far wall.

Max and Kyle were quick to strip down to their boxers but Alex hesitated on his robe, hands lingering on the knot that held the fabric against his skin. When he felt Michael move beside him, their eyes locked and Alex felt his anxiety slowly fade away.

“Are you comfy with this?” Michael asked him. “You don’t have to take the whole robe off.”

“It’s fine,” Alex said with a shake of his head, swallowing hard as he looked towards the professionals waiting behind them. “I have a prosthetic on my leg.”

The lead therapist smiled kindly and stepped forward. “You can leave it on or remove it, whatever you’re comfortable with. We can avoid that part of your body if you like.”

Alex licked his lips for a tense second and finally nodded. “I’ll leave it on. Just please stay away from my leg.”

Taking a deep breath, he pulled the robe down his arms, leaving his upper body bare. When his gaze lifted, he saw Michael’s eyes raking over his naked torso. The space between them was charged, a spark that made them want to reach out and bridge the gap that existed.

“Are the two of you done with the eye sex?” Kyle cut through the fog they were caught in.

Michael tossed him a glare and quickly took their robes to the bench. They moved to the four tables, Max on one end with Kyle beside him, Alex next and Michael at the edge. The moment the male massage therapist moved towards Alex, Michael made a loud noise in protest.

“Alex is allergic to male hands,” Michael blurted, the words making the group peer towards him in confusion.

“What?” Alex finally asked, a laugh falling from his lips.

“Yeah, it’s weird,” Michael stuttered. “If one of you ladies can do his massage, he’d be totally grateful.”

Embarrassed by the outburst but enjoying the attention all the same, Alex whirled around and faced the male therapist who was standing a few feet away. “My _boyfriend_ over there gets crazy jealous. Don't listen to him.”

Michael’s heart jolted at the word. The smile on Alex's face was challenging as he lowered himself to the table and waved the male therapist over. Breaking out of his daze, Michael crawled onto his own bed, resting his face on the side, eyes focused on Alex. Neither looked away.

“Are we gonna talk about the boyfriend bomb you just threw out there?” Kyle asked.

“Just shut up and lay down, Valenti,” Max grumbled, melting onto his own bed.

Ignoring the others in the room, Michael watched as the male therapist warmed his fingers with the body oil laid behind him. The moment his hands pressed over Alex’s shoulder blades, Michael growled in complaint.

“Would you stop feeling him up?” he snapped, glaring up at the man.

“Ignore him,” Alex waved at his therapist but his smile was amused as he watched Michael grunt in annoyance.

Max suddenly groaned from the other end of the room, the awkward noise cutting through their conversation.

“Dude, I really hope that was you gagging at the sap fest over here and not you feeling the massage in all the wrong ways,” Kyle exclaimed.

When Max stayed silent, laughter spilled out from the others. Michael’s anger returned as he watched the therapist reach down Alex’s back, fingers pressing against his joints. He could hardly feel the touch against his own skin, completely focused on the way Alex’s eyes fluttered from the hard presses. Breathing in, Alex opened his eyes and saw the way Michael was watching him, a mix of jealousy and lust, a fire behind his dark gaze.

“Move closer,” Alex whispered.

Eyes widening a fraction, Michael reached up to stop the therapist working over him. Rising to his feet, he quietly dragged his table over, climbing back on with a foot of space between them. Reaching out, he let his fingers ghost across Alex’s cheek. Melting against the touch, Alex closed his eyes and sighed. The therapists continued working around them but all Michael could see was the way Alex’s lashes fluttered, the way his mouth gasped open. He knew the words he wanted to say, the words he had carried inside him for over a decade.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he said instead, his heart swelling when Alex smiled at him.

“Seriously, are you guys gonna be like this all the damn time?” Kyle whined.

Narrowing his gaze, Michael leaned his head up and noticed the bottle of massage oil the therapist had left by Kyle’s waist. Smirking, he focused his mind and the bottle tilted over, spilling across the bed. Kyle jumped to his feet with a yelp, staring down at his soiled boxers. Chuckling quietly, Michael met Alex’s eyes and they shared a secret smile between them.

When the massage had finally ended, Kyle continued his rants as he followed Max out of the room, his shorts clinging to his body under his pants. Wearing the last of his clothes, Alex started turning over when he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist.

"Boyfriend, huh?"

"Couldn't exactly call you my husband," Alex replied, his cheeks flushing at the word.

Michael nosed behind Alex's ear, fingers moving in circles over his chest as he breathed him in. “Hated that guy running his hands all over you".

Leaning back against the embrace, Alex tilted his head to the side and pressed a kiss to Michael’s cheek. “You really don’t need to be jealous.”

“It’s _you_. Can’t help it.”

The words were a quiet confession but Alex had heard them. Whirling around, he pulled Michael’s face to his own, their lips finding each other without guidance.

“Are you guys at it again?” Kyle muttered from the doorway.

Michael answered by lifting a finger above their heads. Breaking the kiss with a laugh, Alex pressed their foreheads together and smiled.

“Come on,” he chuckled, separating himself and leading them towards the exit.

“I can’t believe vacation is over,” Liz said when everyone else had crowded around her. “Isobel, thanks so much for making us come here. We really needed it.”

Isobel looked up and caught Maria’s eyes for a quick second before she looked away. “Time to say goodbye.”

With the others trailing ahead towards the elevators, Alex stayed at the back of the group with Michael beside him. They looked at one another and grinned, both reaching into their pockets to feel the rings they kept hidden. Before he followed the others in the elevator, Alex hesitated as his eyes caught on the same face he'd seen when he and Michael had walked inside their hotel that morning. He frowned as he watched the stranger move down the opposite hallway, the irregularity in his movements giving Alex pause. When Michael grabbed his hand and pulled him through the elevator doors, he all but forgot the man.

  
********  
  


Making their way inside the plane, Alex took his spot at the window, laughing when Michael pushed Kyle out of the way to take the seat beside him. Kyle muttered his complaints but moved to sit between Isobel and Max a few rows down the aisle, Maria and Liz taking their seats behind the rest.

“I probably should’ve asked when we were back at the hotel,” Michael started, looking up with a hint of nervousness. “No Court?”

“No Court,” Alex shook his head. “We should keep what happened quiet, at least for now, but I don’t want to hide anymore.”

Michael’s smile softened as he leaned in but Alex held his hand up to stop him.

“We need to talk about my Dad,” he cut in. “We can’t keep brushing it off. He’s a threat.”

“I know he is,” Michael sighed.

“A few weeks ago, he tried to kill Kyle,” Alex reminded, keeping his voice low. “As tragic as Caulfield was, it was a tactical blow for _him_ but he’s regrouping. We need to figure out what to do. He’s never gonna stop.”

“I know,” Michael repeated, swallowing hard at the mention of Caulfield. “And we will. We’ll deal with him, deal with everything. Could we just be happy for a minute?”

“Guerin,” Alex warned.

“I wanna take you out on a date,” Michael blurted. “Tonight, I wanna take you out.”

“Dinner?” Alex asked, his breath catching when he felt Michael’s hand slip inside his jacket and reach around his waist.

“Dinner,” Michael whispered, inching closer. “I just wanna be with you. Can we do that?”

“Yeah, we can do that,” Alex nodded.

Their smiles were private, reserved for just the two of them. They bridged the gap between their bodies and touched their foreheads together. Closing their eyes, they breathed each other in, a calmness overtaking them. They were together and happy in that moment. The outside world could wait.


	12. TWELVE

********

Using the last of his deodorant, Michael slipped a grey tee and his black denim jacket over his body. Glancing at himself in the small mirror pinned to the wall, he ran a hand through his curls, doing his best to tame the wildest strands. He reached inside his pocket and felt the ring secure at the bottom edge. The cool silver gave him comfort every time he touched it. With a final glance at his reflection, he walked out to see Isobel waving towards him, sitting on one of the chairs at the fire pit, beer in her hand.

“Need something?” he asked, locking the door and moving towards her.

“Just wanted to talk,” she shrugged, tipping the bottle upwards to take a long sip. “You look all nice and dressed up. Where are you headed?”

Rolling his eyes at her observation, he fell to the chair beside her. “Going to see Alex.”

“The two of you talked some more? Last night, in Vegas?” she asked, taking another sip.

“Yeah, we ended up driving out to the desert. We talked, probably more than we ever have in ten years,” he chuckled. “But it was good, Is. We opened up, you know? He told me about his time overseas. It was really good.”

The smile in her eyes made him look away but she quickly reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him back towards her. “So where do you stand now? Still working on things?”

“No, we're together,” he said, unable to keep the smile off his face.

“Together as in _together_?”

“Yeah, _together_,” he chuckled. “No more running away.”

He pressed his hand over his pocket and felt the small indent underneath. Looking into Isobel’s open smile, a part of him wanted to blurt the news, to tell her what had happened back in Vegas. As ridiculous as he knew it sounded, he wanted to shout it from the rooftops, to let the world know that Alex was finally his, damned the consequences. But they had agreed to keep things private, to take things slow and do things the right way. The decade they had been apart, Michael had been constantly surrounded but incredibly alone. It had been one of his greatest lessons. He loved Alex. They loved each other. Even though neither had spoken the words, the feeling was there between them, lingering in the air. He’d take things at whatever pace Alex wanted.

"I’m happy for you, Michael. I really am,” she said, dragging him out of his thoughts. “What the two of you have been through, no one deserves happiness more.”

“Hey,” he said, leaning forward in his seat and throwing an arm around her shoulders. “You sure you’re okay? You been acting weird since the plane.”

“I’m okay,” she assured him, patting his cheek sweetly. “Do you need any advice?”

“Advice?”

“Well, this isn’t just anyone, Michael. It’s not some floozy you met at a bar or a one night stand. This is your cosmic love,” she reminded, the words like a punch to his gut, leaving him winded. “You can’t mess this up again.”

“You’re not helping,” he muttered, rising to his feet with another hand through his hair. “You staying or leaving?”

“I’ll go,” she said, lifting up with a laugh. “You’ll be fine, Michael. Just tone down the charms a bit. Don’t flirt with anyone else.”

“Why the hell would I flirt with someone else when Alex is there?” he exclaimed.

She smirked and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Just making sure. Have fun!”

Waving over her shoulder, she tossed her beer in the trash and was back in her car within seconds, driving away. Once the dust had settled and the nerves inside him had faded, he climbed behind his wheel and drove through the empty field. Letting the music blast through the speakers, he sang off tune to every lyric, keeping his mind focused and out of his head.

  
********  
  


“Hey Dr. Goodwin,” Alex greeted, staring into the open Skype session on his laptop.

“_Alex, good to have you back home. How was the trip, overall?”_

“It was good, I think,” Alex said as he took a sip of his coffee. “Thanks again for agreeing to Skype.”

_"It’s not a problem. Now tell me, did you and Michael have a talk?”_

“We did. It was good.” Alex nodded and looked away for a moment. “I told him about some things that happened overseas. I told him about my leg.”

_“How did that conversation go?”_

“It felt good talking about it,” Alex said, his voice growing quiet. “I haven’t really talked to anyone about it before. Not in detail like that.” He rubbed his eyes and chuckled, leaning backwards in his chair. “We decided we’re gonna give this a try. Us, him and me, our relationship.”

_“What about the marriage?”_

“We’re gonna try and take that day by day. Start slow, see where we end up. I don’t want anyone else to know though. Not yet.”

_“That’s understandable and taking things slow is not bad, Alex. It means both of you are serious about making it work this time instead of diving in like before.”_

“Yeah.” Alex nodded and took the final sip of his coffee. “We’re going out to dinner tonight. Hoping we’ll talk some more again.”

_“Good, that’s good. When you come in on Thursday for your scheduled appointment, I’d like to talk some more about your parents again.”_

“We didn’t talk enough about them yet?” Alex asked, steering his gaze to the side.

_“We did touch several bases but there’s definitely more I’d like to discuss if that’s something you’re okay with.”_

“Yeah, we can do that,” Alex replied but the sudden knock on the door quickly captured his attention. "He’s early. Sorry abut that.”

_“Not a problem. I’ll see you as scheduled on Thursday at eleven?”_

“I’ll see you then. Thanks again, Doc.” Alex smiled at the screen and shut the lid.

Staring down at the dark jeans, white tee and leather jacket he was wearing, he patted at the edge of his prosthetic and rose to his feet. Yanking the door open, he smiled as he watched Michael’s eyes rake over him.

“Damn,” Michael said, finally dragging his gaze up again. “You’re making it hard to take this slow, Private.”

Alex smirked and moved backwards inside the cabin. “Let me grab my phone and we can go.”

Searching around himself, his eyes scanned the couch and table before they finally landed on the kitchen counter. When he grabbed his phone and pressed the screen, nothing happened.

“Battery’s dead,” he said when a sudden pair of arms snaked around him from behind.

“You don’t need one,” Michael whispered as he reached for the phone and lowered it back to the counter. “You’re with _me_. I’ll keep you safe.”

Any other time, Alex would have laughed the comment off and pushed him away. But something he heard at the edge of Michael’s voice gave him pause, sensing a sincerity behind the words that made his heart swell inside his chest.

“I know,” he whispered back, twining their fingers together for a quick moment before finally stepping back. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Michael said with a wink as he walked out.

Once they were both inside the truck with the doors shut behind them, Alex turned to speak when Michael grabbed his face and pulled him in for a hard kiss. Losing himself for a few seconds, Alex reached forward and pressed their bodies closer, taking over the kiss in a way that made Michael groan against him.

“Damn,” Michael said, a breathless chuckle falling from his lips. “I missed you.”

Wanting to keep the moment light, Alex sat back with a grin. “Of course you did.”

Laughing loudly, Michael switched the engine on and shot away from the cabin. When they reached the first fork in the road, he took a left and drove away from town instead.

“I know a place,” he explained, sensing the question before Alex could ask it. “About a hour West of here. Good food, good atmosphere. No pricks to run into.”

Alex arched his back and stretched his joints before he melted back in his seat. When he turned his head to the side, he saw Michael’s gaze was already on him, eyes darker than before.

“You got a problem with PDA?” Michael suddenly asked.

The abruptness of the question had Alex laughing. “Did you really just say PDA?”

Glancing behind him, Michael pulled the truck over on the side of the empty road and moved closer on the bench. “If we’re doing this, I don’t wanna hide. I can’t do that, not anymore.”

Before Alex could comment, Michael cut him off and spoke again.

“I’m not saying I wanna have sex with you for the whole damn world to see. Hell no to that idea! No one’s gonna see you like that except me,” he rambled. “But I wanna kiss you, hold your damn hand. I need to know if we're on the same page. We said we’d take it slow but…”

The press of lips against his own was sudden, taking his breath away. A gentle swipe of tongue was all Michael got before Alex leaned back.

“You can kiss me, Michael,” he spoke quietly. “Some things might take me a bit longer to get used to, being so open. Years of hiding and being told that different wasn’t okay, that takes it’s toll, you know? I do want us to take this slow, to not make mistakes again. But that doesn’t mean I want to hide it.”

“So if Isobel comes by the trailer one morning, and you’re sleeping there with me?” Michael asked, the words a reminder of a day both wanted to forget.

“Might not want her to see my leg but I won’t hide being there,” Alex replied. “Not anymore.”

The switch in mood was instant. Smiling brightly, Michael rushed forward and captured his lips again, putting all of his heart behind the kiss. When the need for air became too great, they tore their lips away from one another but stayed close, breathing each other in. Once more kiss to Alex’s cheek and another to his chin, Michael finally sat back and started driving again. 

Walking inside the bar an hour later, they stared around the lively room and made their way towards the only empty booth at the far wall. The bartenders were busy behind the counter while a band played music at the small stage, couples dancing in the open space in front. Lowering himself down on the bench, Alex moved to the middle when his eyes caught on something near the stage. Two of the dancing couples were women, another a pair of young men, mixed between the other locals. 

“Told you, it’s a good place. Just opened a while back,” Michael said as he slid across the bench, directly beside Alex. They smiled at one another before Michael glanced up at their waitress. “We’ll take a couple beers for now.”

“Sure thing, Michael,” she said, tossing a wink as she walked away.

“Been here a lot?” Alex chuckled.

“Not for what you’re thinking!” Michael spread his arm across the top edge of the booth, fingers brushing Alex's shoulder. “The owner, Patty, she’s this older lady who lost her wife a couple years back. I was picking up supplies the next town over, saw the bar and came in. She’s good people, wanted a bar that was good for everyone. Since DeLuca’s is not the best option…”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, looking away at the mention of his friend.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to…”

“I know,” Alex cut him off, letting the smile back onto his face. “I know.”

Silence took over as they sat beside each other, neither sure of what to say. When the waitress brought the beers moments later, she stared between them for a moment and leaned in.

“Are you Alex?” she asked, her grin widening when Alex nodded. “Guerin here would always have a story about the one that kept getting away, the one he named a star after. Some of his confessions were to Patty over a few shots of whisky, though, so don’t blame him.”

Turning to his side, Alex saw the slight blush on Michael’s cheek, the rosy tint making his heart swell again.

“Can I get you guys any food?” she asked, cutting through their moment.

“House burger and fries is good for me,” Michael said as he looked over.

“I’m fine with that too."

When the waitress left their table, Alex raised his hand to Michael’s cheek. Turning his head slowly, Michael gently kissed his palm, the tender touch making Alex gasp as their eyes locked in the dim lighting.

“Is this okay?” Michael asked, moving even closer and pressing a kiss to Alex’s neck. “Can I keep doing this?”

His stuttered reply of agreement made Michael smile against his skin and trail his lips across to the other side, stopping at the spot behind Alex’s ear.

“I’m trying this new thing,” Alex managed, pushing Michael’s head backwards to catch his eyes. “To be happy.”

Michael’s smile shined through his gaze, their hands tangling together in the small space between them.

“There’s two parts to it,” Alex explained. “For so long, everything in my life left me broken.”

“You’re not…,” Michael started but Alex held a hand up to stop him.

“Yeah, I am,” he said, swallowing hard. “But I’m trying to put the pieces back together again. Not just on the surface anymore, like I’ve been doing for years. I want to be happy with myself, happy on the inside. To be at peace with my past, my present. What I’ve been through, what I’ve done, who I am. That’s not something that will come overnight. Maybe it never fully will but I’m trying to tell myself that it’s okay, that _I’m _okay, even the version of me that’s no longer whole.”

Michael's eyes had glistened over but he stayed silent, taking the time to listen.

“With everything else, the happiness I want in my life, that’s connected to you,” Alex said, the words a quiet confession between them. “It’s always been you.”

Taking a deep breath, Michael tilted closer and opened his mouth but Alex silenced him.

“I’m sorry I left all those years ago. I’m sorry I’m connected to the family I am. I’m sorry it was easier to walk away rather than staying and working through everything. I’m sorry I let my fears get the better of me.”

“Stop,” Michael cut him off. “I got a thousand things to be sorry for, too. For _letting_ you walk away, for letting you think anyone else mattered to me more than _you_ did. For hurting you, blaming you for things that were never yours to carry.”

“So you’re sorry and I’m sorry too,” Alex said, the smile creeping back on his face. “Anything else we got in common?”

“We’re married.”

The words brought a hearty laugh from Alex as he tossed his head backwards. Taking advantage of the moment, Michael leaned in and kissed the open skin at his throat, the touch nothing more than a gentle press. When they pulled back from one another, neither could look away.

“Remember prom?” Alex asked, the memory suddenly coming back to him. “I don’t know why but I was thinking about it the other day. How different things were back then and not so different at the same time.”

“I remember how hot you looked,” Michael said, the charm in his smile making Alex laugh again. “That light blue jacket and the guyliner that made your eyes stand out, the skinny tie, the piercing. Just the whole damn package.”

“Good memory,” Alex said with a fond shake of his head.

“I remember when Valenti got in your face, all I could think of was getting between the two of you and stopping him. You looked perfect that night, you know? I hated that he ruined it,” Michael added, his voice quiet when he looked up.

“I could hold my own but I never thanked you for jumping in,” Alex replied, their bodies moving closer to each other.

“Don’t you know by now, Private?” Michael asked with a sad smile. “I’ve been trying to be your hero for years.”

Breathing sharply, Alex looked down, the words piercing him like a sharp blade. When he glanced back up again, Michael was smiling, his eyes holding nothing but a love that had survived a decade of separation. Reaching out, Alex brought their hands together and leaned forward, an inch between their faces.

“I know you can take care of yourself. I just wish you'd let me help sometimes. Shoulder some of the weight,” Michael said, shrugging quietly.

Instead of answering, Alex kissed him. Their bodies refused to separate, even when the kiss had ended. Eyes shut and foreheads pressed together, they breathed each other in, finding comfort in their closeness. When they finally pulled away, they saw their meals spread out before them.

“Too oblivious to notice,” Alex chuckled as they released their hold on one another and started eating.

“That’s why I got an issue with Valenti,” Michael said, swallowing a large bite. “I know you forgave the guy and I know I should be grateful to him. Max is back because of him, you know?”

Alex choked on his food and coughed, forcing the bite down with his beer.

“I know I should go easier on him because of everything, because of what he did and you guys being friends again. But that image just pops in my head each time. The way he treated you, all the crap he said to you back then. I can’t help it.”

“He’s not that guy anymore,” Alex reminded, their eyes meeting again. “That asshole jock who only gave a damn about himself and his image? That’s not Kyle anymore. He’s kind now, sincere. He cares a lot about the people that matter to him and yes, he cares about me. I care about him, too. He’s changed.”

Instead of answering, Michael rolled his eyes, the childish move making Alex smile fondly.

“Plus, when he takes his shirt off, the abs on display? Damn,” Alex added and stifled his laugh when Michael whipped his head towards him, burger forgotten.

“You think Valenti’s hot?”

“There’s hot and then there’s Kyle. Whole new level,” Alex teased.

Michael sat frozen, his shoulders dropping at the admission. Feeling a sudden guilt move through him, Alex lowered his burger and dragged Michael closer, crashing their lips together. The kiss was hard and bruising, both forgetting the world around them as they took what they wanted.

“I was teasing,” Alex whispered between their lips. “He’s probably my best friend but what I feel for him and what I feel for you, there’s no comparison, Michael.”

The three words hung in the air between them, words that both were too afraid to say.

“You want me, huh?” Michael smirked.

The tension drained away with the few words, both leaning backwards with a laugh. They kept the conversation light for the rest of the meal, catching each other’s eyes every few seconds. When dinner was finished and their second beers were nearly empty, Michael looked up with a flirty smile.

“Dance with me?”

Alex slowly nodded, feeling the warmth inside him begin to spread. When Michael gave a wink and made his way towards the restrooms, Alex leaned back against the booth and closed his eyes. There was a peace inside him, one he had rarely felt through the years. For so long, he had pushed his feelings away, denied himself the one thing that gave him true happiness. He and Michael, together, was the single thing that had ever made sense. Their lives were still a mess, a lingering danger with Jesse still out there. But he was done letting his fears guide him.

“Hey there.”

Snapping his eyes open, Alex looked up to see a man standing at the edge of the booth, cowboy hat tipped back and a smirk curving his lips.

“Saw you sitting over here, wanted to come by, say hi.”

“I’m here with someone,” Alex started, tilting his head towards the restrooms in the back.

“How about you leave your date and have some fun with me instead?” the man asked, wiggling his brows with his suggestion.

“That’s not gonna happen."

“Come on, Handsome. Let me show you what a real cowboy can do,” the man said as he leaned down, the smell of whisky heavy on his breath.

Before Alex could end the conversation, the small light fixture hanging on the wall behind him yanked loose and crashed hard against the man’s head. Jumping backwards, the man yelped at the painful contact, rubbing his head as he stared at the fallen metal.

“Back the hell off,” Michael snapped, stepping between them. “He’s taken.”

Still confused by the fallen fixture, the man stumbled away towards the bar, his friends laughing at his failure all the way. 

“Was that you?” Alex asked, amusement in his eyes as Michael slipped inside the booth again, dropping the fixture on the table.

Instead of answering, Michael grabbed his beer with an angry swipe. Smiling fondly at the antics, Alex slid to his feet and extended his hand. Quickly tangling their fingers together, they made their way towards the small space, slipping between the other couples dancing to the gentle ballad. No longer afraid of showing his affection in public, Alex pulled Michael closer, arms wrapping around each other’s bodies. Their smiles softened when Alex buried his fingers through the messy curls. Foreheads leaned together and eyes closed, they moved slowly to the music, a calmness taking over the moment.

“I missed you,” Michael whispered, the words private between them.

“I missed you too,” Alex said, lowering his face inwards to rest against Michael’s throat.

Their hold on one another tightened, neither aware of the movements around them, focused on each other as one song blended to the next. All they could feel was each other, the closeness between their bodies, their hearts beating as one.

“You’re my home,” Michael said, the sudden confession breaking Alex from his trance.

“What do you mean?” 

“For a long ass time, I thought if I worked hard enough, I’d be able to fix the console, maybe find a way back to where we came from,” Michael started. “But you, us, being together, _you’re_ my home, Alex.”

Like a bucket of cold water, reality came crashing back in an instant. An image of the missing console piece flashed through Alex's mind, forcing him backwards with a stumble, his heart heavy from the secret.

“Are you okay?” Michael asked, frowning at the sudden shift.

“I just remembered I have an appointment tomorrow morning,” Alex lied, untangling himself and moving away.

“Did I say something wrong?” 

Stopping at the booth, Alex turned around and saw the mix of hurt and worry staring back. Wanting to rid the vulnerable insecurity from Michael's face, Alex leaned in and captured his lips. The kiss was gentle, soothing, a way to fix the distance that had sprung between them.

“Tonight was perfect," he said, reaching inside his pocket. "Thank you for bringing me here."

Michael watched him for another beat before he grabbed his own wallet instead. “I asked you out, I’ll pay.”

Leaving a few bills on the table, Michael motioned towards the door and they made their way. They were back inside the car and driving down the road minutes later, the radio switched off and nothing but silence between them. Alex had his jacket removed, tossed into the backseat, staring out the window at the passing terrain.

“I’m sorry,” he suddenly said, the words making Michael glance towards him. “I’m a work in progress, you know? I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizing. Not like I’m walking, talking perfection over here," Michael said and his shoulders dropped in relief when the words coaxed a laugh out of Alex. "I mean, as long as you and me are solid, the rest we’ll work on, you know?”

Alex gave a small nod and waited until the truck had been parked outside the cabin before he sprang across the bench and captured Michael’s lips. The sudden onslaught took Michael aback for a second but he quickly snapped from his shock and wrapped his arms around Alex. Their tongues met in the middle as their hands roamed up and down, neither willing to pull away. Laughing as he broke the kiss, Alex watched as Michael blinked his eyes into focus before climbing out of the truck. The moment he was on the porch with the door unlocked, he glanced back and lifted his chin. Not needing any more confirmation, Michael ran inside the cabin, slamming the door shut and pressing Alex against it. Their bodies drew each other close again, lips slotting together, their quiet moans loud in the darkness. Two more kisses and Michael hoisted him up in the air. Yelping at the sudden shift, Alex blinked down at the face that he had never forgotten and tightened his legs. Foreheads pressed together, they clung to each other as Michael carried him down the hallway.

Fumbling the light switch on, Michael moved towards the mattress and slowly lowered him down, gentle in his movements. Alex looked up with dark eyes, legs drifting open in invitation. With a deep breath like always, wanting to know the moment was real, Michael slowly climbed over him. His arms caged Alex in, hands drifting into the dark strands of hair disheveled from their make out in the hallway. A gentle roll of hips had Alex shutting his eyes and tilting his head backwards, exposing his throat without care. When Michael felt the fingers trail down his back, nails blunt against his denim jacket, he lowered himself the rest of the way and dove in.

Their bodies rocked together, hands moving roughly with a burning trace. Alex pulled his lips away, the desperate need for air too strong but Michael dragged him back in. The kisses were slow and deep, staking claim to each other’s mouths in ways that left them frantic. Another roll of hips made Alex groan, the sound lighting a fire inside Michael in a way that had him pulling back.

“Why’d you stop?” Alex whispered, his breaths coming out in short pants.

Opening his eyes, Michael all but whined at the sight beneath him. Alex was staring up with wide eyes full of want and desire. His chest was heaving, lips swollen and red. Tracing his thumb across the lower lip he’d bit into moments before, Michael licked his own and sat up, straddling Alex’s legs.

“We should slow down,” he finally said. “We said we wanna take this slow, right? Not rush into things.”

Twining his fingers with Michael’s, Alex pulled their tangled hands down and smiled. “Michael Guerin is turning down sex?"

"We were always good at this part," Michael said with a smirk. "Better than good. We were fucking epic. But I wanna do this right.”

“So three dates before we sleep together?” Alex asked, untangling himself and sitting up straight. “We _are_ married, remember?”

When he dangled his feet off the side of the mattress and looked to his left, he saw the love in Michael’s eyes shining back at him.

“Say that again.”

“Three dates before…?”

“No!” Michael cut him off, moving to sit beside him. “Say _that_ again.”

“We’re married,” Alex whispered.

“Shit,” Michael said with a shake of his head. “That’s why I don’t wanna rush this. It matters, Alex. _We_ matter. I don’t wanna mess this up. Not with the rings we’re holding onto.”

The smile on Alex’s face matched the one in his heart as he leaned in to press their foreheads together again. They spent a moment in silence, breathing each other in, before Alex pushed himself to his feet and pulled Michael with him. Walking towards the door hand in hand, Alex pulled it open and stepped out on the porch. Before he could turn back around, Michael crowded him from behind, wrapping himself around his body.

“You and me,” he said, leaving a kiss to Alex’s shoulder.

“You and me."

A final squeeze and Michael untangled himself from the warmth of their embrace. Leaving a final kiss between them, he moved backwards down the stairs.

“Can I take you out again tomorrow?” he asked, opening his truck door several feet away. “Dinner?”

“Make it breakfast,” Alex said, tilting sideways against the railing. “And dinner after. That makes it three dates.”

Hearing the meaning behind the words, Michael chuckled happily. “Trying to get me into bed, Private?”

“Yeah, I am,” Alex replied.

Swallowing hard, Michael hesitated at his door. “You’re making it hard for me to walk away right now.”

“Then stay.”

Breathing hard, Michael left his spot and quickly closed the distance, pushing Alex against the wall of the cabin and stealing his lips. The kiss was hard and bruising, leaving their lips swollen when they tore away.

“When I finally get you into bed, I’m not gonna let you out again,” Michael whispered, leaning in to suck a mark at the base of Alex’s throat. “That’s a promise.”

One final kiss and Michael dragged himself away. Winking from behind the wheel, he drove out of the clearing and onto the road, leaving nothing but dust in the night air. When the truck had all bust disappeared, Alex raised his fingers to the bruise on his throat, pressing against the mark to feel it.

  
********  
  


Opening the door to the bar, Isobel walked inside, glancing around the empty space.

“We’re closed!” Maria shouted, turning around from her spot behind the bar.

She faltered in her movements when her eyes locked with Isobel’s across the room. Taking a moment to gather her nerves, Isobel crossed the floor and took her usual seat behind the counter.

“Hey,” Maria started.

“Hey back,” Isobel greeted. “Closed for inventory?”

“Yeah, that happens when I take off for vacation,” Maria replied with a smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Michael’s on a date with Alex tonight,” Isobel blurted.

“That’s good,” Maria said, her smile genuine. “If they can work it out between them, I’ll be happy.”

“No anger? Resentment?” Isobel asked, tilting her head to the side. “Jealousy?”

“No,” Maria replied, her ease at answering taking Isobel by surprise. “For a while, I thought maybe him and I could have something. That we _did_ have something. But what he feels for Alex is unparalleled.”

“So no resentment?” Isobel asked again.

“I think more than anything, I want that feeling for myself,” Maria said, leaning her elbows on the counter. “To feel for someone what he feels for Alex and to have someone feel that way for me.”

Isobel nodded and looked away, swallowing the thickness in her throat. “You trying to tell me something, De Luca?”

Laughing quietly, Maria leaned back and grabbed two glasses, pouring them both a drink.

“Look, I know some of what happened to you with Noah but I won’t stand here and pretend that I really understand,” Maria started, waiting until Isobel had met her eyes before she spoke again. “I’m sorry for what you went through, for what you're still going through.”

Isobel nodded, accepting the kind words with her drink. “There’s also the whole alien thing.”

“Yeah, that too,” Maria laughed. “Plus, my own life is far from perfect. My Mom, this bar, nothing is easy.”

“So what do you want, then? What are you expecting?” Isobel asked.

“A drink?” Maria smiled. “A conversation?”

Isobel smirked and let her shoulders drop, her guards coming down bit by bit. “No expectations?”

“No expectations,” Maria nodded. “A few months ago, if someone told me I’d like Isobel Evans, I’d have probably called them insane. I always thought we never had a vibe with one another but a few days getting to know you better, knowing some of the truths all of you had kept secret, its different now.”

Isobel watched her for a long time, trying her best to read through the words for any hidden meanings. When all she found was sincerity, she let the last of her walls drop away and finished her drink with a smile. “Want some kisses in between the drinks and conversation?”

“A kiss wouldn’t be unpleasant,” Maria flirted as she leaned over the counter again. “But slow is good, for both of us. Just getting to know each other a bit. I like you, I think you like me too. One day at a time?”

“I can do that,” Isobel nodded.

Their smiles lingered as they stared at one another. The moment the door burst open, they broke from their trance and leaned away.

“I need a drink!” Liz said in way of greeting, Max and Kyle trailing in behind her.

“Where’s Rosa?” Maria asked, smiling as the rest of her friends took the spots around Isobel.

“She has been spending a lot of quality time with our Dad,” Liz replied. “Making up for lost time.”

Max rubbed her back and she smiled as she leaned against him.

“So, I guess a few days vacationing together wasn’t enough,” Isobel commented.

“I still got a couple days off before I'm on shift. It’s really great,” Kyle grinned as he grabbed the shot glass in front of him.

“Where’s Michael?” Max asked, looking towards his sister.

“On a date with Alex,” Kyle answered, his grin wide as he wiggled his brows.

Maria and Isobel shared a private smile before the group grabbed their glasses.

“To a great vacation and to even better days ahead!” Liz exclaimed.

They raised their glasses and cheered, downing the shots in seconds.

“Alright, who wants karaoke?” Liz asked, jumping to her feet and dragging Max behind her to the small stage.

  
********  
  


Shuffling through his drawers, Alex moved back with a frustrated huff. “Where the hell is my charger?”

As he rose to his feet and moved towards the closet, a sudden knock from outside caught his attention. Making his way down the hall, he peered through the window and sighed before he yanked the door wide open. Flint pushed him aside and barged in, wearing a dark cloak that covered his full frame. 

“What are you doing here? Didn’t you get transferred?” Alex asked, turning towards him with a frown. "What are you wearing?"

“I shouldn’t have helped you,” Flint blurted, rolling back on his heels in a nervous gesture but when he saw the look of confusion on Alex's face, he took a step closer. “The manufacturing plant for Glaxo Smith in Texas. I told you the serum was being developed there, remember?”

“Yeah and that gave me a chance to make Max whole again. It worked, Flint. I hacked into the mainframe, studied the blueprints and infiltrated the facility. I got the serum and it worked,” Alex said, gesturing with his hands. “What’s the matter?”

“What the _matter_?” Flint repeated. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”

“Look, I know that Caulfield was an operational blow for the old man and I know he’s out there regrouping…”

“You don’t get it!” Flint interrupted. “You think our _Dad_ is the one in charge of this whole thing? That Jesse Manes is the guy on top? He’s a pawn, Alex. This goes so much higher than him.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I thought this all started with Dad and Kyle’s Father. They went through the family money, used all their assets on this project?”

“Yeah, they did. But do you really think the orders started from them? Little brother, you have no idea what you did when you infiltrated that place.”

“It was a pharmaceutical company,” Alex said after a moment.

“No, Alex, it wasn’t.” Flint shook of his head. “When Caulfield blew up, it was an operational blow like you said but not as badly as you imagined. The specimens, the aliens being held prisoner, they were so badly tested on that they weren't gonna last too much longer anyway. But the bioagent? The bomb prototype? They weren’t kept on the premises.”

Alex took a sharp breath and moved closer. “This is the bioweapon that you and I argued about that day? The one you said was innocuous to humans and designed to kill aliens using their DNA against them? Are you telling me _that_ bomb didn’t blow up when Caulfield did?”

“I'm saying the bomb was never there,” Flint replied. “What we had at Caulfield was nothing more than a replica of the actual prototype, one designed to throw off the scent in case anyone ever compromised the facility. The actual biological toxin is being manufactured at Glaxo Smith in Texas. So is the M143 smart bomb that’ll be used as the delivery system once the bioweapon is completed.”

Swallowing hard, Alex stumbled backwards towards the kitchen counter, leaning against it to catch his breath. “A smart bomb is out there, ready to house a weaponized bioagent to wipe out an entire species? That’s what you’re saying?”

“Why do you think our old man never went after your boyfriend? Or his siblings?” Flint asked. “It’s because he doesn’t need to. They’re perfecting the biological agent and it’s being done at Glaxo Smith. They’re practically in the finishing stages, just a few more tests to run, kinks to solve. But when it’s done, that’s when Dad will get the war he’s always wanted.”

“Jesus Christ,” Alex whispered before his eyes snapped up again. “Why the hell are you helping him? Helping _them_, whoever the hell _they_ are? These beings, these aliens, they haven’t invaded Earth. You don’t know that they’re designed to kill. You saw their faces at Caulfield, Flint. Did they look hell bent on world domination or whatever crazy idea our psychotic Father thinks? What you’re talking about is genocide against an entire race! Are you honestly that brainwashed that you can’t see it?”

“I didn’t come here to argue with you, alright? I came here to tell you that infiltrating that facility was not the smartest move. I didn’t know what was there when I helped you but I know now and I’m telling you to watch your back.”

“Listen to me, look at me,” Alex pleaded, reaching out and grabbing his brother’s arm. “You and I didn’t have the closest relationship growing up. None of us did. That’s because of Dad, because he ran the house like a damn military base. But the kid I knew, the kid you were before Mom left, before everything went to Hell, _that_ kid would not be party to any of this.”

Flint blinked at the words and looked away. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“Then _h__elp_ me!” Alex exclaimed. “This can’t happen, Flint. Caulfield can’t happen again. These people may not be from Earth but they are living and breathing beings, just like you and me. We have zero evidence that the _entire_ species is malicious.”

“Dad has research. He has proof.”

“What proof? Have you actually seen the evidence with your own eyes? Read through the reports? Spoken with the investigative teams? The scientists who reported the findings?" Alex shouted. "Or are you still just a good little soldier following his Father’s every command?”

Flint looked up, eyes narrowing as he stepped closer. “I just wanted to warn you to watch your back, little brother. You’re on everyone’s radar now.”

Spinning around, he yanked the door open and rushed down the stairs before Alex could stop him. 

  
********  
  


Driving with the window down and the warm night air blowing through, Michael glanced inside the rear-view mirror and suddenly noticed the jacket Alex had forgotten. Pulling the truck to a stop on the side of the road, he reached back and pulled it over, pressing his nose against the leather and breathing it in.

“I got it bad,” he laughed at himself.

Leaving the jacket on the bench beside him, he stared at it for a moment longer until a smile curved his lips. Instead of continuing towards his trailer, he spun the truck around towards the cabin.

********  
  


Searching the documents he had hidden inside a loose base board inside his closet, Alex grabbed the bottom file and leaned back. He scanned through the facility schematics and tossed the file aside before he grabbed another. The second file showed the hidden entryway to the basement at Glaxo Smith. The schematics had taken Alex longer to hack into but he had skimmed through the pages when he had been searching for the serum, the details of no importance. Looking through the details now, he froze on the last page.

“How the hell did I miss this?” he whispered, slowly lowering the file.

A sudden noise made him spin around, staring through the dark hallway that led towards the main room. Licensed to hold a weapon even after retirement, he reached to the back of his closet and grabbed his M9 pistol. Rising to his feet, he triggered the gun and slipped against the wall, quietly moving through the cabin. Peeking from around the edge, his eyes slowly scanned the darkness. Hearing nothing but eerie silence, he pulled back and turned around. The blunt object was sharp and sudden, knocking him at the back of his head.  
  


********  
  


Parking at the edge of the clearing thirty minutes after he had turned around, Michael grabbed the jacket and climbed out. The lights were switched on inside the cabin, making Michael’s heart beat even faster. Smiling at the thought of getting his lips on Alex again, he pushed away from the truck, jacket in hand. Three steps closer, his smile widened. Four more steps, his heart was soaring. One more step and everything changed.

The explosive force was sudden, knocking Michael backwards in the air. He felt the burning heat across his skin, his head catching harshly on the pavement when his body hit the ground again. Blinking through his blurry vision, all he could see was the raging fire. The cabin was no longer there, nothing but flames and smoke mixing in the night air. Before his eyes slipped shut and unconsciousness took over, the scream that left his body was deafening as it echoed in the darkness. 


End file.
